Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Birthright"selections for seal submission
19 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Michael;
thank you for sharing this free verse and the notes. I struggle so much with free verse because too many folks feel it is simply a piece without rhythm and rhyme. Your definition is the first thing I've read that made any sense,
Lady Liberty would cry if she could,
~patty~
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Hi, Michael;
thank you for sharing this free verse and the notes. I struggle so much with free verse because too many folks feel it is simply a piece without rhythm and rhyme. Your definition is the first thing I've read that made any sense,
Lady Liberty would cry if she could,
~patty~
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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I'm glad you liked my definition. YES, rhythm and rhyme is a must. No reason free verse shouldn't be POETRY. Other wise it's just misguided prose. LOL
Thanks so much. mike
Comment from Pantygynt
This worked for me like a child's memories of being a refugee, returning in a series of flashbacks. We see the war torn country of origin with its "hail of bullets" and "cold dishes of recompense / are the fare at our table". As is often the case in these inernecine struggles there is a religious element to the conflict that has given rise to the fighting, "the centerpiece / Holy and righteous".
The decision to flee is taken in a beautifully expressed tercet, "to remain in bondage / or vanish as free souls / upon the winds of freedom"
This next couplet summons up visions with which we have all become too familiar in recent times, "the ocean is vast / our craft unworthy". All the privations of a dangerous sea crossing in unseaworthy vessels, supplied by unscrupulous people smugglers at an extortional price, are summed up in those two short lines.
The poem ends one suspects, like so many of these journeys, in disillusionment. This is very sound free verse. An excellent example by the free verse club host.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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This worked for me like a child's memories of being a refugee, returning in a series of flashbacks. We see the war torn country of origin with its "hail of bullets" and "cold dishes of recompense / are the fare at our table". As is often the case in these inernecine struggles there is a religious element to the conflict that has given rise to the fighting, "the centerpiece / Holy and righteous".
The decision to flee is taken in a beautifully expressed tercet, "to remain in bondage / or vanish as free souls / upon the winds of freedom"
This next couplet summons up visions with which we have all become too familiar in recent times, "the ocean is vast / our craft unworthy". All the privations of a dangerous sea crossing in unseaworthy vessels, supplied by unscrupulous people smugglers at an extortional price, are summed up in those two short lines.
The poem ends one suspects, like so many of these journeys, in disillusionment. This is very sound free verse. An excellent example by the free verse club host.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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I'm thrilled that you understood everything so perfectly. I always TRY and make sure I'm writing poetry and not just "words on a page", so I appreciate the phrases you've pointed out. All that you teach is a HUGE part of free verse just as it is a sonnet. Thanks a million, mike
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Glad to help
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Excellent work, mikey. You do free verse so very well, most free verse to me, seems to lack any poetic quality. Yours is always beautiful though. I love the message here as well. Outstanding, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Excellent work, mikey. You do free verse so very well, most free verse to me, seems to lack any poetic quality. Yours is always beautiful though. I love the message here as well. Outstanding, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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You are too kind. I do aim to keep POETRY in mind with these. It's OFTEN lacking and I think it ruins a lot of free verse by making it choppy and unreadable. Thanks so much. mike
Comment from rama devi
Powerful free verse commentary. It's atrocious how we are not helping enough refugees these days. My grandfather came to USA to escape pogroms in Russia when he was 14 years old, speaking not a word of English.
Your poem keeps the poetic feel, ripe with poetic devices and imagery.
Most potent lines:
father brews his anger
a livid liquid
my siblings consume
Excellent use of formatting to craft phrasing cadences.
Bravo, Mike.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Powerful free verse commentary. It's atrocious how we are not helping enough refugees these days. My grandfather came to USA to escape pogroms in Russia when he was 14 years old, speaking not a word of English.
Your poem keeps the poetic feel, ripe with poetic devices and imagery.
Most potent lines:
father brews his anger
a livid liquid
my siblings consume
Excellent use of formatting to craft phrasing cadences.
Bravo, Mike.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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So many if not all came here recently, one or two generations removed. Of course, except for Native Americans, ALL of us are the product of immigration. We agree fully on this matter. Those words on the statue are so inspiring. We should LIVE THEM.
Thanks so much. mike
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Totally agree!
Comment from nordicgirl
Oh me, I am so moved by this. I can't say I totally understand everything you're getting at, but it's obviously about current events. The Lady is for sure sad and the world is sadly in need of her as are we more than anyone. Knowing you, the solution is female, not male. I agree. NG
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Oh me, I am so moved by this. I can't say I totally understand everything you're getting at, but it's obviously about current events. The Lady is for sure sad and the world is sadly in need of her as are we more than anyone. Knowing you, the solution is female, not male. I agree. NG
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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She IS sad I believe. Yes, it's time to let the women give it a go. They can't do worse than we have. I suspect they will do infinitely better. Thanks so much. michael
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem. The statue of.liberty is the symbol of freedom for many. Although it brings freedom only for those who are willing to work hard and realize nothing in life I'd free...
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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A very well-written free verse poem. The statue of.liberty is the symbol of freedom for many. Although it brings freedom only for those who are willing to work hard and realize nothing in life I'd free...
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Excellent insights, Sandra. Thanks so much. mike
Comment from Gloria ....
This is an amazing idea to use the Point of View of the Statue of Liberty enlightening the world. She most certainly is feeling sorrow today.
I like how you've put her in a garden and from there freedom and a better life for many grew and yet ... she looks within for traces of its magnificence.
Yet anger brews in some metaphorical archetype of populism that is not in the foundation of democracy. It's a cold dish (faire/fare) that is at the heart of those with closed minds.
Most poetic to liken the mist to bullets one benign and one malignant and yet both shadowy and unknown. Because we can only know our own heart.
To compare the fragility of man's craft to the power of the ocean exemplifies the fragility of liberty.
With cold cruel hearts if there is no hope no matter which way you go there is death.
This is a beautifully patriotic poem. I hope I haven't misinterpreted, but if I have that's the beauty of poetry, right?
You have inspired me to write one as well.
Exceptional.
Ange
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2017
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This is an amazing idea to use the Point of View of the Statue of Liberty enlightening the world. She most certainly is feeling sorrow today.
I like how you've put her in a garden and from there freedom and a better life for many grew and yet ... she looks within for traces of its magnificence.
Yet anger brews in some metaphorical archetype of populism that is not in the foundation of democracy. It's a cold dish (faire/fare) that is at the heart of those with closed minds.
Most poetic to liken the mist to bullets one benign and one malignant and yet both shadowy and unknown. Because we can only know our own heart.
To compare the fragility of man's craft to the power of the ocean exemplifies the fragility of liberty.
With cold cruel hearts if there is no hope no matter which way you go there is death.
This is a beautifully patriotic poem. I hope I haven't misinterpreted, but if I have that's the beauty of poetry, right?
You have inspired me to write one as well.
Exceptional.
Ange
Comment Written 20-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2017
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Wow. I never hope to be understood beyond a very surface level if even that. Yes, the first picture in my mind was a young woman looking at a hole in the ground that used to be a garden where her mom had been before a bomb blew her away. Then the Statue of Liberty came to mind and to life and the rest stemmed from there. Some of your interpretation is more than occurred to me as I wrote which IS wonderful. Other points I had in mind, maybe only I see, but no matter. You certainly have the essence of it and it's been so long I can't remember the last time that happened. I'll change "faire", I don't know where I got that, but I always use it for some reason. Brain cramp. You can't imagine how much I appreciate your attentive read and interpretation. Thanks so much, Ange.
Mav
Comment from country ranch writer
In the harbor Lady Liberty stands her face shows sadness for those who came to our country for freedom. Their children and children's children have gone to the way side causing a rift in the world that tried to protect them.
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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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In the harbor Lady Liberty stands her face shows sadness for those who came to our country for freedom. Their children and children's children have gone to the way side causing a rift in the world that tried to protect them.
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Comment Written 19-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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You are on the money, as always. Thanks so much. mike
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Smiles,
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written poem about looking through the eyes of an immigrant. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery from the art work and your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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This is a very well written poem about looking through the eyes of an immigrant. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery from the art work and your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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Comment Written 19-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Thanks so much, Teri. It's a serious issue for sure. mike