Selections For Book Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "What Crosses My Mind"possible selections for inclusion in book project
53 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Love the twist in the closing line and the beautifully expressive flow of feeling in your words. Fine imagery and eloquent phrasing. I like your use of spacing and indents to sculpt phrasing instead of using punctuation.
Especially loved this:
unspoken fingers clasping
as I grasp stars in the night
to fill your sky
hoping it is I
you wish upon
and
I imagine holding you
until time and space
vanish between us
one optional suggestion:
slowly muscles tense
in smooth descent
reading aloud, this sounds swiftly paced. To match the subject, perhaps use a line break after slowly?
slowly
muscles tense
Beautiful presentation.
What a magical lover you are, Mikey!
Wish I had a six, but they are all gone, alas.
Warmly, rd
in smooth descent
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Love the twist in the closing line and the beautifully expressive flow of feeling in your words. Fine imagery and eloquent phrasing. I like your use of spacing and indents to sculpt phrasing instead of using punctuation.
Especially loved this:
unspoken fingers clasping
as I grasp stars in the night
to fill your sky
hoping it is I
you wish upon
and
I imagine holding you
until time and space
vanish between us
one optional suggestion:
slowly muscles tense
in smooth descent
reading aloud, this sounds swiftly paced. To match the subject, perhaps use a line break after slowly?
slowly
muscles tense
Beautiful presentation.
What a magical lover you are, Mikey!
Wish I had a six, but they are all gone, alas.
Warmly, rd
in smooth descent
Comment Written 12-Aug-2017
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A lovely floating free verse Michael, to me, about a love that he dreams about, that he wishes for, and hopes in time they will me, only then will he find out what's on her mind. Your verses freely voyage from one to the other keeping the reader entrance, well done.
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A lovely floating free verse Michael, to me, about a love that he dreams about, that he wishes for, and hopes in time they will me, only then will he find out what's on her mind. Your verses freely voyage from one to the other keeping the reader entrance, well done.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2017
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, What Crosses My Mind, seems to take an omni-directional approach to meeting and greeting yourself and everyone else. It finally narrows to possibly one other and brings the reader into the understanding, perhaps, that this is a stream of consciousness that ends with a statement there of.
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This poem, What Crosses My Mind, seems to take an omni-directional approach to meeting and greeting yourself and everyone else. It finally narrows to possibly one other and brings the reader into the understanding, perhaps, that this is a stream of consciousness that ends with a statement there of.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
Comment from Irish Rain
Ah!!! Wonderful!! I so wish I had a six, this is so worthy. I have felt like this, and the wondering is part of the attraction, the beauty...this took me on a journey through the August's starry night, blessings...
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Ah!!! Wonderful!! I so wish I had a six, this is so worthy. I have felt like this, and the wondering is part of the attraction, the beauty...this took me on a journey through the August's starry night, blessings...
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
Comment from jusylee72
What lovely visions you evoke in this poem. So much love of the unknown somehow attracted to this person you may have seen but never met. Life is indeed a matter of moments. Special words I liked are these = the part about the dancer
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What lovely visions you evoke in this poem. So much love of the unknown somehow attracted to this person you may have seen but never met. Life is indeed a matter of moments. Special words I liked are these = the part about the dancer
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
Comment from TAB_that's me
I love this! I almost didn't take time to read and review as the purple on black is hard on my tired old eyes.
This has all the makings of fine free verse poetry - alliteration,great emjambment, smooth flow.
I love the ending:
no, we have not met
I haven't a clue
what crosses your mind
this is what crosses mine
teresa
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I love this! I almost didn't take time to read and review as the purple on black is hard on my tired old eyes.
This has all the makings of fine free verse poetry - alliteration,great emjambment, smooth flow.
I love the ending:
no, we have not met
I haven't a clue
what crosses your mind
this is what crosses mine
teresa
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
Comment from BOO ghost
Home for five minutes. Quickie review. Back to hospital. your words
a laureate's revelation
thrill like rapids coursing
through my mind
your heart revealed
in casual observation
smiles understood
tears shared in secret
unspoken fingers clasping
as I grasp stars in the night
to fill your sky
hoping it is I
you wish upon
|
Home for five minutes. Quickie review. Back to hospital. your words
a laureate's revelation
thrill like rapids coursing
through my mind
your heart revealed
in casual observation
smiles understood
tears shared in secret
unspoken fingers clasping
as I grasp stars in the night
to fill your sky
hoping it is I
you wish upon
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"What Crosses My Mind", is an exceptionally well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post.
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"What Crosses My Mind", is an exceptionally well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
Comment from closetpoetjester
A stunning poem! You've left no romantic stone unturned here with all that is crossing your mind and I'd say most of the ladies will be having a field day with this.
Sometimes a fantasy is the only way to do it!
Sixer for you and well done.
Cheers P
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A stunning poem! You've left no romantic stone unturned here with all that is crossing your mind and I'd say most of the ladies will be having a field day with this.
Sometimes a fantasy is the only way to do it!
Sixer for you and well done.
Cheers P
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
Comment from Nika2016
He lingers, lost in reverie
He hopes the poem
She will see
Seducing in soliloquy
Imagines her in lingerie
His poem
Enchante....,,,
This one was bold! I had to read it twice..:)
Only, She
has the answer...We, are but voyeurs of your fantasies..
|
He lingers, lost in reverie
He hopes the poem
She will see
Seducing in soliloquy
Imagines her in lingerie
His poem
Enchante....,,,
This one was bold! I had to read it twice..:)
Only, She
has the answer...We, are but voyeurs of your fantasies..
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017