Grammy's Memoirs 2018
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Accidental baby"Bits and pieces of my life for my grandchildren
46 total reviews
Comment from Janilou
I can only imagine how difficult writing this chapter must have been. How very sad to have to endure such abuse, and how tragic for your brother and sister also. I thought you wrote this very well, and I did not find anything to correct. I believe it was probably a saving grace that you developed a love of books and reading. I'm certain it helped you escape mentally more than once.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2017
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I can only imagine how difficult writing this chapter must have been. How very sad to have to endure such abuse, and how tragic for your brother and sister also. I thought you wrote this very well, and I did not find anything to correct. I believe it was probably a saving grace that you developed a love of books and reading. I'm certain it helped you escape mentally more than once.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2017
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Hi; my childhood was nightmarish, and looking back on it - I'm not really sure how I got through. I do know that I've had a strong relationship with Jesus since I was about three. He was with me.
Thank you for reading and your thoughtful review,
~patty~
Comment from emptypage
Books were my first friends, too, and still are second, after my dogs. What a wonderful distraction.
I like this story, though I'd suggest fleshing it out a bit and focusing more on dialogue, thereby allowing the characters show what happened through their dialogue rather than you, the narrator, just telling. Readers will engage more if you show more than tell.
A couple of things:
"I could always smell the smoke on her, and I hated it when she picked me up." ---this is a bit confusing. May I suggest saying, "I hated the SMELL of it when she picked me up"??
I'm surprised you weren't killed after reading about that traffic incident with your irresponsible siblings. You might consider sharing more of these stories to make the possibility of your death seem more like the regular thing I believe it probably was.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Books were my first friends, too, and still are second, after my dogs. What a wonderful distraction.
I like this story, though I'd suggest fleshing it out a bit and focusing more on dialogue, thereby allowing the characters show what happened through their dialogue rather than you, the narrator, just telling. Readers will engage more if you show more than tell.
A couple of things:
"I could always smell the smoke on her, and I hated it when she picked me up." ---this is a bit confusing. May I suggest saying, "I hated the SMELL of it when she picked me up"??
I'm surprised you weren't killed after reading about that traffic incident with your irresponsible siblings. You might consider sharing more of these stories to make the possibility of your death seem more like the regular thing I believe it probably was.
Good luck.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Hi Marla; thank you for reading and for your suggestions. The next chapters will include more dialogue. I simply wanted to get this one out, on paper, and done. You know?
~patty~
Comment from Stinkyfingers
Your grandchildren are going to treasure what you are doing and your writing is beautiful, and natural, and a pleasure to read... there is so little tradition and history passed down these days.... something special here...
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Your grandchildren are going to treasure what you are doing and your writing is beautiful, and natural, and a pleasure to read... there is so little tradition and history passed down these days.... something special here...
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Thank you so much for dropping by to read this chapter of my story. I appreciate your kind words,
~patty~
Comment from light
These are distressing childhood memories. Life situations often contribute to a a feeling of guilt and responsibility for things we had no control over. I once thought I was responsible for the Vietnam war. ( just kidding). It's obvious by your grreat writing ability that you were a bright child.
Elaine
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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These are distressing childhood memories. Life situations often contribute to a a feeling of guilt and responsibility for things we had no control over. I once thought I was responsible for the Vietnam war. ( just kidding). It's obvious by your grreat writing ability that you were a bright child.
Elaine
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Hi Elaine; thank you for your sweet words. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review, and I'm humbled by your compliment,
~patty~
Comment from doggymad
When I read stories of courage like yours it makes me angry when people use a bad start in life as an excuse for crimes.
You are truly brave to have survived and even more so for sharing this.
It is obvious that your love of words has remained with you for life
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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When I read stories of courage like yours it makes me angry when people use a bad start in life as an excuse for crimes.
You are truly brave to have survived and even more so for sharing this.
It is obvious that your love of words has remained with you for life
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Hi Freda; thank you so much for your kind words. I, too, am amazed when people blame all of their problems on their childhoods. I've never been to jail and I don't drink. I managed to have a productive life - in spite of it all,
~patty~
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Stories of a cute and cuddly baby are only told by the neighbors. All I ever heard from my own family was that I was a holy terror. They had spoiled me when I was tiny, so my demands for that same attention began to get on their nerves when I was about six months old. As I grew into a toddler, I developed the bad habit of holding my breath until someone paid attention to me. Looking back, I think it was a cry for help.'
I could relate to this so much! Patty you are awesome and an amazing honest writer. I always gin a lot from your work and gritty honesty. I think you are great. Kindest regards Meia.x
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Stories of a cute and cuddly baby are only told by the neighbors. All I ever heard from my own family was that I was a holy terror. They had spoiled me when I was tiny, so my demands for that same attention began to get on their nerves when I was about six months old. As I grew into a toddler, I developed the bad habit of holding my breath until someone paid attention to me. Looking back, I think it was a cry for help.'
I could relate to this so much! Patty you are awesome and an amazing honest writer. I always gin a lot from your work and gritty honesty. I think you are great. Kindest regards Meia.x
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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I so appreciate your kind reviews of my work. You always make me feel good about myself and my writing. Thank you,
~patty~
Comment from kriver
Hi Patty,
This is interesting and Imagine difficult thing to share
in this open forum.
There seem to be lots of people on this site
that have gone through similar things.
I am glad that you're doing okay now.
That stuff is all over, it's in the past,
and can be put to rest.
So you can move on with the rest of your life.
Don't let those things hold you back anymore.
Let it all go so you can finally be free of it.
I am glad that writing it out helps you heal and
are able to use the site to do that because it is a safe place.
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Hi Patty,
This is interesting and Imagine difficult thing to share
in this open forum.
There seem to be lots of people on this site
that have gone through similar things.
I am glad that you're doing okay now.
That stuff is all over, it's in the past,
and can be put to rest.
So you can move on with the rest of your life.
Don't let those things hold you back anymore.
Let it all go so you can finally be free of it.
I am glad that writing it out helps you heal and
are able to use the site to do that because it is a safe place.
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Hi; thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind review. My life is so much sweeter these days, and I only look back once in a while. You are right about this being a safe place - my FanStory family hasn't let me down,
~patty~
Comment from Judith Ann
Isn't it amazing the things we endure as children and still survive. Your story is a great example of the life many of us have endured. You told it very well and engaged the reader (me) to keep reading and even left me wanting more. The story of your survival will help countless others do the same. The only thing that I can suggest for future writing is to pull your reading in more by using dialog. This is very well done and thanks for sharing what had to have been a difficult thing. --Judith Ann
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Isn't it amazing the things we endure as children and still survive. Your story is a great example of the life many of us have endured. You told it very well and engaged the reader (me) to keep reading and even left me wanting more. The story of your survival will help countless others do the same. The only thing that I can suggest for future writing is to pull your reading in more by using dialog. This is very well done and thanks for sharing what had to have been a difficult thing. --Judith Ann
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Hi Judith; thank you so much for dropping by. I will take your suggestion and see what I can do in future chapters. I'm glad you saw some value in this piece,
~patty~
Comment from Heidi M
Sounds like a rough childhood to me. The baby buggy careening down the hill was scary. It's amazing you weren't hurt or killed.
I noticed two places where you used the same word twice. I would recommend dropping one instance of each word.
'mother was simply tired of motherhood, or if she simply didn't like' The word 'simply'.
'when I was almost nine, my family blamed me for almost everything.' The word 'almost'.
I think it's fascinating that you remember the first word you learned to read. And what a great one: elephant!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Sounds like a rough childhood to me. The baby buggy careening down the hill was scary. It's amazing you weren't hurt or killed.
I noticed two places where you used the same word twice. I would recommend dropping one instance of each word.
'mother was simply tired of motherhood, or if she simply didn't like' The word 'simply'.
'when I was almost nine, my family blamed me for almost everything.' The word 'almost'.
I think it's fascinating that you remember the first word you learned to read. And what a great one: elephant!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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Hi again, Heidi; thank you so much for reading this chapter of my life. Your warm review is most welcome and I appreciate you catching the 'nits.' I went and fixed them for future readers - thank you for your help,
~patty~
Comment from Rasmine
I am so sorry for how you were treated. You should never have been left alone with your siblings to care for you--okay easily said, huh? Back then, same with me, there was no child protective services, or if there was they didn't help us.
Patty, take care, and your grandchildren will really treasure your memoirs.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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I am so sorry for how you were treated. You should never have been left alone with your siblings to care for you--okay easily said, huh? Back then, same with me, there was no child protective services, or if there was they didn't help us.
Patty, take care, and your grandchildren will really treasure your memoirs.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
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thank you so much for reading and for your warm review. I survived, and I hope I'm a stronger person for all I went through. Thank goodness for books and writing,
~patty~
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Hey, I believe what doesn't kill us, really makes us very strong!!!!!!!!!!