Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Craig,
This is a great character development of the disheveled man. The title alone seems foreboding to me. After reading this intro, there is so much more to this man based on your words. I was thinking that the lines about the art would lead readers to believe he was really a millionaire unbeknownst to them. The newspaper clippings caught me by surprise. This will lead to numerous installments for the story.

In the last line of the first paragraph, I believe you left off the word 'bag' after shopping.

Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan

 Comment Written 21-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017

Hi Jan,

Thanks so much for the great and complimentary review. I was hoping there would be a lot of questions raised by this little intro, and you've successfully picked up on a couple of them. Leaving out the word "bag" wasn't really an accidental (or even conscious) omission. It's quite natural here to simply refer to "the shopping" as a noun - as in "would you please get the shopping from the car and bring it inside". I do appreciate you pointing it out, and if it sounds strange to too many ears, I'll probably change it. Thanks again, Craig.

reply by Jannypan (Jan) on 21-Nov-2017

haha Craig. One never knows these days what others round the world will find that is different to them in speech & particularly writing. I would say here in Texas 'I'm gonna get the stuff from the car. Jan

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Craig. This is excellent. You certainly have succeeded in building this character for your reader. I felt as if I was right along side of him as he progressed in his day. Well described and interesting throughout. Little by little you have constructed the beginning of an intriguing story. Marilyn

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 Comment Written 21-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017

Thanks very much for the lovely review, Marilyn - much appreciated. Craig

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

You did a magnificient job of character building and introduced your person of interest in such a way that we can feel we know his attitude

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 Comment Written 21-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017

Thanks for reviewing, and for the kind words. Much appreciated - Craig