2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "haibun ( great egret )"A collection of Japanese poetry
19 total reviews
Comment from Grasshopper2
Gypsy,
I like your haibun. Your syllabic count of 3 5 4 = 12 and your word count is 9. Lines one and two connect. I have a question about your satori. For me, your use of the word sentient is good, but it is not the best. Here is why I say this.
Sentient is an adjective, which means "one is able to perceive or feel things. Good.
Sentinel is a noun, and means "a guard whose job is to stand and keep watch." Better.
Sentry is a noun, which means "one that keeps guard or controls access to a place." Best.
For me, sentry is the best word which adds to your best use of words and the best word economy. Sentry is two syllables versus sentient which is three syllables. I enjoyued reading you.
Blessings,
Grasshopper
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Gypsy,
I like your haibun. Your syllabic count of 3 5 4 = 12 and your word count is 9. Lines one and two connect. I have a question about your satori. For me, your use of the word sentient is good, but it is not the best. Here is why I say this.
Sentient is an adjective, which means "one is able to perceive or feel things. Good.
Sentinel is a noun, and means "a guard whose job is to stand and keep watch." Better.
Sentry is a noun, which means "one that keeps guard or controls access to a place." Best.
For me, sentry is the best word which adds to your best use of words and the best word economy. Sentry is two syllables versus sentient which is three syllables. I enjoyued reading you.
Blessings,
Grasshopper
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Michael. Good job with the review. I meant sentient and that is the word I will keep but I always appreciate your reviews because they are helpful, respectful, and kind. Bless you.
gypsy sensei
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This prose and haiku views a true exaltation of the specificity and symbol of serenity in adverse environment, the feeling with visual imagery is appreciable and relative to the thoughts that flows freely.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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This prose and haiku views a true exaltation of the specificity and symbol of serenity in adverse environment, the feeling with visual imagery is appreciable and relative to the thoughts that flows freely.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you very much, I appreciate your excellent and helpful review. Have a great weekend, my friend.
gypsy
Comment from Dean Kuch
This is an very well written haibun and a wonderfully composed haiku, Gypsy.
I loved the alliteration in your satori.
Not only that, it is a wonderful nod to the man who made the FanStory Haiku Club possible, our beloved fiend...e-rrrr, heh-heh..., I mean friend, Mr. Douglas Paul.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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This is an very well written haibun and a wonderfully composed haiku, Gypsy.
I loved the alliteration in your satori.
Not only that, it is a wonderful nod to the man who made the FanStory Haiku Club possible, our beloved fiend...e-rrrr, heh-heh..., I mean friend, Mr. Douglas Paul.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend. I appreciate your kind and respectful words.
gypsy sensei
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You are more than welcome.
~Dean
Comment from Ric Myworld
As a prose guy, I definitely like reading about the subject and how part one groups the information leading up to the second part of the poem. Having everything spelled out in stories comes natural, but I'm finally starting to enjoy the deciphering aspect of what a poem is saying, or at least to me. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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As a prose guy, I definitely like reading about the subject and how part one groups the information leading up to the second part of the poem. Having everything spelled out in stories comes natural, but I'm finally starting to enjoy the deciphering aspect of what a poem is saying, or at least to me. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you very much, I appreciate your excellent and helpful review. Have a great weekend, my friend.
gypsy
Comment from royowen
Yes I think you're right, poetic badger is quite definitely Douglas' alter ego, my alter ego was always a nest of wisdom, even when drunk, I was continually guided to wisdom by it, now that I know God, it was always Him! Well done, that's why PB is sentient, excellent job, Gypsy, good stuff, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Yes I think you're right, poetic badger is quite definitely Douglas' alter ego, my alter ego was always a nest of wisdom, even when drunk, I was continually guided to wisdom by it, now that I know God, it was always Him! Well done, that's why PB is sentient, excellent job, Gypsy, good stuff, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you very much, I appreciate your excellent and helpful review. Have a great weekend, my friend.
gypsy
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Most welcome Gypsy
Comment from Lu Saluna
This is beautiful. I love everything about this post. The haibun is awesome, very warm and telling. Down to earth and straight from the heart.
Your haiku is amazing, the heron is such an amazing bird. For one so large it is so self-confident and calm, very stoic in nature and statuesque in stature when waiting for prey.
You satori "still sentient" is perfect, as the heron will stand absolutely still for long periods of time and they appear to be so wise.
Beautiful presentation, the painting is gorgeous.
Well done Huney Badger!
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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This is beautiful. I love everything about this post. The haibun is awesome, very warm and telling. Down to earth and straight from the heart.
Your haiku is amazing, the heron is such an amazing bird. For one so large it is so self-confident and calm, very stoic in nature and statuesque in stature when waiting for prey.
You satori "still sentient" is perfect, as the heron will stand absolutely still for long periods of time and they appear to be so wise.
Beautiful presentation, the painting is gorgeous.
Well done Huney Badger!
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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hehehe... you are the only one who noticed huney badger.
Thank you very much, sweetie pie, I appreciate your excellent and helpful review. Have a great weekend, my friend.
gypsy
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Gypsy, your glorious haiga got me in like a bait to a fish! I have really enjoyed reading this. Would you comment on your Satori please? I'm a little puzzled, Giddy
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Gypsy, your glorious haiga got me in like a bait to a fish! I have really enjoyed reading this. Would you comment on your Satori please? I'm a little puzzled, Giddy
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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sentient beings are everyone and everything that is alive. From men to spider and such. Still can be the still bird but it can also refer to the still poet. :)
Thank you for reading sweetie pie,
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a great haibun and also a great tribute to Poetic Badger. I love his tough haiku which is unlike any other I have read except the dirty haiku poetry slams. I love your description of him sitting "quietly on his porch to write poetry." You then segue to his dream of a heron. You return to your opening line before capping your piece with a haiku. I love your satori, "still sentient." Although the egret nests on hot reed bed. it it still aware of its surroundings, much like the poet on his porch.
Thank you for sharing.
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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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This is a great haibun and also a great tribute to Poetic Badger. I love his tough haiku which is unlike any other I have read except the dirty haiku poetry slams. I love your description of him sitting "quietly on his porch to write poetry." You then segue to his dream of a heron. You return to your opening line before capping your piece with a haiku. I love your satori, "still sentient." Although the egret nests on hot reed bed. it it still aware of its surroundings, much like the poet on his porch.
Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Andre. I can always count on you to 'get' my haiku.... even my haibun! hahaha
gypsy hugs
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow it went from unreadable to very readable, I am glad I rechecked it. Nicely done tribute in haibun form. Very nice lead to the haiku. He is an interesting writer and so is his side kick
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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Wow it went from unreadable to very readable, I am glad I rechecked it. Nicely done tribute in haibun form. Very nice lead to the haiku. He is an interesting writer and so is his side kick
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
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hahaha ... I went back to change something so I had to change the white font to black and then I forgot to change it back to white... sigh... Thank you for reading sweetie pie,
Gypsy hugs