Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Chapter Funfzehn part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
22 total reviews
Comment from apky
"What about Ms. Shana? She needs to go (to-unless this is how Emily speaks) the park too."
The following three lines - and what follows to the end of the post - sound too "staged"; as if the characters had a prompter telling them to step in or say their lines:
Anderson knelt to Emily's level. "Ms. Shana isn't able to come with us."
Shana walked into the room.
Emily ran to her and took her hand. "Don't you want to go to the park with me?" She pouted.
As always, this is my subjective take on the post.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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"What about Ms. Shana? She needs to go (to-unless this is how Emily speaks) the park too."
The following three lines - and what follows to the end of the post - sound too "staged"; as if the characters had a prompter telling them to step in or say their lines:
Anderson knelt to Emily's level. "Ms. Shana isn't able to come with us."
Shana walked into the room.
Emily ran to her and took her hand. "Don't you want to go to the park with me?" She pouted.
As always, this is my subjective take on the post.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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I have made the correction and will check out the rest. Thank you for the help.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Having money doesn't always make things easier. Sometimes it makes things harder. Emily seems sweet and unaffected by it all, thankfully.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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Having money doesn't always make things easier. Sometimes it makes things harder. Emily seems sweet and unaffected by it all, thankfully.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Another strong continuation. The dialogue pushes the story forward. The fuss over Emily was well played as was the conflict (over money) between Anderson and his ex wife, Patricia. Enjoyed.
Spag:"Patricia, you're in the Fiji Island(s).
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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Good morning, Barbara
Another strong continuation. The dialogue pushes the story forward. The fuss over Emily was well played as was the conflict (over money) between Anderson and his ex wife, Patricia. Enjoyed.
Spag:"Patricia, you're in the Fiji Island(s).
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 16-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2017
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I have made the corrections. Thank you.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Barbara.
"You're telling me you can't live within a budget of thirty two thousand dollars a month, but can afford a vacation to Fiji?" (Crikey! I wish.)
"I won't have my child raised by babysitters or day care, like common people." (Ouch!)
What a stuck up woman she is. I got all fired up reading her voice and you portrayed it beautifully.
Another very well written chapter, mate. I rarely find any errors in your work.
Great stuff.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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G'day Barbara.
"You're telling me you can't live within a budget of thirty two thousand dollars a month, but can afford a vacation to Fiji?" (Crikey! I wish.)
"I won't have my child raised by babysitters or day care, like common people." (Ouch!)
What a stuck up woman she is. I got all fired up reading her voice and you portrayed it beautifully.
Another very well written chapter, mate. I rarely find any errors in your work.
Great stuff.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 16-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sasha
I am impressed with how Anderson handled Patricia. I actually know a few people that get that much money from their ex-husbands and they also complain about not being able to make ends meet. I don't think I've ever made that much in a year let alone in a month. I love his comment, maybe she should look for a job in Fiji. Very nice work with this one. I got a real kick out of it.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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I am impressed with how Anderson handled Patricia. I actually know a few people that get that much money from their ex-husbands and they also complain about not being able to make ends meet. I don't think I've ever made that much in a year let alone in a month. I love his comment, maybe she should look for a job in Fiji. Very nice work with this one. I got a real kick out of it.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Barb
= Jeesh. I'd like to have that kind of money coming my way each month---and not lift a finger to earn it.
= It never fails. The privileged always want more, more, and then a lot more.
= Great chapter. I like the way he just hung up on her.
= Oh, gee, I hope she had enough money for a mani-pedi! LOL
Cheers (*<*)
Have a great day/evening!
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Hi, Barb
= Jeesh. I'd like to have that kind of money coming my way each month---and not lift a finger to earn it.
= It never fails. The privileged always want more, more, and then a lot more.
= Great chapter. I like the way he just hung up on her.
= Oh, gee, I hope she had enough money for a mani-pedi! LOL
Cheers (*<*)
Have a great day/evening!
Comment Written 15-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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LOL I bet she doesn't . LOL Earlier I mentioned she may have drug issue. You may not have been reading then. Thank you for the kind review.
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I believe I missed that. LOL! This was a hoot though. Good write. (*<*)
Comment from Sankey
Another great chapter. Once again never a disappointment in the dialogue. No spags and looking forward to the next chapter. I felt like Andrew was pretty good restraining himself knowing what we all do about his ex.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Another great chapter. Once again never a disappointment in the dialogue. No spags and looking forward to the next chapter. I felt like Andrew was pretty good restraining himself knowing what we all do about his ex.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
Oh, my goodness you certainly know how to write about tension . I hope that Emily doesn't know about the conflict between her mother
( Patricia and her dad (Anderson)
Gert
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Hello Barb
Oh, my goodness you certainly know how to write about tension . I hope that Emily doesn't know about the conflict between her mother
( Patricia and her dad (Anderson)
Gert
Comment Written 15-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, I know what I could do with that sort of money a month! I'd be in heaven! LOL. Looks like things should work out well for Anderson, he's bound to get full custody in the end, if not there is something very wrong somewhere. Another great episode, Barbara, I'm looking forward to the real show-down with Patricia. Should be fun! xx Sandra
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Oh, I know what I could do with that sort of money a month! I'd be in heaven! LOL. Looks like things should work out well for Anderson, he's bound to get full custody in the end, if not there is something very wrong somewhere. Another great episode, Barbara, I'm looking forward to the real show-down with Patricia. Should be fun! xx Sandra
Comment Written 15-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I've got a few ideas for this show down. One of them is over the top. LOL Not sure how I'll play it.
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OTT Sounds wonderful, Barbara, and I know you'll do it brilliantly. You don't rush with your story it flows so naturally as if I was really turning the pages. I love reading your stories, my friend. xxx
Comment from Sis Cat
Great tension and conflict between Patricia and Anderson over money. They lobbed some zingers at one another:
"All I wanted was for you to act like an adult and mother."
And
"I guess you'll need to find a job in Fiji. I need to go. Good-bye."
This ongoing feud invihorated your chapter. It will be amazing how you pull all of these story lines together--the painting and the romance between Anderson and Shana. For now, Patricia makes a perfect nemesis to everyone. The only thing worse is if she was linked to the Russian mafia.
I found one omission:
"You're telling me (you) can't live within a budget of thirty two thousand dollars a month, but can afford a vacation to Fiji?"
I enjoyed your characters, dialogue, and plotting. Thank you for sharing another thrilling chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Great tension and conflict between Patricia and Anderson over money. They lobbed some zingers at one another:
"All I wanted was for you to act like an adult and mother."
And
"I guess you'll need to find a job in Fiji. I need to go. Good-bye."
This ongoing feud invihorated your chapter. It will be amazing how you pull all of these story lines together--the painting and the romance between Anderson and Shana. For now, Patricia makes a perfect nemesis to everyone. The only thing worse is if she was linked to the Russian mafia.
I found one omission:
"You're telling me (you) can't live within a budget of thirty two thousand dollars a month, but can afford a vacation to Fiji?"
I enjoyed your characters, dialogue, and plotting. Thank you for sharing another thrilling chapter.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2017
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Thank you for the catch. I thought I fixed that. Maybe I forgot to save. Thank you, again.