St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "St. Louis Chapter 2 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
20 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
It sounds like Mac isn't out of the woods yet, and she is a long ways from trusting Logan. A great informational chapter.
A suggestion:
'"Yeah, right." Logan chuckled as he grabbed the remote control. "I hope there's a game on. I'm sure the Cards are blocked. Wait, they're playing in Atlanta." He turned his head to check on McKenzie. Good, she's asleep. I wonder what mess, she's gotten into. Since Dad hired her yesterday, I doubt it has anything to do with Whitney. What else is she working on? I'll never find out tonight. She probably wouldn't tell me anyway. Thinking this should be italicized--it's internal dialogue, right?
~patty~
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2019
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Hi, Barbara,
It sounds like Mac isn't out of the woods yet, and she is a long ways from trusting Logan. A great informational chapter.
A suggestion:
'"Yeah, right." Logan chuckled as he grabbed the remote control. "I hope there's a game on. I'm sure the Cards are blocked. Wait, they're playing in Atlanta." He turned his head to check on McKenzie. Good, she's asleep. I wonder what mess, she's gotten into. Since Dad hired her yesterday, I doubt it has anything to do with Whitney. What else is she working on? I'll never find out tonight. She probably wouldn't tell me anyway. Thinking this should be italicized--it's internal dialogue, right?
~patty~
Comment Written 04-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2019
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I just changed it. I was worried about having too much thought. I've been told before I use it too often. Thank you.
Comment from judiverse
This is really starting off great. It certainly seems like there hasn't been enough time for this to be related to Whitney's murder. It could be something from the past, come to cause her grief. It's also intriguing that they chose this way to get to her. Whatever, it's serious. Sounds like Mac needs a private eye herself. Anyhow, it's put her out of commission for a while. Great story, and great suspense. judi
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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This is really starting off great. It certainly seems like there hasn't been enough time for this to be related to Whitney's murder. It could be something from the past, come to cause her grief. It's also intriguing that they chose this way to get to her. Whatever, it's serious. Sounds like Mac needs a private eye herself. Anyhow, it's put her out of commission for a while. Great story, and great suspense. judi
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. Mac isn't going to want to believe what the problem is.
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You're welcome. Now you really have me intrigued. The results of the test must be rather startling, then. judi
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
What it's going to take two days before the Doctor (Simon ) to get results to see what caused McKenzie to get so ill, so here you are leaving us here on Fanstory with the rebuts of the blood test and what was the commotion that
Logan heard in the hotel hallway.
Gert
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Hello Barb
What it's going to take two days before the Doctor (Simon ) to get results to see what caused McKenzie to get so ill, so here you are leaving us here on Fanstory with the rebuts of the blood test and what was the commotion that
Logan heard in the hotel hallway.
Gert
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.. Yep, it's going to take awhile. LOL
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, this was a great chapter and I liked it a lot. Great dialogue and easy to follow. I didn't see anything to corect and I'm looking forward to the continuation of your story. All the best., Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Hi Barbara, this was a great chapter and I liked it a lot. Great dialogue and easy to follow. I didn't see anything to corect and I'm looking forward to the continuation of your story. All the best., Ulla:)))
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from light
Barbara, good chapter, easy to read, and keeps interest. I like the dialogue and descriptions. It gives me a good picture of the situation. I look forward to the next chapter.
Elaine
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Barbara, good chapter, easy to read, and keeps interest. I like the dialogue and descriptions. It gives me a good picture of the situation. I look forward to the next chapter.
Elaine
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Nice chapter, and easy to read. Your characters are appropriate to the dialogue. I didn't see any spag to tell you about. Have a blessed Sunday. Shirley
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Nice chapter, and easy to read. Your characters are appropriate to the dialogue. I didn't see any spag to tell you about. Have a blessed Sunday. Shirley
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
Good reading Barbara, poor Mackenzie wakes up with the obvious affect of some sort of drug affecting her, Simon Knight, a lab technician takes a sample of urine, a blood sample, to ascertain hat sort of drug,he guesses it might be GHB, or a date-rape drug. Well done Barbara, good episode. Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Good reading Barbara, poor Mackenzie wakes up with the obvious affect of some sort of drug affecting her, Simon Knight, a lab technician takes a sample of urine, a blood sample, to ascertain hat sort of drug,he guesses it might be GHB, or a date-rape drug. Well done Barbara, good episode. Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Most welcome
Comment from 24chas
A good chapter, Barbara. Like the pace of this one. Simon was efficient and I'm anxious to see what the drug was. I'm a little suspicious of the activity in the hall. Good job. One small nit: An Irish Pub (An Irish pub)
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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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A good chapter, Barbara. Like the pace of this one. Simon was efficient and I'm anxious to see what the drug was. I'm a little suspicious of the activity in the hall. Good job. One small nit: An Irish Pub (An Irish pub)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the catch. I will fix that.
Comment from SLMorrical
This is very good. Interesting how Logan's army buddy knew Logan liked her more than an acquaintance. So now Logan's doing PI work to protect Mac. Interesting, and also sweet. She was probably given the GHB, but not because she was working on something, probably just because she is a nice looking woman.
I am very interested in finding out if Logan actually comes clean to Mac about his feelings for her. This is very well done. I look forward to the next post.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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This is very good. Interesting how Logan's army buddy knew Logan liked her more than an acquaintance. So now Logan's doing PI work to protect Mac. Interesting, and also sweet. She was probably given the GHB, but not because she was working on something, probably just because she is a nice looking woman.
I am very interested in finding out if Logan actually comes clean to Mac about his feelings for her. This is very well done. I look forward to the next post.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Mac and Logan will have a very interesting relationship. I can't wait to get to know them better. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Barbara,
This is very well written and an intriguing read. The dialogue is great and your prose effectively conveys Mac feeling so ill.
You also address a societal problem in this chapter: date rape drugs.
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Hi Barbara,
This is very well written and an intriguing read. The dialogue is great and your prose effectively conveys Mac feeling so ill.
You also address a societal problem in this chapter: date rape drugs.
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I tend to address many issues in my posts.
