Scripts
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Of Ancient Myths"Scripts
14 total reviews
Comment from Thal1959
This is a very interesting and creative way to circuitously speak about illegal immigration - ending with global warming! (The tide will be rising. We wouldn't want to drown.")
But it doesn't matter for you and me, Michael. I firmly believe that in 20 years, 30 at the most, the third world war will occur between Islam an the rest of the world. I have seen several estimates that in 20-30 years, every nation on earth will have a majority Muslim population. I am glad I would be around when all hell breaks loose.
  |
This is a very interesting and creative way to circuitously speak about illegal immigration - ending with global warming! (The tide will be rising. We wouldn't want to drown.")
But it doesn't matter for you and me, Michael. I firmly believe that in 20 years, 30 at the most, the third world war will occur between Islam an the rest of the world. I have seen several estimates that in 20-30 years, every nation on earth will have a majority Muslim population. I am glad I would be around when all hell breaks loose.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow this one pulled at my heart strings. I thought from the first find that this would be involving the statue of liberty and you addressed the telling in a way only you could. Excellently
|
Wow this one pulled at my heart strings. I thought from the first find that this would be involving the statue of liberty and you addressed the telling in a way only you could. Excellently
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Michael,
I think you are still a little verbose in your introduction. Generally scripts are much drier and prescriptive. It's a difficulty a lot of poets and prose writers struggle with (me too). This almost feels like a voiceover rather than direction/scene setting.
The first paragraph would normally consist of something like this - Undesignated time on a virtually deserted, rocky beach. Low hills are seen in the distance. Grey pervades the scene. (boring isn't it!)
[I've been attending a writers' group in Belfast with some script writers from the UTV & the BBC for a project I'm working on. Stripping back the prose is hard, and sometimes soul-crunchingly gutting]
The dialogue is weighty and comes across very well.
kind of bench though it just serves that purpose. It's more a convenient piece of wood or siding, - this comes across more as commentary than direction. [taking the beauty of the language away yet again - the little girl sits on a makeshift bench of bricks and a piece of wood]
I see you've changed the format to not include the characters names for each piece of dialogue - conscious choice to avoid the repetitiveness?
The setting and content are superb. The myth espoused by the old man is very well told and a very clever way of hitting home with its simplicity.
very nice
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
|
Hi Michael,
I think you are still a little verbose in your introduction. Generally scripts are much drier and prescriptive. It's a difficulty a lot of poets and prose writers struggle with (me too). This almost feels like a voiceover rather than direction/scene setting.
The first paragraph would normally consist of something like this - Undesignated time on a virtually deserted, rocky beach. Low hills are seen in the distance. Grey pervades the scene. (boring isn't it!)
[I've been attending a writers' group in Belfast with some script writers from the UTV & the BBC for a project I'm working on. Stripping back the prose is hard, and sometimes soul-crunchingly gutting]
The dialogue is weighty and comes across very well.
kind of bench though it just serves that purpose. It's more a convenient piece of wood or siding, - this comes across more as commentary than direction. [taking the beauty of the language away yet again - the little girl sits on a makeshift bench of bricks and a piece of wood]
I see you've changed the format to not include the characters names for each piece of dialogue - conscious choice to avoid the repetitiveness?
The setting and content are superb. The myth espoused by the old man is very well told and a very clever way of hitting home with its simplicity.
very nice
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
-
Thanks a million, Gman. Exactly what I want and need to know. YES, I am terribly tied to prose and poetry and I can FEEL it as I try and write scripts. That IS how I want the set direction to sound. Also, good advice on the bench scene too which felt odd when I wrote it. I am pleased you liked the idea and the over all flow etc. Very encouraging. I do read and relish all reviews by the way, I'm just busy and lame about responding. LOL mike
Comment from Sankey
Well done old mate. Don't see you around much these days. can see your rating has gone down from the old times too. Same here I nearly left FS but glad I didn't as I have made some wonderful new friends. Check out some poems and stuff that you saw many moons ago. One spag shock horror.....hawking [wears](wares) I guess if they were clothes that would be closer to the correct spelling hehe..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Well done old mate. Don't see you around much these days. can see your rating has gone down from the old times too. Same here I nearly left FS but glad I didn't as I have made some wonderful new friends. Check out some poems and stuff that you saw many moons ago. One spag shock horror.....hawking [wears](wares) I guess if they were clothes that would be closer to the correct spelling hehe..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017