Comment from robyn corum

Good

Ingrid,

I think this could be quite interesting, doing a set of stories all situated in the same little town. Quite fascinating, actually. Wish I'd thought of it. *smile*

Looks like you were writing in a bit of a hurry, though, my friend. Lots to look at and possibly revise. Take a peek at these notes and see what you think:

1.) nodded at each other as if the two-word comment said it all.
--> odd. There wasn't a two-word comment here. There was like a three word comment and a one word one. ??

2.) reporting all the details,. to her customers at the hair salon.
--> no punctuation is called for here and you have two

3.) but I reckon most of the stories have grown over the years..
--> eliminate the extra period, please

4.) blurred by history, the house seemed destined, for a century of strange tenants.
--> the second comma is not needed

5.) superiority, serving up a renovation progress reports as she
--> not appropriate. either:
--> superiority, serving up renovation progress reports as she (or:)
--> superiority, serving up a renovation progress report as she

6.) Get off the property and take your sorry ass (back) wherever you came from."

7.) Forty years... The loss (is still?) a burning dagger(space)...(space)a searing
--> the rule for ellipses is to leave a space at the end - just as you've done after 'forty years' when it's at the end of a sentence or phrase. (Please notice that you haven't done it this way in places and these need to be corrected.)
--> in places where the ellipses fall in between two phrases, you need a space on either side of the ellipses as I show above.

8.) Once or twice (if?) a girl was crying I'd try to talk with her,

9.) backyard, manically ripping weed(s) out of the ground. .
--> lose one of the punctuation choices at the end.

10.) back," she repeated. "(Y)ou found me."

11.) close to you... never left,"" I finally said.
--> two sets of quotation marks.

12.) We stared at the rocks nameless, with nothing
--> (nameless rocks) ?

13.) nameless, (at) nothing more than (chiseled) granite,
--> or is 'chiseled' another of those words that our countries spell differently? *smile*

Hope this helps! Let me know when/if you revise!! Thanks~!



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 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2017

Yes, I'd like to think I rushed this and make excuses for the unforgiveable amount of spag, but in truth, it's been sitting in an open Word file for more than 3 months. It bothers me that Windows 10 does not alert me to the punctuation flubs--at the very least. I thank you for your very generous editorial comments.

Comment from Nikki-Nicole

Excellent

Nice artwork.
The title, 'Dirty Secrets', stands out.- It's catchy.
This is a well-written chapter.
Free of grammatical errors!
Good use of dialogue.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2017

Thank you very much.

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

I am out of 6s, as always, and this is most definitely deserving of one. Absolutely fascinating story that you presented in a equally fascinating way. I am so pleased you are posting again and I look forward to the next post, even if it take awhile. You do such a great job providing the deep, dark secret the house holds and introducing Joey so cleverly at the end. I definitely want to know more about the town and all its secrets. Great work with this one, you have been missed. What a joy to see your name in my message box.

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2017

Thanks so much. This sat as an open file for three months, I thought I'd better finish it.

Comment from Donya Quijote

Excellent

A riveting story in its infancy. Looking forward to more:

Found some nits hat need your attentions:


Miss Harris is the most disrespectful women (woman)

reporting all the details,. >unnecessary punctuation

have grown over the years.. >unnecessary punctuation

destined, for a century >drop the comma not necessary

ripping weed(s) out of the ground. . >unnecessary punctuation


Once or twice is (there was) a girl was crying I' >check tense, missing words

serving up (a) renovation progress reports >drop the indefinite article

was boarded up (again). >unnecessary word. You use this word twice in the sentence. Recommend you drop this one...

our sorry ass (from) wherever you came from." >wrong word. I think you meant to say 'back to'. I could be wrong, but check it out...

Joey...Hoe did you find me?." >spelling error how

Tou found me >spelling error you

Hope I have been helpful...


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 Comment Written 01-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2017

It turns out this needed as much time in editing as writing. I thank you for your very generous editorial comments.