2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "jisei haiku (chilled to the bone)"A collection of Japanese poetry
45 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Children are the flesh of our flesh, as are grandchildren. So it makes sense that they would be the last thing you would want to hear. The Japanese have a special affinity to death, particularly honourable suicide, a lot came in WW2, well done, great entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Children are the flesh of our flesh, as are grandchildren. So it makes sense that they would be the last thing you would want to hear. The Japanese have a special affinity to death, particularly honourable suicide, a lot came in WW2, well done, great entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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I am deeply grateful for your review and kind words.
Gypsy haijin sensei
Fanstory Haiku Teacher
Member of the Haiku Society of America
I teach a new class every month
This month I'm teaching tanka
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Well done Gypsy
Comment from estory
This poem has an eerie image, of the woman lying on the bed dead while the children laugh. it raises great questions about their relationship, about death and life, and how we live our life put it into the context of the bookends of birth and death. You packed a lot into a small space and it is quite poignant and unsettling. estory
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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This poem has an eerie image, of the woman lying on the bed dead while the children laugh. it raises great questions about their relationship, about death and life, and how we live our life put it into the context of the bookends of birth and death. You packed a lot into a small space and it is quite poignant and unsettling. estory
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Hello my friend. The woman's bed is empty because she lives alone without a husband or lover. It reflects her lonely life. She hears her children's laughter because it's what she holds dearest in her heart. Her children are her treasure and the last thing on her mind before she dies.
I am deeply grateful for your review and kind words.
Gypsy haijin sensei
Fanstory Haiku Teacher
Member of the Haiku Society of America
I teach a new class every month
This month I'm teaching tanka
Comment from cumulus365
Hi Gypsy sensei, I read up on this style to find jisei are dark, "farewell poem to life." These poems were written to reflect what is on the mind during the last days or moments of the writer. As this guide for me to remember what this style is, your poem says the moment of a person's on the death bed, the last moment that the mind is already in chaos on its way to succumb to the dark death but still lingering with the precious memory that would not go away is the memory of your closest one. My mom's eldest sister's health succumbed to liver cancer, she saw all of her 6 children and their spouses and her some 16 grandchildren but while she was still missing her last daughter. Her last daughter just had given birth in Thailand because her husband was taking a post to work there. Within a week after giving birth, the daughter went back to the US to see her mother, only then the mother passed on. It was very emotional because the mother held on, fought back the cancer with the morphine, but I guess with God's help to have her lingered until her last daughter arrived to say goodbye. So your line 3 expresses that precious feeling the dying person has at that last moment. This style is an elegant way to leave a note. My learning horizon expands more through my experience with this poetry. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Hi Gypsy sensei, I read up on this style to find jisei are dark, "farewell poem to life." These poems were written to reflect what is on the mind during the last days or moments of the writer. As this guide for me to remember what this style is, your poem says the moment of a person's on the death bed, the last moment that the mind is already in chaos on its way to succumb to the dark death but still lingering with the precious memory that would not go away is the memory of your closest one. My mom's eldest sister's health succumbed to liver cancer, she saw all of her 6 children and their spouses and her some 16 grandchildren but while she was still missing her last daughter. Her last daughter just had given birth in Thailand because her husband was taking a post to work there. Within a week after giving birth, the daughter went back to the US to see her mother, only then the mother passed on. It was very emotional because the mother held on, fought back the cancer with the morphine, but I guess with God's help to have her lingered until her last daughter arrived to say goodbye. So your line 3 expresses that precious feeling the dying person has at that last moment. This style is an elegant way to leave a note. My learning horizon expands more through my experience with this poetry. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the deep thought you gave to my simple death poem. It's very generous of you. Thank you, my friend.
You are very sweet, my friend, big gypsy hugs, mwah!
Comment from MizKat
Hi Gypsy,
I haven't read this kind of poem before.
Or have I ever heard of the name jisei either.
It's wonderful that you received the All Time Best award.
I've been gone for a couple of days and happy to be back again.
Kat
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Hi Gypsy,
I haven't read this kind of poem before.
Or have I ever heard of the name jisei either.
It's wonderful that you received the All Time Best award.
I've been gone for a couple of days and happy to be back again.
Kat
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
thank you
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You're welcome.
Comment from TAB_that's me
It is very chilling to think of your children laughing at your death but maybe you mean it in a good way - filled with fun memories.
Teresa
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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It is very chilling to think of your children laughing at your death but maybe you mean it in a good way - filled with fun memories.
Teresa
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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my intention was to express my last thought would be of my children's laughter (not that they are really laughing at me at my side) because I love it so.
Thank you very much, my friend, you are very kind and I appreciate your excellent review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written jisei poem. I think when we know it will be our last moment before we die, we will think of someone or something special for the last time.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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A very well-written jisei poem. I think when we know it will be our last moment before we die, we will think of someone or something special for the last time.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend, you are very kind and I appreciate your excellent review.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
This poem form is very interesting. A death poem exemplifies both eternal loneliness that is found at the heart of Zen and the search for a new viewpoint, a new way of looking at life and things. I loved reading your wonderful piece.
Bill~
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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This poem form is very interesting. A death poem exemplifies both eternal loneliness that is found at the heart of Zen and the search for a new viewpoint, a new way of looking at life and things. I loved reading your wonderful piece.
Bill~
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend, you are very kind and I appreciate your excellent review.
Comment from Joan E.
You are ever the teacher--many thanks for your extensive notes--I knew nothing about the Jisei. I admired your farewell to life and dramatic art accents. I hope you can switch gears to sweet dreams tonight! -Joan
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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You are ever the teacher--many thanks for your extensive notes--I knew nothing about the Jisei. I admired your farewell to life and dramatic art accents. I hope you can switch gears to sweet dreams tonight! -Joan
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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You are very sweet, my friend, big gypsy hugs, mwah!
Comment from sue133
This is a haunting jisei haiku. A totally new genre for me and I love all that I am learning. You have cleverly put music to it which expands the imagination. So sad to hear your children's laughter for the last time yet so beautiful to take with you. Susan
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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This is a haunting jisei haiku. A totally new genre for me and I love all that I am learning. You have cleverly put music to it which expands the imagination. So sad to hear your children's laughter for the last time yet so beautiful to take with you. Susan
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, Sue :) I agree with you, haiku is one of those things you can continue learning until you die, there is so much to learn and explore. It's fascinating. Take care.
Gypsy
Comment from Irish Rain
Awww, so sad. I don't know what my last thoughts will be...probably, 'no more dieting, whoo hoo!' Your children's laughter...indeed a treasure. Great Jisei, blessings...
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Awww, so sad. I don't know what my last thoughts will be...probably, 'no more dieting, whoo hoo!' Your children's laughter...indeed a treasure. Great Jisei, blessings...
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Hahaha... 'no more dieting, whoo hoo!' I agree with you, sister.
Thank you for taking the time from your busy schedule to read and ponder my poem. You are very kind and I appreciate it very much.
Gypsy
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You are most welcome, blessings...