Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "Chapter Siebzehn part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
24 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Barbara.
"Goody, I like surprises." Emily bounced." (She still reminds me of my daughter, Champers. She's a real scene stealer lol.)
""I think I'll go to my room. There's no reason for me to attend." (That's really sad. Her self-esteem is still very low.)
"After (a) brief intermission, the band began playing."
"He placed his hand at(on? I'm not sure.) her waist"
"After the song had played for a few moments, Shana rested her head against his chest." (Ahhhhh.)
"She paused. "I'm middle class and you're high class." (Jesus, I hate that. Delia said the exact same thing to me... "I'm so poor, why would you want me... Arrrggghhhh!)
Another great chapter, mate. I got all emotional and goose bumps covered me at the end. That's the goal, huh? You did very well.
Great job once again.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
  |
G'day Barbara.
"Goody, I like surprises." Emily bounced." (She still reminds me of my daughter, Champers. She's a real scene stealer lol.)
""I think I'll go to my room. There's no reason for me to attend." (That's really sad. Her self-esteem is still very low.)
"After (a) brief intermission, the band began playing."
"He placed his hand at(on? I'm not sure.) her waist"
"After the song had played for a few moments, Shana rested her head against his chest." (Ahhhhh.)
"She paused. "I'm middle class and you're high class." (Jesus, I hate that. Delia said the exact same thing to me... "I'm so poor, why would you want me... Arrrggghhhh!)
Another great chapter, mate. I got all emotional and goose bumps covered me at the end. That's the goal, huh? You did very well.
Great job once again.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Yes, that's the goal. Thank you. I'll make those corrections.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Ah, a well written and fun chapter full of URST that moves right along. Great job! Only a couple thoughts.
"You're better than beautiful." Emily tugged at her hand. "Let's go. We're missing the party."
***** (Do you want this scene break here? If it's just a break to move them from upstairs to downstairs, maybe having them go downstairs and to the patio door, as I wondered who the "they" were in the next line?)
As they readied to open the patio door, Anderson walked up, removed a small velvet box from his pocket, and offered it to Shana. - My mind wants to see - As they readied to open the patio door, Anderson walked up (and) removed a small velvet box from his pocket(.) (Holding it out to/Offering it to Shana, he said, ...
Also, since Emily commented on the box, I'm sure she'd have something to say about the earrings, LOL.
After brief intermission, the band began playing. - This makes it sound like some time is now passing. If that's not your intention, maybe just the band started a new tune?
Just before the song ended, Shana stepped way. "This isn't right?" - did you intend the question mark?
That's it. Good job!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
 |
Ah, a well written and fun chapter full of URST that moves right along. Great job! Only a couple thoughts.
"You're better than beautiful." Emily tugged at her hand. "Let's go. We're missing the party."
***** (Do you want this scene break here? If it's just a break to move them from upstairs to downstairs, maybe having them go downstairs and to the patio door, as I wondered who the "they" were in the next line?)
As they readied to open the patio door, Anderson walked up, removed a small velvet box from his pocket, and offered it to Shana. - My mind wants to see - As they readied to open the patio door, Anderson walked up (and) removed a small velvet box from his pocket(.) (Holding it out to/Offering it to Shana, he said, ...
Also, since Emily commented on the box, I'm sure she'd have something to say about the earrings, LOL.
After brief intermission, the band began playing. - This makes it sound like some time is now passing. If that's not your intention, maybe just the band started a new tune?
Just before the song ended, Shana stepped way. "This isn't right?" - did you intend the question mark?
That's it. Good job!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
I will check out those areas. Thank you.
-
You're welcome
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Helpful intro; fast forward crime detection; investigation ready.
Controversies would end.
I liked the spirit and activation, balanced plot development to the theme and curious ending.
Flash of characters and dialogues are realistic.
DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
Helpful intro; fast forward crime detection; investigation ready.
Controversies would end.
I liked the spirit and activation, balanced plot development to the theme and curious ending.
Flash of characters and dialogues are realistic.
DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
This is hard to accept in today's world. Belief systems are being set aside. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
This is hard to accept in today's world. Belief systems are being set aside. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
You 're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is another good chapter portion. The story remains interesting and I want to know what happens next. Will they let their differences stand between them?
Thank you for the Anne Murray song. I haven't heard any of her stuff for years.
Sharon
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
This is another good chapter portion. The story remains interesting and I want to know what happens next. Will they let their differences stand between them?
Thank you for the Anne Murray song. I haven't heard any of her stuff for years.
Sharon
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Barb
= Great chapter!
= Poor Anderson, he's got some fast talking to do.
= And, Shana, may be in for a few surprises, too.
= Love Anne Murray. She could sing the phone book and sound wonderful. Super choice.
Cheers, J
*** Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! ***
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
|
Hi, Barb
= Great chapter!
= Poor Anderson, he's got some fast talking to do.
= And, Shana, may be in for a few surprises, too.
= Love Anne Murray. She could sing the phone book and sound wonderful. Super choice.
Cheers, J
*** Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! ***
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ricky1024
5 five stars for this well written piece for good theme and imagery that flowed well read well had no grammar issues so to speak the scripted measures were whining in place ejective content Matt well and complement object of content thanks for this talk to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
|
5 five stars for this well written piece for good theme and imagery that flowed well read well had no grammar issues so to speak the scripted measures were whining in place ejective content Matt well and complement object of content thanks for this talk to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I really love this story, Barbara, it's romantic, mysterious, and a darn good read. I am not sure how Shana is going to overcome her feelings, as I do believe she does have them for Anderson, and she loves Emily. Anderson will have to come up with something or once the case has been solved she will go home! Well done, my friend. Sandra. xxx
There are too many people living in poverty now, it's dreadful! Here we are in the 21st century and we have youngsters sleeping in shop doorways. It's wrong! I imagine your young student is living in poverty too. It's not nice. Prayers on the way. xxxx
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
|
I really love this story, Barbara, it's romantic, mysterious, and a darn good read. I am not sure how Shana is going to overcome her feelings, as I do believe she does have them for Anderson, and she loves Emily. Anderson will have to come up with something or once the case has been solved she will go home! Well done, my friend. Sandra. xxx
There are too many people living in poverty now, it's dreadful! Here we are in the 21st century and we have youngsters sleeping in shop doorways. It's wrong! I imagine your young student is living in poverty too. It's not nice. Prayers on the way. xxxx
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
-
Thank you for the prayers and the encouraging review.
Comment from Sasha
I felt bad for Anderson, he clearly has taken a liking to Shana. I also understand Shana's hesitancy because of the differences between them. She is still very young and her upbringing is holding her back. I do hope Anderson is able to win her over, but I am sure it is not going to be an easy task for him. I like how this story is moving along. Very nice work with this one.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
|
I felt bad for Anderson, he clearly has taken a liking to Shana. I also understand Shana's hesitancy because of the differences between them. She is still very young and her upbringing is holding her back. I do hope Anderson is able to win her over, but I am sure it is not going to be an easy task for him. I like how this story is moving along. Very nice work with this one.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
Oh you know how to write about romance don't you.
I have a question for you was it Shana or was it Anderson who said
"You're Gentile and I'm Jewish. We can't work around that."
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
|
Hello Barb
Oh you know how to write about romance don't you.
I have a question for you was it Shana or was it Anderson who said
"You're Gentile and I'm Jewish. We can't work around that."
Gert
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
-
Shana said it. I need to make the more clear. Thank you for the kind review.
-
You are Welcome Barb
I hope things work out with you about a student.
Gert