St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "St. Louis Chapter 4 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
24 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, this is a great continuation and it was worth waiting for. I like the interaction and the dialogue is great. She can't cook but she can take a car apart and put it back together. I'm sorry you didn't get any rain to speak of. Now we haven't had rain for a very very long time, but the weather Gods decided that Easter this year would be a good time. It's been torrential for 5 days only stopping an hour ago. Everything was cancelled. It's been the longest 5 days in memory. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Hi Barbara, this is a great continuation and it was worth waiting for. I like the interaction and the dialogue is great. She can't cook but she can take a car apart and put it back together. I'm sorry you didn't get any rain to speak of. Now we haven't had rain for a very very long time, but the weather Gods decided that Easter this year would be a good time. It's been torrential for 5 days only stopping an hour ago. Everything was cancelled. It's been the longest 5 days in memory. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Okay, you HAVE posted. Good for you. Glad to see you got that issue worked out. Seemed like forever. ha!
This is working out to be rather entertaining. Totally different than the last few things I've read by you. *smile*
I like these characters - more!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Barbara,
Okay, you HAVE posted. Good for you. Glad to see you got that issue worked out. Seemed like forever. ha!
This is working out to be rather entertaining. Totally different than the last few things I've read by you. *smile*
I like these characters - more!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was superb, Barbara. This is a completely different story to the last ones I've read of yours. I like it a lot. You seem to be able to get inside everyone's heads and come out with the exact right things to say. So, now that Mac has almost ruled out Whitney, where does she go from there? Perhaps the school head will shed some info on Megan's friends that could prove useful. We'll see. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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That was superb, Barbara. This is a completely different story to the last ones I've read of yours. I like it a lot. You seem to be able to get inside everyone's heads and come out with the exact right things to say. So, now that Mac has almost ruled out Whitney, where does she go from there? Perhaps the school head will shed some info on Megan's friends that could prove useful. We'll see. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Nice continuation once again.
The relationship is deepening between your two main protagonists here nicely as they take steps toward the investigation.
"Just a minute." McKenzie bent over and took off the stilettos. "I hate walking in these." She carried the heels. - wouldn't driving in them be just as bad?
"Mind telling me what you've been up to." - maybe this should have a question mark.
"I'm hungry let's get to the store." - maybe a comma after hungry here.
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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Hi there,
Nice continuation once again.
The relationship is deepening between your two main protagonists here nicely as they take steps toward the investigation.
"Just a minute." McKenzie bent over and took off the stilettos. "I hate walking in these." She carried the heels. - wouldn't driving in them be just as bad?
"Mind telling me what you've been up to." - maybe this should have a question mark.
"I'm hungry let's get to the store." - maybe a comma after hungry here.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the review and the help. I always appreciate your reviews.
Comment from djsaxon
The write is dialogue driven and I like that. I have a few speech tag issues, and stylistic spags.
"Just a minute." McKenzie bent over and took off the (her) stilettos. "I hate walking in these." She carried the heels
"His slutty girlfriend," interrupted McKenzie. (McKenzie interrupted)
"Not really. It's just me." Her eyes met Logan's. "I guess you're staying for dinner. Want to go out or order delivery?" (order in - delivery feels clunky)
"Good to know." (Logan said). (He continued to the backyard). What have I gotten myself into?
It just sometimes feels that you were in a hurry.
with respect - DJ
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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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The write is dialogue driven and I like that. I have a few speech tag issues, and stylistic spags.
"Just a minute." McKenzie bent over and took off the (her) stilettos. "I hate walking in these." She carried the heels
"His slutty girlfriend," interrupted McKenzie. (McKenzie interrupted)
"Not really. It's just me." Her eyes met Logan's. "I guess you're staying for dinner. Want to go out or order delivery?" (order in - delivery feels clunky)
"Good to know." (Logan said). (He continued to the backyard). What have I gotten myself into?
It just sometimes feels that you were in a hurry.
with respect - DJ
.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the review and the help.
Comment from Ben Colder
She plays an all around gal and the guy is trying hard to figure her out. That will never happen. Nobody knows the me mind of a woman. LOL. Good one Barb..
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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She plays an all around gal and the guy is trying hard to figure her out. That will never happen. Nobody knows the me mind of a woman. LOL. Good one Barb..
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from light
I am hooked on this story. Mac doesn't cook, but she can rebuild an engine. My father made me learn to take care of my car. He was a mechanic. Looking into the school is a good idea. Waiting for the next chapter.
Elaine
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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I am hooked on this story. Mac doesn't cook, but she can rebuild an engine. My father made me learn to take care of my car. He was a mechanic. Looking into the school is a good idea. Waiting for the next chapter.
Elaine
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
This works great. Jose is an interesting character. He is someone who will see that Mac stays safe. Both Jose and Mac have reached the same conclusion--that Whitney isn't a murderer. Checking out the school Megan attended sounds like a good idea. Mac hasn't been on the case long, but she's moving forward with her inquiries. Logan's interest in Mac is definitely piqued after he sees her undercover disguise. This is a great chapter. I wasn't bothered by the length, as it moved deftly. judi
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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This works great. Jose is an interesting character. He is someone who will see that Mac stays safe. Both Jose and Mac have reached the same conclusion--that Whitney isn't a murderer. Checking out the school Megan attended sounds like a good idea. Mac hasn't been on the case long, but she's moving forward with her inquiries. Logan's interest in Mac is definitely piqued after he sees her undercover disguise. This is a great chapter. I wasn't bothered by the length, as it moved deftly. judi
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. It was an interesting chapter. Great reading. judi
Comment from Tootsie55
Another excellent chapter.; IN spite of a spag or two. I always enjoy your writing. Now for the spags.McKenzie's hands were on (her)hips.
I'm not sure he's a murder(er)."
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Another excellent chapter.; IN spite of a spag or two. I always enjoy your writing. Now for the spags.McKenzie's hands were on (her)hips.
I'm not sure he's a murder(er)."
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I'll fix that.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Barbara! I'm loving this book! I love the role reversal you tossed into this chapter... she doesn't cook, but she can strip an engine and put it back together in a wink! LOL, He's ... what... Special Forces??? AND he cooks??? What a man!!! I'll take two, please!!! LOL (this way when one is serving the other can be home... I think things through too! lol) He'll rescue her in the end of course... or perhaps she'll rescue him! ;)
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Hi Barbara! I'm loving this book! I love the role reversal you tossed into this chapter... she doesn't cook, but she can strip an engine and put it back together in a wink! LOL, He's ... what... Special Forces??? AND he cooks??? What a man!!! I'll take two, please!!! LOL (this way when one is serving the other can be home... I think things through too! lol) He'll rescue her in the end of course... or perhaps she'll rescue him! ;)
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
