My Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Teaching"My life after meeting Jim.
11 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This was an excellent idea , to explain the working conditions as a result of questions. However, idf you intend to go further with this I would move the information further forward so that the questions are answered before the reader actually asks them.
Three ideas for this version:
'... but one can (by) *buy* an adapter ...'
'... each tech has to have tanks weighing in about 75 pounds ...' Do you mean that the tech has to carry these or are they on some sort of cart or trolley? I suggest you should make that clear it makes a difference to the nature of the job if you have to backpack 75 pounds.
'That was nice of the park.' I was always told not to use the word 'nice' in writing it is so nebulous. In this case it was 'generous' of the park to permit you the use of their conference room, so that is the word you should use here.
I would have thought that high visibility (yellow or orange) jackets and possibly trousers would have been mandatory working on the roadside. As well as standing out they lend an air of officialdom to the wearer.
Is this the conclusion to this story or are we going to hear more?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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This was an excellent idea , to explain the working conditions as a result of questions. However, idf you intend to go further with this I would move the information further forward so that the questions are answered before the reader actually asks them.
Three ideas for this version:
'... but one can (by) *buy* an adapter ...'
'... each tech has to have tanks weighing in about 75 pounds ...' Do you mean that the tech has to carry these or are they on some sort of cart or trolley? I suggest you should make that clear it makes a difference to the nature of the job if you have to backpack 75 pounds.
'That was nice of the park.' I was always told not to use the word 'nice' in writing it is so nebulous. In this case it was 'generous' of the park to permit you the use of their conference room, so that is the word you should use here.
I would have thought that high visibility (yellow or orange) jackets and possibly trousers would have been mandatory working on the roadside. As well as standing out they lend an air of officialdom to the wearer.
Is this the conclusion to this story or are we going to hear more?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Thank you Jim for reading, reviewing and your kind comments and suggestions. I will take care of those suggestions in a few moments. There is more to come, its like an unblog blog lol.