Comment from Mabaker

Excellent

I wonder if gave it the bloke some satisfaction for the way he was treated. I had something similar happen to me as a kid. Mine was a drunken mother. She treated me like shit to the extent I was put in an Orphanage for my own safety, so they said. Years later she had a stroke on her right side, watching her try to cut meat on her plate was satisfactory for all of five minutes. I couldn't lower myself to her level. I cut up her meat for her. Regards Mabaker

 Comment Written 07-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 07-Oct-2017

Glad to hear you managed to rise above your situation, in pretty much the same way I was trying to indicate in the story. Cheers, Craig

Comment from strandregs

Exceptional

enjoyed your story very much
.
not cutting his neck was a nice twist.
and the thing with his wife was a good one.
as to whether it's flash mash or ketchup
i have no idea.:-))Z.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

And therein lies the beauty of it ;-)

Thanks so much for the exceptional rating, and the terrific comments. Very grateful for both!

Craig

Comment from dracofelsinensis

Excellent

I wonder if the teacher picked up on the irony of "... you're not going to die- not yet, anyway ..." It might suggest that Carl is going to finish him off, but only after saying a word or two. It could also echo a teacher who, with pedantic logic, argues that a child should have written "you're not going to die yet" since everyone dies in the end, even if they live to 125 having survived near-death in their fifties or whenever.

A nice read; there are one or two teachers I had who I'd like to lecture in this way.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Thanks so much for the thoughtful review, and the kind comments. Much appreciated - Craig

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Ah yes, revenge is sweet. I remember my teachers telling my parents to take me out of school as I was incapable of passing exams - I wasn't stupid, just lazy. lol

"You... were... a stupid, loud-mouthed - " the words were barely inaudible - I think this should be barely audible here. it's a little clumsy the current way round.

Should be a real eye-opener for her. - need closing speech marks here.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Thanks for catching those mistakes, GMG - much appreciated. Craig

Comment from RodG

Excellent

This is a very well-written flash fiction thriller that is taut with suspense throughout. You set the scene quickly and make it clear that this is a man vs. man conflict. We are as wary of Carl's intentions as the injured Ennis is. We are pleased Carl gets his revenge without violence. Realistic dialog keeps tension going.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Thanks so much for the kind comments, Rod. I'm glad you were able to pick up on the themes I was trying to convey. Much appreciated - Craig.

Comment from rosehill (Wendy)

Excellent

I really enjoyed your little vengeful flash fiction. It reads smoothly and doesn't patronize the reader while stuffing everything into one tiny can. Only one suggestion and one nit.

"What was Susie thinking when she booked the hall for our reunion all the way out here?"

As written, I kept expecting Susie to pop up later as part of some nefarious plot - that never developed. I think you can show Carl's particularly snarky sort of disdain, along with setting up the reunion theme, if you try something like:

Just like Suzie to book the reunion in the middle of godforsaken nowhere.

The nit. You need closing quotes on this:

You really should check your brakes more often, old buddy.

Thanks for starting my morning with a bit of revenge, and good writing to go with the first cup of coffee. Looks like I might even be able to do some serious reviewing tomorrow as I have holdover guests in all the rooms. Hooray. - Wendy

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Thanks for the excellent review, Wendy. The catch of the missing quotes was most helpful, and I've corrected it. As for the suggestion, that's good too. I just need to get it so it's the same number of words, as we were given a super generous leeway of two words either side of 750. It's a bit late here now to tackle that, and my brain is fried by the last minute rush to submit something. I'll have another look tomorrow. Again, much appreciated. Craig

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written sudden flash fiction. It is a matter of revenge to an old teacher who seems to be a horrible one who pick on small children to make him feel wise and in control.

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 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, Sandra. Much appreciated - Craig

Comment from Lucian Carter

Excellent

This is certainly a sudden piece. Starts in the middle, and gives backstory without seeming to just dump it on the reader. Left me in suspense until the very end. Nice work; good luck in the contest.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Thanks for the kind words and good wishes, Lucian. Much appreciated - Craig