Scripts
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Lessons"Scripts
18 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
you don't scar(e) me
I think this is nicely done and needs to continue as it feels unfinished. But I realize this is just to be a sample and yet you pulled it off explaining bullying comes in many forms. A topic ingrained in todays society.
  |
you don't scar(e) me
I think this is nicely done and needs to continue as it feels unfinished. But I realize this is just to be a sample and yet you pulled it off explaining bullying comes in many forms. A topic ingrained in todays society.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from nordicgirl
This is not as flawless as your usual when it comes to presentation, but that is minor.
The content is powerful and thought provoking as roles are switched throughout giving a sense of how alike everyone really is. I would hope to see more of this from you. A great mew endeavor. NG
 |
This is not as flawless as your usual when it comes to presentation, but that is minor.
The content is powerful and thought provoking as roles are switched throughout giving a sense of how alike everyone really is. I would hope to see more of this from you. A great mew endeavor. NG
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from robina1978
The photo complements your script very well. I can notice you are struggling. But at least you tried, I stay away from those. I can follow the story line. If I was you, I would have elaborated a bit more on the first part and left out the second part.
|
The photo complements your script very well. I can notice you are struggling. But at least you tried, I stay away from those. I can follow the story line. If I was you, I would have elaborated a bit more on the first part and left out the second part.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Mikey,
for your first script I thought you did very well. I found it easy to follow and understood the story line perfectly. I like that you turn the tables not once but twice in this. First there is the bully who eventually becomes the bullied and the he becomes that person being saved from the bullies. A very well thought out story with a few lessons to learn. There is always someone bigger and tougher than you.
Well done.
Brenda:))x
|
Hi Mikey,
for your first script I thought you did very well. I found it easy to follow and understood the story line perfectly. I like that you turn the tables not once but twice in this. First there is the bully who eventually becomes the bullied and the he becomes that person being saved from the bullies. A very well thought out story with a few lessons to learn. There is always someone bigger and tougher than you.
Well done.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Michael,
You did a good job with this challenge. the characters are all there and you can see through the two scenes the parallel between the sets of kids. Bullied to bullying in Brick's case. When the shoe's on the other foot.
It can become a vicious circle, but kids don't always have the empathy they develop later.
the structure is good and you kept the direction brief. I also like that you didn't go for much description which is fairly important in scripts/screenplays to allow for the movement of other participants.
Are you going to write more of this? It feels a bit unfinished.
A bit of 'housekeeping'!-
Larry: You don't scar me ... - scare.
This may be a US/UK thing but couple friends maybe should be couple of friends.
Brick: This is our ball. Your not getting it - You're.
Hey, thanks, Homie / Did you call my homey an asshole? - be better to remain consistent with the spelling here.
There are a few question marks missing during the second scene.
me like your robbing these boys - you're.
All the best
G
|
Hi Michael,
You did a good job with this challenge. the characters are all there and you can see through the two scenes the parallel between the sets of kids. Bullied to bullying in Brick's case. When the shoe's on the other foot.
It can become a vicious circle, but kids don't always have the empathy they develop later.
the structure is good and you kept the direction brief. I also like that you didn't go for much description which is fairly important in scripts/screenplays to allow for the movement of other participants.
Are you going to write more of this? It feels a bit unfinished.
A bit of 'housekeeping'!-
Larry: You don't scar me ... - scare.
This may be a US/UK thing but couple friends maybe should be couple of friends.
Brick: This is our ball. Your not getting it - You're.
Hey, thanks, Homie / Did you call my homey an asshole? - be better to remain consistent with the spelling here.
There are a few question marks missing during the second scene.
me like your robbing these boys - you're.
All the best
G
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
You don't scar me (scare)
This is very well written and interesting. You did very well for someone who doesn't know how to write one. Bullying is such a terrible thing. There was a boy who tried to run me over with his bike when I was in kindergarten. One time, he left tread marks on my socks. You're right about the many forms bullying can take. It's not just physical damage, but psychological as well. Take care, my friend~Debbie
|
You don't scar me (scare)
This is very well written and interesting. You did very well for someone who doesn't know how to write one. Bullying is such a terrible thing. There was a boy who tried to run me over with his bike when I was in kindergarten. One time, he left tread marks on my socks. You're right about the many forms bullying can take. It's not just physical damage, but psychological as well. Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Mikey,
I think you've given all the elements of a script: characterization, set the scene, back story
I hope the new stranger is a bad ass or he could have his hands full. You also dealt with bullying from two perspectives. I just made a couple of notes:
Larry: You don't scar me ... (scare)
I can't believe you're walking down our street, homes, (is it homes or holmes - not like I've ever been to gang territory lol but I always thought they said "holmes" on tv)
Great job!
Kim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Hi Mikey,
I think you've given all the elements of a script: characterization, set the scene, back story
I hope the new stranger is a bad ass or he could have his hands full. You also dealt with bullying from two perspectives. I just made a couple of notes:
Larry: You don't scar me ... (scare)
I can't believe you're walking down our street, homes, (is it homes or holmes - not like I've ever been to gang territory lol but I always thought they said "holmes" on tv)
Great job!
Kim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written script in my opinion. There is always a bully in every situation, no bully is immune and can meet their own bully somehow, and they will surely see it is not so easy to stand on the other side.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
A very well-written script in my opinion. There is always a bully in every situation, no bully is immune and can meet their own bully somehow, and they will surely see it is not so easy to stand on the other side.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017