The Far Jump
The farthest Jump possible (maybe)26 total reviews
Comment from Randa Dayle
It has a subject, and a conflict, but doesn't leave me cheering, or rooting for our subject to win. Interesting story. 100 words is tough, and you did a do a good try!
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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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It has a subject, and a conflict, but doesn't leave me cheering, or rooting for our subject to win. Interesting story. 100 words is tough, and you did a do a good try!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from LaFrance
An excellent one hundred word story. It was clever and highly imaginative and it had a positive message of never giving up even if your goal is unbelievable to capture.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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An excellent one hundred word story. It was clever and highly imaginative and it had a positive message of never giving up even if your goal is unbelievable to capture.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much!
Comment from beencounter
You have a lot of action packed into 100 words! The following is provided in hopes of helping you win the contest: You might consider the tense through the story. At times it's past tense and sometimes it's not. For example, see the first sentence. Tom Trident wanted to attempt an impossible jump that no one has imagined possible. I believe the word had should be considered "had" instead of "has". Or instead you might think about writing the story in an active voice such as Tom Trident wants to attempt ... And on a lighter note here is a tense joke: The past and the present walked into a bar. It was tense.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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You have a lot of action packed into 100 words! The following is provided in hopes of helping you win the contest: You might consider the tense through the story. At times it's past tense and sometimes it's not. For example, see the first sentence. Tom Trident wanted to attempt an impossible jump that no one has imagined possible. I believe the word had should be considered "had" instead of "has". Or instead you might think about writing the story in an active voice such as Tom Trident wants to attempt ... And on a lighter note here is a tense joke: The past and the present walked into a bar. It was tense.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Thank you and thanks for the advice!
Comment from 24chas
I liked this read, Raul1. That would be quite a jump indeed. One thing you may want to look at: Tom Trident wanted to attempt an impossible jump that no one has imagined possible. (had imagined possible) Nice job of writing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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I liked this read, Raul1. That would be quite a jump indeed. One thing you may want to look at: Tom Trident wanted to attempt an impossible jump that no one has imagined possible. (had imagined possible) Nice job of writing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Poetic Friend
Well, You tube is certainly a way to gain recognition. Many people have become famous via You Tube.
With brevity, you provided the readers a story of perseverance and determination.
If this is non-fictional, good luck with You Tube. Also, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Well, You tube is certainly a way to gain recognition. Many people have become famous via You Tube.
With brevity, you provided the readers a story of perseverance and determination.
If this is non-fictional, good luck with You Tube. Also, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from JudyE
That's an interesting contribution. One thing I picked up. You say: Tom has accomplished by jumping 700 ft. Have you left out a word here? I would have thought that you have would have to accomplish something, not just 'accomplish'. Maybe you could say Tom has 'triumphed' by jumping 700 ft. As this is in the 100 word competition, you can't really add any more words. I hope you don't mind my suggestion and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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That's an interesting contribution. One thing I picked up. You say: Tom has accomplished by jumping 700 ft. Have you left out a word here? I would have thought that you have would have to accomplish something, not just 'accomplish'. Maybe you could say Tom has 'triumphed' by jumping 700 ft. As this is in the 100 word competition, you can't really add any more words. I hope you don't mind my suggestion and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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Thank you !:)
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very unique offering for this contest and one that certainly was very informative with respect to the crazy things folks do on YouTube! ;) :) Thanx for sharing that smile withe everyone and best of luck to you in the contest! :)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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A very unique offering for this contest and one that certainly was very informative with respect to the crazy things folks do on YouTube! ;) :) Thanx for sharing that smile withe everyone and best of luck to you in the contest! :)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Thank you! :)
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I haven't seen the video, but I assume he was jumping downhill. Or maybe on the moon. This is an excellent contest entry and will do well in the voting booth.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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I haven't seen the video, but I assume he was jumping downhill. Or maybe on the moon. This is an excellent contest entry and will do well in the voting booth.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Thank you so very much!
Comment from kiwijenny
Wow . It shows what practice and sheer determination and an iPhone can do..
Leap jump hero. I'm fascinated by YouTube
Well penned ..I like that he never gives up and he succeeds
God bless
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Wow . It shows what practice and sheer determination and an iPhone can do..
Leap jump hero. I'm fascinated by YouTube
Well penned ..I like that he never gives up and he succeeds
God bless
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thank you! :)
Comment from Sugarray77
Great job on this, Raul. I have not heard of this guy and will have to look him up. Your short story is a wonderful entry fo rthe 100 Word Writing prompt. I wish you luck.
Melissa
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Great job on this, Raul. I have not heard of this guy and will have to look him up. Your short story is a wonderful entry fo rthe 100 Word Writing prompt. I wish you luck.
Melissa
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much!
