Love Long Distance
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Come Home to Me - Chapter 5"A Wartime Romance
19 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a SUPERB addition to your novel Cathy & Bill. I enjoyed reading it very much.
I LOVE the details included of what is happening simultaneously in the world as this story unfolds. The Kennedy assassination was a shock and Little John Jr. was trying to be so brave. What a picture that salute made for history. Your attention to detail is awesome, too. I like the mention of MacArthur as that keeps WW2 and even Viet Nam in the minds of readers particularly since the evening news on the 3 main networks brought it home into America's living rooms nightly!
I enjoyed (and laughed) with the mention of the 'uppity' ladies. I would not want to work there either, but jobs were probably hard to find then.
The two poems are instrumental in giving readers more of the character of Bill and Cathy. Instead of just writing that in sentence form. The poems offer much personal insight into their relationship, too. I like the repeat of the partial line that includes 'bleak and gray.' Readers get a true sense of her feelings. Bill's poem is poignant not only in expressing his thoughts/feelings, but how he told the doctor and nurse about that special poem he had previously written. I believe that shows how he (and soldiers) truly felt about their assignments. None knew from one moment to the next if the present day would be their last. Bill's use of rhyme alludes to the fact that he spent much time thinking and preparing his letter in case worst came to worst. The concluding line about his request for 'no poppies' is a great cliffhanger along with the 'we're losing him.' For sure readers will return to find out what happens next.
Thanks for sharing, Cathy & Bill. I look forward to the next chapter.
Laura Jan
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
  |
This is a SUPERB addition to your novel Cathy & Bill. I enjoyed reading it very much.
I LOVE the details included of what is happening simultaneously in the world as this story unfolds. The Kennedy assassination was a shock and Little John Jr. was trying to be so brave. What a picture that salute made for history. Your attention to detail is awesome, too. I like the mention of MacArthur as that keeps WW2 and even Viet Nam in the minds of readers particularly since the evening news on the 3 main networks brought it home into America's living rooms nightly!
I enjoyed (and laughed) with the mention of the 'uppity' ladies. I would not want to work there either, but jobs were probably hard to find then.
The two poems are instrumental in giving readers more of the character of Bill and Cathy. Instead of just writing that in sentence form. The poems offer much personal insight into their relationship, too. I like the repeat of the partial line that includes 'bleak and gray.' Readers get a true sense of her feelings. Bill's poem is poignant not only in expressing his thoughts/feelings, but how he told the doctor and nurse about that special poem he had previously written. I believe that shows how he (and soldiers) truly felt about their assignments. None knew from one moment to the next if the present day would be their last. Bill's use of rhyme alludes to the fact that he spent much time thinking and preparing his letter in case worst came to worst. The concluding line about his request for 'no poppies' is a great cliffhanger along with the 'we're losing him.' For sure readers will return to find out what happens next.
Thanks for sharing, Cathy & Bill. I look forward to the next chapter.
Laura Jan
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
-
Thank you SO MUCH for the AWESOME 6-star rating and review. Your comments are specific and detailed and we really appreciate what you share here. We're glad you enjoyed this chapter and are very happy you are following along with this novel in the making. Chapter 6 is in the works and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Ulla
Hi Cathy, that was a very emotional chapter. I don't hope Bill is going. Well, I don't think so because then the story would more and less stop here and now. Found this:
I put it in the Tennessee bank = did you mean bank account or bank box?
and a few big gaps between words. Have a look. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
 |
Hi Cathy, that was a very emotional chapter. I don't hope Bill is going. Well, I don't think so because then the story would more and less stop here and now. Found this:
I put it in the Tennessee bank = did you mean bank account or bank box?
and a few big gaps between words. Have a look. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
-
Hi Ulla, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 5 of Love Long Distance. The gaps are due to the full justification--the formatting for most books. As for the bank, your question really helped. A revision has been to make it more clear what type of bank it is. Chapter 6 is in the works and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from barbara.wilkey
NO!!!!!! Bill can't die!!! This love story must continue until these two get together again. They just have to have a happy ending. Unfortunately, all to often, especially during war it doesn't happen. Once again, a great write.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
|
NO!!!!!! Bill can't die!!! This love story must continue until these two get together again. They just have to have a happy ending. Unfortunately, all to often, especially during war it doesn't happen. Once again, a great write.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
-
Hi Barbara!!! That's what I say! He can't die! Love your comments here. Were really appreciate you continuing along with this novel. Thank you for that and thank you for the AWESOME 6-stars and review. A SALUTE! Chapter 6 is in the works and coming soon!
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Patty Palmer
Wonderful! This was such a tear jerking post. I've not read the previous chapters, but I surely will. I enjoyed the actual story and then mixed with the poems. Something different! "Keep right on writing!"
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
|
Wonderful! This was such a tear jerking post. I've not read the previous chapters, but I surely will. I enjoyed the actual story and then mixed with the poems. Something different! "Keep right on writing!"
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
-
Hi Patricia, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 5 of Love Long Distance. We are so happy you want to read the previous chapters too. So glad you enjoyed the story mixed with the poems. As for the tears--that's good too, because stirring up the emotions was our intention. Chapter 6 is in the works now and coming soon!
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Mistydawn
Not once, but twice you had me in tears. I do hope by some miracle he'll be alright. It's very well-written, emotional I look forward to reading more (sniffle, sniffle.)
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
|
Not once, but twice you had me in tears. I do hope by some miracle he'll be alright. It's very well-written, emotional I look forward to reading more (sniffle, sniffle.)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
-
Awww, love your comments here! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 5 of Love Long Distance. We really appreciate you following along with this novel. Stay tuned! Chapter 6 is in the works and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Earl Corp
Wow that is a long poem that Bill dictated to Cathy in his condition. Im pretty sure Bill doesn't die, because that would be the end of the book, unless you're going to explore how Cathy gets over Bill and meets someone else.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
|
Wow that is a long poem that Bill dictated to Cathy in his condition. Im pretty sure Bill doesn't die, because that would be the end of the book, unless you're going to explore how Cathy gets over Bill and meets someone else.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
-
Hi Earl! Thanks so much for stopping by to read and review Chapter 5 of Love Long Distance. Yes, you are right about Bill dictating the poem in his condition. Changes have been made to that part of the story. Chapter 6 is in the works and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Gunner Lil
An easy read with good pace. A fine history lesion
of the early 1960's.
I do not believe that the word 'bummer' was used in the sixties.
Would Bill 'de-arm' or disarm the missile? Was it an air to ground or air to air missile?
Why does Bill whisper to himself? Why not thought?
Who is he speaking about the missile and injury? It is more telling than showing.
You used the exclamation point seven times at the end of this chapter.
Bill's guts are slashed and he's not overcome with pain? His buddies would have pumped him full of morphine. I don't think he'd be saying a poem.
The Doctor seems to be in a panic. A military doctor would not.
The poems are a nice touch but slows the story down.
The part about the missile and Bill's injury needs work. Don't have Bill tell the story. He would be unable to do so.
(I never saw a nurse in Nam USMC 1961-1994
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
|
An easy read with good pace. A fine history lesion
of the early 1960's.
I do not believe that the word 'bummer' was used in the sixties.
Would Bill 'de-arm' or disarm the missile? Was it an air to ground or air to air missile?
Why does Bill whisper to himself? Why not thought?
Who is he speaking about the missile and injury? It is more telling than showing.
You used the exclamation point seven times at the end of this chapter.
Bill's guts are slashed and he's not overcome with pain? His buddies would have pumped him full of morphine. I don't think he'd be saying a poem.
The Doctor seems to be in a panic. A military doctor would not.
The poems are a nice touch but slows the story down.
The part about the missile and Bill's injury needs work. Don't have Bill tell the story. He would be unable to do so.
(I never saw a nurse in Nam USMC 1961-1994
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
-
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 5 of Love Long Distance. Here are the answers to your questions:
(1) The first use of the word "bummer" was in 1855
(2) De-arm is a procedure in the arming/de-arming of a rocket, missile, etc.
(3) The missile was a "Ground to air," not "Air to ground or Air to Air."
(4) The Doctor was not in a panic, yet in a professional and caring frame of mind.
(5) Bill was alone when injured. No "buddies!" They are called "medics" and participate in an emergency situation.
(6) Poems slowing the story down is your opinion. We feel they help to tell the story.
(7) Nurse in Vietnam? Bill was hospitalized at Eglin Air Force Base in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. May we recommend that you read the previous chapters to try and understand the next.
(8) Thank you for your service to God and Country.
(9) Bill (Commando) did 30-years with the US Air Force. Read his profile "ABOUT" and get to know him.
You do have a good point about Bill not being able to make up/recite a poem on his deathbed. That has been revised. Thank you again. Chapter 6 is already in the works and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
-
Bummer in 1855 meant a "bum" or someone homeless. In 1966 when again used meant a bad deal.
I was taught authors show and not tell.
But only trying to help. Sorry if my critique offended the story teller.
-
We SALUTE you! No offense taken. We thank you for your suggestions. The word "bummer" has been removed.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from samandlancelot
Tootie,
You know I'd wait a thousand years
for you to kiss away my tears (very touching)
Your poems are lovely, but it's hard for me to believe Bill is such a great poet, that on his deathbed he would be able to make up a rhyming poem like that -- including a title -- and recite it for dictation. I think that would be an amazing feat for even the greatest poet in the world.
I hope this helps.
Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
|
Tootie,
You know I'd wait a thousand years
for you to kiss away my tears (very touching)
Your poems are lovely, but it's hard for me to believe Bill is such a great poet, that on his deathbed he would be able to make up a rhyming poem like that -- including a title -- and recite it for dictation. I think that would be an amazing feat for even the greatest poet in the world.
I hope this helps.
Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
-
Hi Patricia, We really appreciate you stopping by to read and review Chapter 5 of Love Long Distance. Thank you! You have a good point about Bill being able to recite a poem on his deathbed. That part has been revised. We hope it is more believable now. Yes, your suggestion helped! Thank you again! So glad you enjoyed the poems. Stay tuned for Chapter 6. It's already in the works and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill and Cathy
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was an emotional part, Cathy worried about Bill after his last letter, and she writes a loving heart=breaking poem for him. And Bill, broken and almost at deaths door, getting the nurse to write down what he thinks might be his last words with his very emotional poem. Very hard part to write, but you both did it so well. Excellent. :) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
|
That was an emotional part, Cathy worried about Bill after his last letter, and she writes a loving heart=breaking poem for him. And Bill, broken and almost at deaths door, getting the nurse to write down what he thinks might be his last words with his very emotional poem. Very hard part to write, but you both did it so well. Excellent. :) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
-
First of all, congratulations on winning 1st place for Book of the Month! We SALUTE you! Thank you so much for stopping by to read Chapter 5 of Love Long Distance. So glad you enjoyed it and we really appreciate your detailed comments. Be sure to come back for the next chapter. It's in the works already and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
-
Thank you! I'll be away for ten days, so will catch up when I come home. I don't want to miss the next part. :)) xx