The Eidolon
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Chapter 2 - Part 4: Visitation"Family heinously murdered. The question is by who?
13 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Brett
[In the visitors lounge on the third floor of the hospital, a row of vending machines offered a variety of snacks and sodas. A bulletin board was located in the over-sized room. This board contained extensive notes about every incident that had occurred in and around the facility. Guests were provided plenty of seating in the way of folded chairs stuffed around black six legged tables with checkerboard Formica tops.]
The above is the rewritten first paragraph. I think it's a little strange to meet Drew but not in an official capacity. I didn't quite get the why of that. I suppose it's coming though. So far it's a good story. Looking forward to the next chapter.
cheers deborah
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Hi Brett
[In the visitors lounge on the third floor of the hospital, a row of vending machines offered a variety of snacks and sodas. A bulletin board was located in the over-sized room. This board contained extensive notes about every incident that had occurred in and around the facility. Guests were provided plenty of seating in the way of folded chairs stuffed around black six legged tables with checkerboard Formica tops.]
The above is the rewritten first paragraph. I think it's a little strange to meet Drew but not in an official capacity. I didn't quite get the why of that. I suppose it's coming though. So far it's a good story. Looking forward to the next chapter.
cheers deborah
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate the suggestion.
Also appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Possummagic
I'm still enjoying this story from beginning to end. It always leaves me wanting more. I can't find any typos or problems with the flow of the story. I'm just as anxious to know if he's insane as Darden is. Some people aren't insane they are just born bad! PM
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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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I'm still enjoying this story from beginning to end. It always leaves me wanting more. I can't find any typos or problems with the flow of the story. I'm just as anxious to know if he's insane as Darden is. Some people aren't insane they are just born bad! PM
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you reading it and writing a review.
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You're welcome. PM
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter. To my limited knowledge and experience I cannot find anything wrong with your first paragraph. I could picture the description clearly in my head.
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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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A very well-written chapter. To my limited knowledge and experience I cannot find anything wrong with your first paragraph. I could picture the description clearly in my head.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.