Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Hawk House"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
24 total reviews
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, I have always been amazed at the creative abilities and talent that you have creating and substaining dialogue. The conversations you develop keeps me, your reader engaged throughout the story written for your book. This story has all the qualities of a truly excellent story. This book is becoming a very well written story. I'm enjoying this one my friend.
Hugs to you Rhonda
Jim
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Rhonda, I have always been amazed at the creative abilities and talent that you have creating and substaining dialogue. The conversations you develop keeps me, your reader engaged throughout the story written for your book. This story has all the qualities of a truly excellent story. This book is becoming a very well written story. I'm enjoying this one my friend.
Hugs to you Rhonda
Jim
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you, sweet friend! I'm glad it has worked for you, and I appreciate your kind words! I hope I am able to keep it up through the whole book. All books have ups and downs. Be kind on the downs, too, please. lol.
Thank you,
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
Oh my! Great chapter with lots of good descriptions. Enjoyed the vegetation descriptions and smells. I like the way you build suspense with each ominous encounter even the foreshadowing about the hawk carving. Great job!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Oh my! Great chapter with lots of good descriptions. Enjoyed the vegetation descriptions and smells. I like the way you build suspense with each ominous encounter even the foreshadowing about the hawk carving. Great job!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I like the way you carefully read and pointed out what worked for you.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from robyn corum
Rhonda,
This was really good reading, but fast. (good fast.) *smile* What I didn't understand though is, if the explosion went off OUTSIDE and sent the animals running OUTSIDE toward the town or whatever, why would the people in THIS BUILDING run out of it? They were safe inside, right? Doesn't wash with me. If they did run outside, where did they go? Didn't hear about them coming outside as these guys were about to climb in that window. Should have been milling around, right? Just confused about that part. Everything else looked good. Thanks!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Rhonda,
This was really good reading, but fast. (good fast.) *smile* What I didn't understand though is, if the explosion went off OUTSIDE and sent the animals running OUTSIDE toward the town or whatever, why would the people in THIS BUILDING run out of it? They were safe inside, right? Doesn't wash with me. If they did run outside, where did they go? Didn't hear about them coming outside as these guys were about to climb in that window. Should have been milling around, right? Just confused about that part. Everything else looked good. Thanks!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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They ran out because they were confused. They are very cloistered people, plus the Hawks, like the Cougars are in charge of the encampment. As you can see, they didn't all leave, and some will return.
Archie and Koko where hiding behind the house, and the people ran out the front.
Still and all, if it didn't make sense to you, then it didn't make sense.
Thanks for your input.
Rhonda
Comment from Heidi M
Good suspense built in as we wait to see if Archie and Koko get caught. Junior's going to notice all the books that have been thrown down. I doubt he will think it was a result of the explosion. I hope Archie and Koko are well hidden.
Nice job on this chapter.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Good suspense built in as we wait to see if Archie and Koko get caught. Junior's going to notice all the books that have been thrown down. I doubt he will think it was a result of the explosion. I hope Archie and Koko are well hidden.
Nice job on this chapter.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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No he won't think it's the explosion, and he will soon find out they've left anyway. They just want to get in and out before he finds out.
Thanks for your review and comments,
Rhonda
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Very well told and no problems noted or corrections I could find to make. I love the interaction as it makes the writing seem like it is happening as we watch. Very well done
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Very well told and no problems noted or corrections I could find to make. I love the interaction as it makes the writing seem like it is happening as we watch. Very well done
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I appreciate you!
Rhonda
Comment from Dustybones
A great continuation of these two getting away from the crazy place with the infamous book to bring the leaders to justice. Good writing as always without any unbelievable happening. That alway bothers me in book that I read. Cya..Boyd
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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A great continuation of these two getting away from the crazy place with the infamous book to bring the leaders to justice. Good writing as always without any unbelievable happening. That alway bothers me in book that I read. Cya..Boyd
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Boyd. I appreciate the comments about it seeming believable. That's very helpful!
Rhonda
Comment from Douglas Paul
This is a good chapter, my friend. It is filled with tension as the reader hopes they are not discovered and it end with even more tension due to the approaching footsteps. You are doing your usual great job on this. Sorry I am out of 6's
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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This is a good chapter, my friend. It is filled with tension as the reader hopes they are not discovered and it end with even more tension due to the approaching footsteps. You are doing your usual great job on this. Sorry I am out of 6's
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Douglas! I'll take the virtual 6! It's always encouraging to get a six no matter how it works out. Have a great night,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
So the rebellious escape has begun, Archie and Koko, meanwhile Sani has created a diversion, to help focus in another direction. Meanwhile Archie goes to Junior's office to gather evidence and find out where Todd is, and then make good there escape, the dreaded footsteps of junior are heard...Well done, Rhonda, good scribing, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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So the rebellious escape has begun, Archie and Koko, meanwhile Sani has created a diversion, to help focus in another direction. Meanwhile Archie goes to Junior's office to gather evidence and find out where Todd is, and then make good there escape, the dreaded footsteps of junior are heard...Well done, Rhonda, good scribing, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Roy! I appreciate the comments and your ongoing support. Hope all is well in your world. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
Good chapter. Engaging and engrossing. A book detailing the project has got to come in handy.
the happy vision disappearing like a drop of water on arid soil - very nice simile here.
neither women seemed to have a good answer - neither woman. (or neither of the women)
The last fluorescence of sun - not sure about the use of fluorescence here.
The fragrant odor it produced wasn't enough to calm their fears / they scarce took notice of trepidation or danger - I'm not so sure these two ideas tally up together. There fears weren't allayed suggests they were feeling them and not easily swayed, but the second suggests otherwise.
quietly down an enormously long hall / Slowly, carefully, they perused - be careful of using adverbs close together.
what house the person is from that is sent there." - who is sent there.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda,
Good chapter. Engaging and engrossing. A book detailing the project has got to come in handy.
the happy vision disappearing like a drop of water on arid soil - very nice simile here.
neither women seemed to have a good answer - neither woman. (or neither of the women)
The last fluorescence of sun - not sure about the use of fluorescence here.
The fragrant odor it produced wasn't enough to calm their fears / they scarce took notice of trepidation or danger - I'm not so sure these two ideas tally up together. There fears weren't allayed suggests they were feeling them and not easily swayed, but the second suggests otherwise.
quietly down an enormously long hall / Slowly, carefully, they perused - be careful of using adverbs close together.
what house the person is from that is sent there." - who is sent there.
All the best
G
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for all your comments and corrections. You were spot on on all of them.
Fixed and ready to go.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
amazing as ever Rhonda you ALWAYS create wonderful stories and I look forward so reading more from you, this is brilliantly done and I was hooked. I LOVE this endingand have no negative critique, it is Fabulous with a capital F and Flawless in the same way....you should be very proud. well done kind regards meia x
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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amazing as ever Rhonda you ALWAYS create wonderful stories and I look forward so reading more from you, this is brilliantly done and I was hooked. I LOVE this endingand have no negative critique, it is Fabulous with a capital F and Flawless in the same way....you should be very proud. well done kind regards meia x
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Meia. You are so sweet and supportive, and I'm so glad you're reading and reviewing my work. You're a sweetheart.
Rhonda