GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Meeting"A child is born who will be a champion
11 total reviews
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, you write well and your story has a lovely ending in this chapter. I like your characters and your descriptions. The only things I noticed are below:
Puff(ed) up and vain with only selfish intention.
A few of the women had hoped he would cast his eye toward them and lamented his (absence).
The only other thing I will bring to your attention is seven, I think it should be spelled out in prose, as it isn't a date or time. And just one space too many after this sentence: '...He had left too many of his precious things behind...'
Good strong fantasy fiction, a genre I really enjoy as it can do anything, as you show here in your narrative, and I will be interested to see where you go from here. Thanks, Roxanna, Ana.
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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Hello, you write well and your story has a lovely ending in this chapter. I like your characters and your descriptions. The only things I noticed are below:
Puff(ed) up and vain with only selfish intention.
A few of the women had hoped he would cast his eye toward them and lamented his (absence).
The only other thing I will bring to your attention is seven, I think it should be spelled out in prose, as it isn't a date or time. And just one space too many after this sentence: '...He had left too many of his precious things behind...'
Good strong fantasy fiction, a genre I really enjoy as it can do anything, as you show here in your narrative, and I will be interested to see where you go from here. Thanks, Roxanna, Ana.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for the help. I do always write out my numbers, I don't know why I did that. I read this thing 100x before posting, how could not see that?! Thank you for telling me.