Online Match
A couple meets online24 total reviews
Comment from jenintorre
Your poem is very action packed and a good warning about on-line dating. However I think it needs a good edit as I found it quite confusing in parts.
1) a couple meets. Should be meet.
2) address. - should be addresses.
3) if the phone was dead it wouldn't have a dial tone.
All the best Jen.x
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
  |
Your poem is very action packed and a good warning about on-line dating. However I think it needs a good edit as I found it quite confusing in parts.
1) a couple meets. Should be meet.
2) address. - should be addresses.
3) if the phone was dead it wouldn't have a dial tone.
All the best Jen.x
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Hi Jen. Thank you for taking the time to review this in detail. I really appreciate it. I have made changes for your last two issues, but couple is a singular noun so it should be meets
https://www.google.com/search?q=is+couple+a+singular+noun&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari
Thank you for your thorough and nice review
Comment from Hayley Zemontas
A poem that is very harrowing but also intriguing to read and something that is sadly is so prominent nowadays due to the advances in technology. I think online dating can be great and actually my mum met my stepdad on an online site but also your story highlights the risks with this because people can say whatever they want, and many people have been tricked in this way so thanks for raising awareness of this issue. As always, I loved your use of rhyme and your story telling skills are fantastic. X
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
A poem that is very harrowing but also intriguing to read and something that is sadly is so prominent nowadays due to the advances in technology. I think online dating can be great and actually my mum met my stepdad on an online site but also your story highlights the risks with this because people can say whatever they want, and many people have been tricked in this way so thanks for raising awareness of this issue. As always, I loved your use of rhyme and your story telling skills are fantastic. X
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Hayley for your very lovely review
Comment from karenina
In this era of online dating there is a firewall that has eroded. Used to be we would meet through friends, co-workers, or family. Now "catfishing" is common and so often everything from image to bio has no basis in fact...
Not too long at all. An important warning to all who think "That would never happen to me."
Murder lurks...best not gamble with your life!
Karenina
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
In this era of online dating there is a firewall that has eroded. Used to be we would meet through friends, co-workers, or family. Now "catfishing" is common and so often everything from image to bio has no basis in fact...
Not too long at all. An important warning to all who think "That would never happen to me."
Murder lurks...best not gamble with your life!
Karenina
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Thank you karenina for your very lovely review. Take care of yourself
-
SO nice to read you again!--Hope you are hanging in there!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Pamusart
As I reading your freighting poem, I actually thought you were telling us of terrifying experience that you went through
Then realized it's a lesson when a killer is loose. Also, online dating can be dangerous.
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
Hello Pamusart
As I reading your freighting poem, I actually thought you were telling us of terrifying experience that you went through
Then realized it's a lesson when a killer is loose. Also, online dating can be dangerous.
Gert
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Gert for your very lovely review
-
Hi Pamurast you are welcome.
Gert
Comment from AngelsDemons
What's striking about this piece is the truth behind this scenario. This could happen to anyone at anytime so I'm glad you are putting this on so that women readers can be aware of this new way of luring women. True love does come eventually just not online( or it shouldn't) .Thanks for sharing.
."
"
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
What's striking about this piece is the truth behind this scenario. This could happen to anyone at anytime so I'm glad you are putting this on so that women readers can be aware of this new way of luring women. True love does come eventually just not online( or it shouldn't) .Thanks for sharing.
."
"
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Thank you AngelsDemons for your very lovely review. Nice to see you today
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
Wow. A very compelling and worthwhile message to share with others. Online dating truly can be dangerous (predators, killers, catfishing, ID theft) and your full story was well-written without holding back the details that people need to read. I enjoyed your topic and message.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
Wow. A very compelling and worthwhile message to share with others. Online dating truly can be dangerous (predators, killers, catfishing, ID theft) and your full story was well-written without holding back the details that people need to read. I enjoyed your topic and message.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Cindy for your very lovely review
Comment from Ogden
Wow! What an imagination you have, Pam. That's quite a story!
But, I must point out an inconsistency in the second stanza, that troubled me while reading the rest of the poem. In order to be aware of most of what you mention about the creep, you'd have to have been working alongside him at the same job, but you met him on line.
Anyway, I sure hope you survived!
;)
Don
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
Wow! What an imagination you have, Pam. That's quite a story!
But, I must point out an inconsistency in the second stanza, that troubled me while reading the rest of the poem. In order to be aware of most of what you mention about the creep, you'd have to have been working alongside him at the same job, but you met him on line.
Anyway, I sure hope you survived!
;)
Don
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
He had an online profile that she read. It said he was a marine biologist, but he was not. Maybe I need the add a couplet. I think I see what you mean, Don. Thank you for your insightful review
-
I think it is OK Don because it is background. I did not know but I was giving background for the reader.
-
:) read it again, with an open mind, Pam, and you'll see the incongruity.
Don
-
You're welcome, Pam, and yes, he wouldn't have revealed his goofing off, reluctance to clean the tanks, and his smell in his profile. You had to be with him to know that.
Don
-
I changed it so the first two stanzas are in the third person about him before I knew him. Thank you. Take care
-
You have some more work to do, Pam. You're talking about the guy (as 'him') until 'i don't connect you to the crime,' and then you go back to using third person. You can't leave it that way.
And while I'm at it, here's another thing. 'I thought the dating sites would vet,' doesn't fly, either. See if you like this instead.
'Those days, I used the internet, and by and by a guy I met.' Otherwise, do fix it up some way.
:)
Don
-
No. Don. I did not say I until I talked about the dating sites on the internet. The first two stanzas are in third person because I, the narrator do not know the facts in the first two stanzas. What made you think I had firsthand knowledge? I only saw his profile. That is why I went out with hi
We can agree to disagree The first two stanzas are background information so the reader knows the facts.
-
No. Don. I did not say I until I talked about the dating sites on the internet. The first two stanzas are in third person because I, the narrator do not know the facts in the first two stanzas. What made you think I had firsthand knowledge? I only saw his profile. That is why I went out with hi
We can agree to disagree The first two stanzas are background information so the reader knows the facts.
-
Ok, Pam, It's your poem, bur re-read it, and I'm sure you'll see I'm right. I'm trying to help you, but I'll bow out here.
:)
Don
-
Thank you. You are the only one to mention this. But since it confused you, I rewrote it. The things in the past tense are things that happened before the new girl met him. I also changed the vet line. So everything in present tense happened after they met for dinner. I went back to past tense to describe what the news was reporting on the TV. Let me know what you think if you feel like it. Thank you
Comment from Pantygynt
This terrible warning was a compulsive read. I suppose that really put in perspective for every monster there are hundreds of genuine lonely folk of there trying desperately to pair up, but the monsters are clever and full of guile.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
This terrible warning was a compulsive read. I suppose that really put in perspective for every monster there are hundreds of genuine lonely folk of there trying desperately to pair up, but the monsters are clever and full of guile.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Jim for your insightful review
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem and a valid warning to be careful about online dating and the dangers of making friends with people we only know from the internet. Although the internet can be helpful it also has many dangers we cannot see before it is too late.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
A very well-written poem and a valid warning to be careful about online dating and the dangers of making friends with people we only know from the internet. Although the internet can be helpful it also has many dangers we cannot see before it is too late.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Sandra for your wonderful review
Comment from WildWithWords
As an online chatter for 18 years I can attest to the horror stories such as this out there. Despite that I've had no trouble meeting people on the far side of the world. Trust is such an easy thing to gain (though at least mine is honorable). There's a lesson in that.
You did a good job on this and don't sweat it about the length. It held my interest throughout, though I would rather an ending.
You should possibly revisit the final Verse Line 3 for a quick syllable count. I've been tricked before by words like "aged" (aged OR a-ged) but still worth checking if "nailed" is 1 or 2 syllables in....
"The only window's been nailed shut".
I would say 2 but no expert me. That potentially makes 9.
Bill (WldWithWords)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
|
As an online chatter for 18 years I can attest to the horror stories such as this out there. Despite that I've had no trouble meeting people on the far side of the world. Trust is such an easy thing to gain (though at least mine is honorable). There's a lesson in that.
You did a good job on this and don't sweat it about the length. It held my interest throughout, though I would rather an ending.
You should possibly revisit the final Verse Line 3 for a quick syllable count. I've been tricked before by words like "aged" (aged OR a-ged) but still worth checking if "nailed" is 1 or 2 syllables in....
"The only window's been nailed shut".
I would say 2 but no expert me. That potentially makes 9.
Bill (WldWithWords)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
-
Here in the states nailed is only one syllable pronounced nayld Thank you Bill for such an awesome and detailed review
