Undocumented
The debate31 total reviews
Comment from CEO2020
You are super gifted. I have read several of your works. I admire you as a writer. I too am an aspiring author. If you have the time, I would like your review of my latest post - Mirrors of Life-Chapter 25
Thanks
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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You are super gifted. I have read several of your works. I admire you as a writer. I too am an aspiring author. If you have the time, I would like your review of my latest post - Mirrors of Life-Chapter 25
Thanks
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from patcelaw
When illegals come here without going through the proper channels, they are causing a curse upon their children. We are supposed to be a society with laws, and all should obey the laws. Patricia
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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When illegals come here without going through the proper channels, they are causing a curse upon their children. We are supposed to be a society with laws, and all should obey the laws. Patricia
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from Fridayauthor
I'll limit my comments to the writing and not the story itself. I like the staging and the characters. Most of the dialog sounds true, with some exceptions; her final, "Thank you," is a little difficult buy.
I would like to see some hesitation by the congressman before he answers this unexpected question. He rattles it off too quickly.
Otherwise, well done.
PS: My son was just this year awarded his doctorate in chemistry from the University of Chicago. He was however, born here!
Thank you.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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I'll limit my comments to the writing and not the story itself. I like the staging and the characters. Most of the dialog sounds true, with some exceptions; her final, "Thank you," is a little difficult buy.
I would like to see some hesitation by the congressman before he answers this unexpected question. He rattles it off too quickly.
Otherwise, well done.
PS: My son was just this year awarded his doctorate in chemistry from the University of Chicago. He was however, born here!
Thank you.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from Halfree
Really a thought provoking bit of work. I don't have an answer for the young woman and I do not know a good answer. I think you presented an all too common problem. The child is a U.S. citizen and yet she isn't.
We, natural born citizens, take if for granted our status. The young in your story is a U.S. citizen and yet is not.
Got me to thinking, thanks for the little nudge.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Really a thought provoking bit of work. I don't have an answer for the young woman and I do not know a good answer. I think you presented an all too common problem. The child is a U.S. citizen and yet she isn't.
We, natural born citizens, take if for granted our status. The young in your story is a U.S. citizen and yet is not.
Got me to thinking, thanks for the little nudge.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from dweigt
Great beginning! We certainly have an impression of the congressman and his views by the end of his response to Maria. You've sown the seeds of conflict here, and I'm curious to see what you do with them.
I have just a few minor quibbles, and some of that may be just my own preconceptions, and I may be wildly off-base depending on your plans for the characters.
I was brought here as a child by my parents through no fault of my own. -- I question whether Maria would say "through no fault of my own." In my experience, people in her situation do not believe, or at least do not express, any possibility that they've done anything wrong. It is the immigration policies, and those who enforce them, that are wrong, not the undocumented immigrants. For Maria to say "no fault of my own", would be tacitly admitting her parents did something wrong. Would she think that? Your choice, depending on your vision for her.
Sure enough, he had cleaned everything pretty well considering and he did his homework too... -- Consider a "considering", to give a clue to cadence. I think there would be a slight pause before and after. -- Sure enough, he had cleaned everything pretty well, considering, and he did his homework too...
Maria: Thank you. -- Really? Again, my own preconception, but I imagine Maria being more combative, and less receptive to the congressman's remarks. Although your congressman made good points, they are unlikely to immediately sway anyone in his audience.
Your audience seems a bit too polite and subdued, even allowing for the professor admonishing them. Wouldn't a few hecklers still speak up?
Great start, and looking forward to what comes next. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Great beginning! We certainly have an impression of the congressman and his views by the end of his response to Maria. You've sown the seeds of conflict here, and I'm curious to see what you do with them.
I have just a few minor quibbles, and some of that may be just my own preconceptions, and I may be wildly off-base depending on your plans for the characters.
I was brought here as a child by my parents through no fault of my own. -- I question whether Maria would say "through no fault of my own." In my experience, people in her situation do not believe, or at least do not express, any possibility that they've done anything wrong. It is the immigration policies, and those who enforce them, that are wrong, not the undocumented immigrants. For Maria to say "no fault of my own", would be tacitly admitting her parents did something wrong. Would she think that? Your choice, depending on your vision for her.
Sure enough, he had cleaned everything pretty well considering and he did his homework too... -- Consider a "considering", to give a clue to cadence. I think there would be a slight pause before and after. -- Sure enough, he had cleaned everything pretty well, considering, and he did his homework too...
Maria: Thank you. -- Really? Again, my own preconception, but I imagine Maria being more combative, and less receptive to the congressman's remarks. Although your congressman made good points, they are unlikely to immediately sway anyone in his audience.
Your audience seems a bit too polite and subdued, even allowing for the professor admonishing them. Wouldn't a few hecklers still speak up?
Great start, and looking forward to what comes next. Keep writing!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from judiverse
I'm glad that you brought up seeing an immigration lawyer. Maria has accomplished quite a bit, but she is an exception, documented or undocumented. The liberals need to get it out of their heads that everyone who was brought into the country illegally is a "dreamer." Many are more like nightmares. Great comments from the Congressman and the story about his son wanting the $10 is great. Excellent one about how many people did he send to prison as a prosecutor and his response they sent themselves. Excellent look at this controversial topic, and you give people like Marcia a solution to her situation. judi
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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I'm glad that you brought up seeing an immigration lawyer. Maria has accomplished quite a bit, but she is an exception, documented or undocumented. The liberals need to get it out of their heads that everyone who was brought into the country illegally is a "dreamer." Many are more like nightmares. Great comments from the Congressman and the story about his son wanting the $10 is great. Excellent one about how many people did he send to prison as a prosecutor and his response they sent themselves. Excellent look at this controversial topic, and you give people like Marcia a solution to her situation. judi
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
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You're very welcome. Those brought here illegally can't help that. However, they can try to make things right with the immigration authorities. Maybe if there was a campaign to get them to come forward and take the appropriate steps to becoming citizens, that would gek
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You're very welcome. Those brought here illegally can't help that. However, they can try to make things right with the immigration authorities. Maybe if there was a campaign to get them to come forward and take the appropriate steps to becoming citizens, that would gek
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I think I fired off my reply without finishing it. My point was, if there is a campaign to inform these so-called dreamers of the steps they need to take to become legal residents of the U.S., that might help. judi
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Do you ever wonder why there isn't one, or why no one suggests the obvious compromise.
Don't grant citizenship to people who skipped in line, jut legal residence?
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I think you have a point there. Legal residence, but none of the benefits of citizenship. They get to stay, but have to pay to do so. judi
Comment from janalma
As usual this is well written. Interesting and sensible thinking on your protagonists part. I think, tho, that people will not accept the idea very easily that we are responsible for ourselves, thus our actions should be to do our best in that respect. I think many people want to be taken care of. As in, no thinking, no action on my part. The government should just see that I have what I need. Then I'll be good and won't cause trouble.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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As usual this is well written. Interesting and sensible thinking on your protagonists part. I think, tho, that people will not accept the idea very easily that we are responsible for ourselves, thus our actions should be to do our best in that respect. I think many people want to be taken care of. As in, no thinking, no action on my part. The government should just see that I have what I need. Then I'll be good and won't cause trouble.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from jmcfadden1528
This is a very well-written, clever look into a very important issue. I agree with the congressman to an extent, and he seems like an honorable man, but I feel that he downplays her accomplishments a bit. Being a first generation immigrant in America is not the easiest path, and the fact that she accomplished what she did is impressive to say the least. I'm sure she has had to endure racism and sexism through out her life, and the congressman simply says good job and it's what you're supposed to do. This piece definitely stirs up emotion, so you did a great job. Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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This is a very well-written, clever look into a very important issue. I agree with the congressman to an extent, and he seems like an honorable man, but I feel that he downplays her accomplishments a bit. Being a first generation immigrant in America is not the easiest path, and the fact that she accomplished what she did is impressive to say the least. I'm sure she has had to endure racism and sexism through out her life, and the congressman simply says good job and it's what you're supposed to do. This piece definitely stirs up emotion, so you did a great job. Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 15-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a powerful message to people in Maria's situation. The actions that break the law need to be accounted for and folks need to 'get right' to be on the side of legality. Most people suspect that conservative legislators will come down on the side 'law and order' and let the chips fall where they may. Liberal legislators seem to want everyone to win and to change the laws that prevent that. This segment was well constructed and used all the characters in what I feel was a believable scene. We were left to imagine what Joylene was going to say, but I suspect it wasn't endearing.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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This is a powerful message to people in Maria's situation. The actions that break the law need to be accounted for and folks need to 'get right' to be on the side of legality. Most people suspect that conservative legislators will come down on the side 'law and order' and let the chips fall where they may. Liberal legislators seem to want everyone to win and to change the laws that prevent that. This segment was well constructed and used all the characters in what I feel was a believable scene. We were left to imagine what Joylene was going to say, but I suspect it wasn't endearing.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
Comment from fafa
This type of writings where one speaks on the life is a serious and difficult document that can be of the taste of much and others not, I personally like myself, blessings
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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This type of writings where one speaks on the life is a serious and difficult document that can be of the taste of much and others not, I personally like myself, blessings
Comment Written 15-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you very much
