2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Haiku (weeds sway)"A collection of Japanese poetry
19 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
What is wrong with a plain haiku? I can picture a train track and the weeds, i picture cat tails , swaying as if saying good bye to a time gone as well as to the last train that used the tracks.
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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What is wrong with a plain haiku? I can picture a train track and the weeds, i picture cat tails , swaying as if saying good bye to a time gone as well as to the last train that used the tracks.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with plain haiku, it's a matter of taste. I love creating presentations. It's my thing. But it was fine to do it plain for a while. I should get my new computer soon.
Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Gypsy
Comment from Sis Cat
A plain haiku works brilliantly w/o pictures, animation, music, or sound effects (blowing wind in weeds). The absence of these extras further enhances you poem, allowing me to see, feel, and hear it without the distractions. This shows how powerful and capable your haiku is standing alone.
I wrapped up my big performance in SF last night before fifty. I got paid cash and received swags of wine and chocolates. Now that performance is out of the way, I am back to reviewing on FS and writing my next poems. I am quite pleased that your poem is the first I reviewed after my ten day hiatus. Thank you for your encouragement.
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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A plain haiku works brilliantly w/o pictures, animation, music, or sound effects (blowing wind in weeds). The absence of these extras further enhances you poem, allowing me to see, feel, and hear it without the distractions. This shows how powerful and capable your haiku is standing alone.
I wrapped up my big performance in SF last night before fifty. I got paid cash and received swags of wine and chocolates. Now that performance is out of the way, I am back to reviewing on FS and writing my next poems. I am quite pleased that your poem is the first I reviewed after my ten day hiatus. Thank you for your encouragement.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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Congratulations, honey. Welcome back!
Thank you very much for the review and kind words sweetie pie. Super thank you for the six stars.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Hitcher
This one is a bit of a thought provoker, who is saying good bye? You as you leave the scene or the weeds as they get ready to board a old rickety train when it finally gets there because they have been there waiting their entire lives and the are all full grown now : ) Very nice Gypsy, it send my mind of in all sorts of directions.
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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This one is a bit of a thought provoker, who is saying good bye? You as you leave the scene or the weeds as they get ready to board a old rickety train when it finally gets there because they have been there waiting their entire lives and the are all full grown now : ) Very nice Gypsy, it send my mind of in all sorts of directions.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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Hahaha.... that is the beauty of haiku.
I live in a big city and I use public transportation. I was waiting for my train in the old Sacramento station. There were weeds across the tracks. The wind was making the weeds sway and thus my haiku was born. It's an observation. My imagination helped a bit. I imagined the weeds waving goodbye to me.
Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Gypsy
Comment from Natalie Walker
This is a nice poem, but I think the syllable count is a little off for a haiku. The second line is only 6 syllables and the third line is 3 syllables.
With a couple more syllables, this could be a great poem!
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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This is a nice poem, but I think the syllable count is a little off for a haiku. The second line is only 6 syllables and the third line is 3 syllables.
With a couple more syllables, this could be a great poem!
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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I teach haiku in fanstory and I know the haiku form well. Haiku do not have to be 5/7/5 because Japanese and English are different languages. Japanese poets use "on" they are much shorter sound units.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku.
Some translators of Japanese poetry have noted that about 12 syllables in English approximate the duration of 17 Japanese on. Also in translations four lines is more appropriate for the colloquialism of the language and is closest to natural conversational rhythm, necessary to carry the weight of the hokku
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Oh, my mistake! Thanks for letting me know, I'll change my rating. I guess I've got a lot to learn about haikus!
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No worries. Thank you for changing the review score
Comment from Ric Myworld
You know what? Although, I definitely, always enjoy the enhancements and outstanding presentations, there is also something special every now and then about accepting the words at face value. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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You know what? Although, I definitely, always enjoy the enhancements and outstanding presentations, there is also something special every now and then about accepting the words at face value. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Gypsy
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This great imagery. Traveling weeds lined up to board the train. you are truly a Haiku master. the rest of us are students at your feet.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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This great imagery. Traveling weeds lined up to board the train. you are truly a Haiku master. the rest of us are students at your feet.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thank you for the review and kind words.
Gypsy
Comment from Lindagail Hall
Very wise I have to say, this did give me a chuckle, you describe to me an old place where everything moves at a slower pace. I like the image you let the reader to decide on a journey . So much given with few lines very clever write.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Very wise I have to say, this did give me a chuckle, you describe to me an old place where everything moves at a slower pace. I like the image you let the reader to decide on a journey . So much given with few lines very clever write.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thank you for the review and kind words.
Gypsy
Comment from TAB_that's me
Ah - ah ha - very nice satori and overall picture. Great imagery in your grammatically correct -interconnected lines. Excellent haiku Gypsy.
teresa
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reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Ah - ah ha - very nice satori and overall picture. Great imagery in your grammatically correct -interconnected lines. Excellent haiku Gypsy.
teresa
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Gypsy
Comment from DR DIP
Hmm this one is the thinking poet's Haiku
weeds sway in the wind
across the old train tracks--
bon voyage
A track hardly used but now you have decided to leave me and I say goodbye. We have been together a long while as shown in the path hardly use of late.
So goodbye and I hope you find what you are looking for.
My interpretation.
dip
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Hmm this one is the thinking poet's Haiku
weeds sway in the wind
across the old train tracks--
bon voyage
A track hardly used but now you have decided to leave me and I say goodbye. We have been together a long while as shown in the path hardly use of late.
So goodbye and I hope you find what you are looking for.
My interpretation.
dip
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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I'm not going anyway.... hahaha
Thank you for the review and kind words.
Gypsy