Comment from themundanegirl

Excellent

This is a very well written poem. Very good word choice as it flows smoothly. I like the picture you chose to go along with it as well. Thanks for sharing!

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Thank you for the encouraging review. Have a wonderful day.

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

This is a really well written poem in the Triolet form. It has excellent rhyming, rhythm and flow. The most comforting thing on a dark night is a pinpoint of light. Marilyn

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Thank you for the positive and uplifting review, Marilyn. I do like looking at the stars.

Debi

Comment from Katherine Nye

Good

This was quite a unique poem. I noticed that two of the lines were repeated from the paragraph above. It is an excellent technique as it makes the point more powerful. I believe that ancient Hebrew writers used this technique in their writings.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I see you are new. Welcome.

Comment from rwilliam

Exceptional

This is really well written. It has such feeling to it. I had to read it three times bc it was so intriguing to me. Very well done.

The picture is really fun. Congratulations on the awards, you earned them.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Oh how very generous of you to give this poem a six star rating. Thank you so much. And such a high compliment that you read it several times because you found it intriguing. I am humbled and grateful. Thank you so much.
Debi

Comment from TPAC

Excellent

I had problem with this write, mostly by my own discerning of its presentation. I felt so many possibilities within its concept.
For instance:
As shadows seek to veil the night
intrepid sparks ignite their flame sight.
Soft points of light shall glow them more bright
as shadows seek to veil its fright.
Just my opinion but more feeling about this work.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Hi TPAC,

Thank you for the feedback and suggestions. Looks like you are suggesting a mono rhyme.

In case the Triolet poetry form is new to you--it is a set form and is a bit restricting which is the challenge. I guess I should have described the requirements of the Triolet in the notes. Line 1 and 4 and 7 have to be exactly the same. Line 2 and 8 have to be exactly the same. The rhyme scheme is set as ABaA abAB (with the capital letters representing the repeated lines.)

I appreciate you taking the time to read and review, and for the suggestions. I always appreciate constructive feedback. :)

Debi

Comment from rspoet

Excellent

Hello w.j.,
This is a very fine triolet written precisely to the form
with excellent repeat lines and wonderful alliteration
that slides right off the tongue.
The stanza break is unusual, but works well.
I love the imagery of intrepid sparks and shimmering stars
Wonderful, intriguing art work to match
Well done
No six stars left, so I'll send loads of sparks
******
Robert

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Hi Robert,
Thank you for the wonderful review. You are the second person to mention the stanza break. That is the only way I have seen a Triolet presented so I looked it up. Poetry dances shows it both with and without the break. Shadow Poetry shows it as only one stanza of eight lines. Who knew? I appreciate learning something new. I love the sparkles. I guess the next one will be one stanza for me. Thank you!
Debi

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-I like your triolet very much.
-It is one of my favorite forms.
-You have a good repeating line.
-The imagery is effective with the
inclusion of types of light
from stars and constellations.
-Thanks for sharing, W.J.Debi.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Hi Pam,
Thank you for the kind comments and analysis. I appreciate you stopping in to read and review and encourage.
Deib

reply by Pam (respa) on 22-Jun-2018

You are very welcome, Deib.

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

This is a beautifully worded triolet which flows so very well the repetition isn't noticable as it is so many times. Excellent work, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Hi Debbie,
Thank you for the wonderful review. I worried about those repeating lines being too obvious and your comments is that they aren't is so very welcome.
Debi

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Nicely done. Beautifully written. Would have liked to read more. Light on words, light on delivery...in a positive sense, beautifully credible.
My best wishes.
RG

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

HI RG,
Sometimes I feel limited by these short forms, but I do attempt them on purpose. I tend to get wordy and the limits make me be concise. Thank you for encouraging review.
Debi

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

I enjoyed this poem. The repetition of of a couple of the lines was well done in my opinion. My only constructive critique would be to have your rhyme scheme be solid throughout, but I'm not much of a poet. A very enjoyable poem!

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018

Thank you, Russell.
Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
Jut a little information to help out with this particular form. The Triolet form is a very strict form. Line 1 is repeated exactly in line four and seven. Line 2 is repeated exactly as the closing line. The rhyme scheme is set as ABaA abAB (capital letters represent the required repeated lines).
I find the Triolet challenging because of the required repeated lines and the fact you really only get five different lines total, and the rhyme scheme is a bit different. Now put that all together, make the repeating lines not stick out as too obvious and have the verse make sense and readable is a challenge. LOL. I just wanted to give it a try.


Thanks again for the great review. I always welcome your insight.

Hey, I am thinking of writing chapter four of that seven chapter challenge. I loved your first chapter. I missed it when it first came out back in April. Not sure we can get three more people to jump on it, but thought I'd at least give it a try. I've never done a multi author story before.

reply by F. Wehr3 on 22-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the knowledge and insight! I knew I must have been missing something. I took a break from the site and just saw your name today, so I had to read it.

I would love it if you participated in the Footprints challenge! Please do and then we'll have to find at least one more person. Have a great day!