Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Donny's Door"Shorter stories
18 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Bill, this is a lovely story and as I see it a ghost story, where you see your parents disappearing into the dust, but then your grandparents take over. I liked that. Very well written, I hope you will write more prose in the coming year. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Hi Bill, this is a lovely story and as I see it a ghost story, where you see your parents disappearing into the dust, but then your grandparents take over. I liked that. Very well written, I hope you will write more prose in the coming year. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Ulla, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
An old ringer-washer sat there, covered with a tablecloth, next to an overstuffed chair that comforted several years of dust and whatever other contaminants had come to rest on it. ... I really liked the metaphor used here of the dust settling in and becoming "comfortable", Bill. That really helped to set the scene, as it were...
They opened the doors to the van and got in. Their movements were slow and measured, like they were in pain. It was then that I noticed how much older they looked than they had this morning. ... Oh, hell. I think I've already guessed what's coming next ...(see, I read and review as I go, Bill. So I have really no idea what lies ahead. I feel it is much easier for me that way to give a much better review). This poor kid is dead and just doesn't realize it...yet...
Standing at the bottom of the front porch steps I saw clearly that my grandfather, whom I had only seen in pictures, sat in the rocking chair just behind her. By his feet lay Skipper, the first dog I recall as a baby. He'd been gone at least ten years.
Once on the porch, I hugged them both before we all went inside. She had baked some apple pie. ...Yep, just as I suspected.
Well, if there is a bright side to being dead, I guess it would be spending an eternity with those you loved and cherished most in life.
We should all be so lucky.
Great work with this tale, Bill. A ghost story with a happy ending of sorts. Something I never seem to be able to do.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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An old ringer-washer sat there, covered with a tablecloth, next to an overstuffed chair that comforted several years of dust and whatever other contaminants had come to rest on it. ... I really liked the metaphor used here of the dust settling in and becoming "comfortable", Bill. That really helped to set the scene, as it were...
They opened the doors to the van and got in. Their movements were slow and measured, like they were in pain. It was then that I noticed how much older they looked than they had this morning. ... Oh, hell. I think I've already guessed what's coming next ...(see, I read and review as I go, Bill. So I have really no idea what lies ahead. I feel it is much easier for me that way to give a much better review). This poor kid is dead and just doesn't realize it...yet...
Standing at the bottom of the front porch steps I saw clearly that my grandfather, whom I had only seen in pictures, sat in the rocking chair just behind her. By his feet lay Skipper, the first dog I recall as a baby. He'd been gone at least ten years.
Once on the porch, I hugged them both before we all went inside. She had baked some apple pie. ...Yep, just as I suspected.
Well, if there is a bright side to being dead, I guess it would be spending an eternity with those you loved and cherished most in life.
We should all be so lucky.
Great work with this tale, Bill. A ghost story with a happy ending of sorts. Something I never seem to be able to do.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Dean, for a look into your critiquing methodology. I liked the overstuffed chair description myself. I also wanted all the evidence to speak for itself and not say the boy was dead. Appreciate your time and great review. Bill
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It's always a pleasure, Bill. You're more that welcome.
~Dean
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written short story you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. I enjoyed it from start to finish! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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This is a very well written short story you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. I enjoyed it from start to finish! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Teri, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Looks like you found a time tunnel. What fun that would be. Now you are a toddler again. Will you do the same things in life or not? What a great book this would make. :)
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Looks like you found a time tunnel. What fun that would be. Now you are a toddler again. Will you do the same things in life or not? What a great book this would make. :)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Phyllis, for the encouraging review. Bill
Comment from LaRosa
When I finished I wasn't sure I had gotten it right: Donnie was dead too! Had to re-read and all the signs were there. Yep. What an interesting way to tell a story; the twist is perfect.
Only found one 'error':
"...oblivious (of) me"
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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When I finished I wasn't sure I had gotten it right: Donnie was dead too! Had to re-read and all the signs were there. Yep. What an interesting way to tell a story; the twist is perfect.
Only found one 'error':
"...oblivious (of) me"
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Right you are. I guess I've never said 'oblivious of me' before. Thanks.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
An absolutely amazing write there's so much emotion in this. I love it.
it's hard to pick out one or two things to congratulate you on...mainly because the entire thing was filled with only great sections. this was an 'all killer, no filler' type of work :). very nice. great job, regards, meia :)
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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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An absolutely amazing write there's so much emotion in this. I love it.
it's hard to pick out one or two things to congratulate you on...mainly because the entire thing was filled with only great sections. this was an 'all killer, no filler' type of work :). very nice. great job, regards, meia :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for the encouraging and complimentary review. Bill
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thankyou SO much for the nomination as a reviewer Bill, I honestly cannot express my gratitude! kindest regards Meia x
Comment from nomi338
Wow! What a story. This is the best that I can remember reading of yours. This is something I would enjoy reading as a book or watching as a movie. This was a really good and pleasing story.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Wow! What a story. This is the best that I can remember reading of yours. This is something I would enjoy reading as a book or watching as a movie. This was a really good and pleasing story.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, nomi, for the exceptional review. Bill
Comment from Thomas Bowling
So iI suppose you're dead too, but don't realise it yet. Good writing. It ended just right. I don't like being spoon-fed all of the answers.
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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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So iI suppose you're dead too, but don't realise it yet. Good writing. It ended just right. I don't like being spoon-fed all of the answers.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Right. I figured making the statement was superfluous.