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Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Lady of the house"Free verse poems
17 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A ghostly write with a chilling theme and unusual form that gives your poem an eerie presence, Pantygynt sure has you thinking outside the box here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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A ghostly write with a chilling theme and unusual form that gives your poem an eerie presence, Pantygynt sure has you thinking outside the box here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-May-2018
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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I love this form, and yes Jim does inspire many of us to think outside the box. THank you :))
Carol
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a perfect three cycle Pantygynt, Carol. I've almost forgotten all those forms the brilliant poets on FanStory created.
It goes without saying, you've written in excellent rhyme and metre about your mother and how deeply sad it naturally is for you. I can't do anything more than imagine what it must be like to have a mother's memories vanish and there's nothing you can do.
Thank you for sharing.
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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This is a perfect three cycle Pantygynt, Carol. I've almost forgotten all those forms the brilliant poets on FanStory created.
It goes without saying, you've written in excellent rhyme and metre about your mother and how deeply sad it naturally is for you. I can't do anything more than imagine what it must be like to have a mother's memories vanish and there's nothing you can do.
Thank you for sharing.
Gloria
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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Thanks, Gloria, I do like this form very much - Jim really scored with it. I will keep writing them, I hope others do the same. Maybe time for a Pantygynt contest again!
Carol
Comment from tfawcus
Wonderful atmosphere built with your word choices but I think that what really makes this special is the way you have paced it with your mid-line caesuras. A very special poem in many ways. Nostalgia at its best.
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Wonderful atmosphere built with your word choices but I think that what really makes this special is the way you have paced it with your mid-line caesuras. A very special poem in many ways. Nostalgia at its best.
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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I'm not sure I did the mid-line pauses on purpose, but I think I see what you mean. It's something I have worked on for awhile - wrote on the back on an envelope months ago, lost, and then rewrote last week, lol - many permutations preceding the finished product! Thanks, Tony,
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing the photograph of your mother's old house and the many memories. I am so sorry she no longer remembers them. I admired your use of rhyme and personification and found your "humanity confined" and "living slave" phrases quite compelling. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thank you for sharing the photograph of your mother's old house and the many memories. I am so sorry she no longer remembers them. I admired your use of rhyme and personification and found your "humanity confined" and "living slave" phrases quite compelling. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thanks so much, Joan. It's funny when I saw her house two weeks ago, at first I felt blank - nothing - but underneath it there was so much emotion. It just takes time to come out - writing helps with that. I'm sure you know what I mean, and thanks for understanding :)
Carol
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The emotion was conveyed quite effectively. Take good care of yourself- Joan
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Ciliverde, the picture is not too bad, so don't worry about that, and the poem is very nicely written with a lot of feeling. I like the way you've formatted it, too. It is sad as people age, their world becomes smaller, and you capture some of that sadness in this verse. I wouldn't change a thing and have no suggestions for improvement. Thanks for sharing it and it is a poem I'd recommend to others for review, Ana.
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hello Ciliverde, the picture is not too bad, so don't worry about that, and the poem is very nicely written with a lot of feeling. I like the way you've formatted it, too. It is sad as people age, their world becomes smaller, and you capture some of that sadness in this verse. I wouldn't change a thing and have no suggestions for improvement. Thanks for sharing it and it is a poem I'd recommend to others for review, Ana.
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Pantygynt on this site invented the form, if you haven't read his work you should check it out. He's on a tanka kick right now and is doing at least one every day. Thank you so much for reading my poem, and your kind words - both are much appreciated!
Carol
Comment from sunnyday1
It is one of life's cruel jokes when dementia robs you of the memories of everything you had once loved .. Especially hard for family members to deal with ..beautifully expressed in the lines ' Now far away her loved ones weep ' It truly is a form of living death
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reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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It is one of life's cruel jokes when dementia robs you of the memories of everything you had once loved .. Especially hard for family members to deal with ..beautifully expressed in the lines ' Now far away her loved ones weep ' It truly is a form of living death
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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You're right, it is a cruel joke, the worst disease - robbed of memories and the ability to age gracefully. Family members robbed of a mother, sister, all forgotten along with the very close friends she has. Thanks for understanding...
Carol
Comment from Ben Colder
I love Montana. I do several poems about the beautiful scenery. No doubt you have mant thoughts about the place. I find no mistakes. Blessings to u .
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reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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I love Montana. I do several poems about the beautiful scenery. No doubt you have mant thoughts about the place. I find no mistakes. Blessings to u .
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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I do have so many thoughts about Montana, it is my home and my heart lives there still - while I'm in California (much to my father's dismay, lol.) Thanks, Ben, for your continued support of my work,
Carol