tanka prose (roots)
a memory43 total reviews
Comment from flylikeaneagle
PenPal: what a wonderful reflection of the early morning springtime.
I like the storytelling and tanka at the end. I enjoy watching the birds
and butterflies in my garden. I grow bunnies and bees. The deer visit us way too much. Momma deer shows off her new fawn. Save a cup of
coffee for me. Stars **************** flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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PenPal: what a wonderful reflection of the early morning springtime.
I like the storytelling and tanka at the end. I enjoy watching the birds
and butterflies in my garden. I grow bunnies and bees. The deer visit us way too much. Momma deer shows off her new fawn. Save a cup of
coffee for me. Stars **************** flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you flylikeaneagle for your kind and encouraging review and your generous rating.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I'm really not sure what to do with this as it really I not deserving of a "5", but in an effort to avoid conflict and the fact that there is time to adjust it I'll err on the side of leniency.
There's lots more prose in one chunk than is typically required of the style. It is nicely written with good imagery but does not quite fit with the closing Tanka for me.
The Tanka is typically 5-7-5-7-7, but in the non-traditional form the count by line can vary as long as the total syllable count is 31 syllables and yours is 23 syllables.
Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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I'm really not sure what to do with this as it really I not deserving of a "5", but in an effort to avoid conflict and the fact that there is time to adjust it I'll err on the side of leniency.
There's lots more prose in one chunk than is typically required of the style. It is nicely written with good imagery but does not quite fit with the closing Tanka for me.
The Tanka is typically 5-7-5-7-7, but in the non-traditional form the count by line can vary as long as the total syllable count is 31 syllables and yours is 23 syllables.
Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from V McCrary
This piece has heart and, I may be biased, because I'm a country girl whose mama grew roses under the dogwoods, but it also held memories for me. I could feel the dew and smell the sweetness of the flowers. Well written and thankful, also, that I read it. Definitely worth the time. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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This piece has heart and, I may be biased, because I'm a country girl whose mama grew roses under the dogwoods, but it also held memories for me. I could feel the dew and smell the sweetness of the flowers. Well written and thankful, also, that I read it. Definitely worth the time. Keep writing.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Flowers are wonderful and gardens are havens of memorable events. When you really study a flower like the Lily of the Valley you can only be awed at the intricacy of its makeup and the powerful and beautiful scent it emits. Times that one flower by thousands. Only a Mastermind could create such treasures. Your story rings so true and is very well put together ending with the endearing poem. A lovely read.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Flowers are wonderful and gardens are havens of memorable events. When you really study a flower like the Lily of the Valley you can only be awed at the intricacy of its makeup and the powerful and beautiful scent it emits. Times that one flower by thousands. Only a Mastermind could create such treasures. Your story rings so true and is very well put together ending with the endearing poem. A lovely read.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from zanya
IT'S an impressive, colorful and lasting memory - enhanced by the surroundings of the natural world and laced into a Tanka with exquisite poetic inlay 'time warp/of treasured memories'
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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IT'S an impressive, colorful and lasting memory - enhanced by the surroundings of the natural world and laced into a Tanka with exquisite poetic inlay 'time warp/of treasured memories'
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you zanya for your kind and encouraging review and for those special stars.
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
What an innovative passage this is. You combine prose and poetry to create a specific moment in our natural world. Your skill is evident. I wish I knew your name so I could properly honor you!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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What an innovative passage this is. You combine prose and poetry to create a specific moment in our natural world. Your skill is evident. I wish I knew your name so I could properly honor you!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate you message.
Comment from Agate Lucas
A delicate and evocative reflection on nature and memories! I especially like the tanka at the end, whose rhythm is fluid and assured. I love how you managed to weave in the passage so many natural elements: flowers, water, animals... Good job and good luck for the contest!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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A delicate and evocative reflection on nature and memories! I especially like the tanka at the end, whose rhythm is fluid and assured. I love how you managed to weave in the passage so many natural elements: flowers, water, animals... Good job and good luck for the contest!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review and good wishes.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is absolutely beautiful. It is an appealing blend of literal and figurative language. You have made excellent use of specific details
to take me to your lovely, fragrant scene!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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This is absolutely beautiful. It is an appealing blend of literal and figurative language. You have made excellent use of specific details
to take me to your lovely, fragrant scene!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you Janice for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Touching poetry. Love the words and how they flow. I can visualize how you picked those flowers for your momma and both enjoyed the 'Lily of the Valley' after being picked. Choosing your mom's favorite vase made the flowers even more special.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Touching poetry. Love the words and how they flow. I can visualize how you picked those flowers for your momma and both enjoyed the 'Lily of the Valley' after being picked. Choosing your mom's favorite vase made the flowers even more special.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you Rosemary for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Gail Denham
You took it to the length of a halibun - sweet memories indeed. The images are clear - the fragrance, birds bathing, delicate flora - all bring up good images.
Nice poem
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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You took it to the length of a halibun - sweet memories indeed. The images are clear - the fragrance, birds bathing, delicate flora - all bring up good images.
Nice poem
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you Gail for your kind and encouraging review.