Scripts
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "I'm Going to Tell Teacher-Part II"Scripts
16 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mikey Clever and interesting as the last scene was. I like the tongue-in-cheek humorous jabs here and there. I think the last paragraph that is Janice speaking is way too long. Perhaps cut it in half somehow.
Suggestions if you don't mind: "He began to come to the realization that she was God and this was his judgment day." (I would change this to read: "He began to believe she was God and his personal judgement day."
Shouldn't this read "ask" me as you lounge etc etc? "You TELL me as you lounge in that chair exchanging pleasantries and ideas with your sixth-grade teacher, are you dead?
Bravo! Good job. Bob
  |
Hi, Mikey Clever and interesting as the last scene was. I like the tongue-in-cheek humorous jabs here and there. I think the last paragraph that is Janice speaking is way too long. Perhaps cut it in half somehow.
Suggestions if you don't mind: "He began to come to the realization that she was God and this was his judgment day." (I would change this to read: "He began to believe she was God and his personal judgement day."
Shouldn't this read "ask" me as you lounge etc etc? "You TELL me as you lounge in that chair exchanging pleasantries and ideas with your sixth-grade teacher, are you dead?
Bravo! Good job. Bob
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
Comment from jlsavell
Good afternoon Mr. Cahill,
Yes, you can say I have been away far too long. Passing my time in another existence call undeniable no need to pinch me reality. Attending my life so to speak.
I find this quite fascinating. The reading, the assimilation, the revelational points. Very good. Now I am hooked and must go to part 1.
Potlatch you say?
A big fan
Jimi
 |
Good afternoon Mr. Cahill,
Yes, you can say I have been away far too long. Passing my time in another existence call undeniable no need to pinch me reality. Attending my life so to speak.
I find this quite fascinating. The reading, the assimilation, the revelational points. Very good. Now I am hooked and must go to part 1.
Potlatch you say?
A big fan
Jimi
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written script. There will come this time after our death when we have to answer for every little thing we have done wrong and why we did not make things right while we could, there might be even things you can't remember about.
|
A very well-written script. There will come this time after our death when we have to answer for every little thing we have done wrong and why we did not make things right while we could, there might be even things you can't remember about.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
Comment from Sankey
Good one mate. Enjoying following this along. Only one little spag this time.I do recognize a couple (of)folk...Good old West coastian again! Fs wants more and I am already on the third line Ho-Hum.
|
Good one mate. Enjoying following this along. Only one little spag this time.I do recognize a couple (of)folk...Good old West coastian again! Fs wants more and I am already on the third line Ho-Hum.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
Comment from Sasha
I continue to get a kick out of this one and knowing you have no idea of where it is going is comfort, as I don't know where it is going either. How ever you decide it is headed, I am sure the journey will be a fun one as this has been fun so far. I look forward to part 3 and possibly parts 4 and 5, whatever you decide.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
I continue to get a kick out of this one and knowing you have no idea of where it is going is comfort, as I don't know where it is going either. How ever you decide it is headed, I am sure the journey will be a fun one as this has been fun so far. I look forward to part 3 and possibly parts 4 and 5, whatever you decide.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
Comment from frierajac
I like the writing as it is readable and seems quick. You may like the tune, 'angel Eyes' for Frank S. it ends,"scuse me while I disappear". I wonder if this is really about graduation ?
Last night I reviewed "American Beauty", 8 academy awards inc best pic. awhile back. Similar in theme. In the end, although reader
knows from the start Kevin Spacey is dead, you don't know
who done it. which is partly the suspense of it. There was one
character who was really messed up who did it. The only was
to know this is that he turned up with blood all over his t-shirt.
Please take all with a grain of salt.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
I like the writing as it is readable and seems quick. You may like the tune, 'angel Eyes' for Frank S. it ends,"scuse me while I disappear". I wonder if this is really about graduation ?
Last night I reviewed "American Beauty", 8 academy awards inc best pic. awhile back. Similar in theme. In the end, although reader
knows from the start Kevin Spacey is dead, you don't know
who done it. which is partly the suspense of it. There was one
character who was really messed up who did it. The only was
to know this is that he turned up with blood all over his t-shirt.
Please take all with a grain of salt.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017