The Journey
Prose Potlatch Challenge--Animal Story21 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Michael,
This is a very sad look at things. Surely, you are not this pessimistic? And then to call what was left -- one giraffe roaming silently and alone on the abandoned earth 'heaven'? Come on.
You and I need to have a loooonnng talk, my boy! *smile*
But the writing was good! *smile*
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Michael,
This is a very sad look at things. Surely, you are not this pessimistic? And then to call what was left -- one giraffe roaming silently and alone on the abandoned earth 'heaven'? Come on.
You and I need to have a loooonnng talk, my boy! *smile*
But the writing was good! *smile*
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Pantygynt
Garamond sounds somewhat Tolkienesque to me and why not? With a mother named after a ballet we have to be in a fantasy world, and it turns out to be an unpleasant one, rather like my view of the South Pole in 2075 as described in my version of White Christmas penned for the poetry Potlatch the previous evening. The problem with animal stories is that once they start to communicate with each other the yawning chasm of anthropomorphism opens up ahead of the writer.
I found this beckoning me in my tale of the abandoned doggie. I hope I avoided the worst of it. At least neither of us put our animals into Beatrix Potter pants and skirts. As long as the remain real animals in our readers minds I'd say we had avoided it and you have done so here. I look forward to hearing your opinion of mine.
I wanted to go on with my tale too but I limit myself to around 1,000 words otherwise I would fall asleep over the keyboard thanks to time differences. But I can see how both our stories could be expanded considerably. This has been a very interesting challenge.
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Garamond sounds somewhat Tolkienesque to me and why not? With a mother named after a ballet we have to be in a fantasy world, and it turns out to be an unpleasant one, rather like my view of the South Pole in 2075 as described in my version of White Christmas penned for the poetry Potlatch the previous evening. The problem with animal stories is that once they start to communicate with each other the yawning chasm of anthropomorphism opens up ahead of the writer.
I found this beckoning me in my tale of the abandoned doggie. I hope I avoided the worst of it. At least neither of us put our animals into Beatrix Potter pants and skirts. As long as the remain real animals in our readers minds I'd say we had avoided it and you have done so here. I look forward to hearing your opinion of mine.
I wanted to go on with my tale too but I limit myself to around 1,000 words otherwise I would fall asleep over the keyboard thanks to time differences. But I can see how both our stories could be expanded considerably. This has been a very interesting challenge.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I love this Mum and son Giraffe story, but it's a sad tale, the last left to wander a polluted earth. (hopefully that won't come true)
I like the idea that what we have here is 'the Kingdom of Heaven'.
Something quite different from you mikey, well done.
cheers,
valda
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I love this Mum and son Giraffe story, but it's a sad tale, the last left to wander a polluted earth. (hopefully that won't come true)
I like the idea that what we have here is 'the Kingdom of Heaven'.
Something quite different from you mikey, well done.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written piece about the two last giraffes left after the humans ruined everything for everybody. Animals have a better chance to survive any setback that hunans would.
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A very well-written piece about the two last giraffes left after the humans ruined everything for everybody. Animals have a better chance to survive any setback that hunans would.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
What a well written piece, my friend. This has such a strong message we should all heed as the ending of our existence here is likely should we continue on as we are now. Well written potlatch piece, mikey~Debbie
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What a well written piece, my friend. This has such a strong message we should all heed as the ending of our existence here is likely should we continue on as we are now. Well written potlatch piece, mikey~Debbie
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from LIJ Red
My kind of story, with man as the defunct villain, having reaped the whirlwind and gone away. The last life on earth will no doubt be the noble cockroach, but of the higher forms I vote for the crow. It would be the rat, but they have come to depend on us too much. Excellent challenge entry.
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My kind of story, with man as the defunct villain, having reaped the whirlwind and gone away. The last life on earth will no doubt be the noble cockroach, but of the higher forms I vote for the crow. It would be the rat, but they have come to depend on us too much. Excellent challenge entry.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from nordicgirl
A beautiful and heart tigging story, Michael. I remember when the smog was so bad we rarely saw the mountains. So, I know we can for sire ruin this place. That aside, I love the notion that this IS Heaven. We should treat it that way and live our lives that way. Touching ending. Yes, longer would be the ticket. NG
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A beautiful and heart tigging story, Michael. I remember when the smog was so bad we rarely saw the mountains. So, I know we can for sire ruin this place. That aside, I love the notion that this IS Heaven. We should treat it that way and live our lives that way. Touching ending. Yes, longer would be the ticket. NG
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Gloria ....
Yes, I think this would make a really nice longer story, Mav. It could be didactic in an understated, and "showing" way, just like you've so beautifully illustrated with this shorter version.
The climate is changing in a way it has never done before like the ice core sample from 800,000 years show in Greenland and Antarctica.
to operate and be spoil (bespoil) the planet.
Anyway a most endearing story that evokes strong emotive connection.
Love it,
Ange
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Yes, I think this would make a really nice longer story, Mav. It could be didactic in an understated, and "showing" way, just like you've so beautifully illustrated with this shorter version.
The climate is changing in a way it has never done before like the ice core sample from 800,000 years show in Greenland and Antarctica.
to operate and be spoil (bespoil) the planet.
Anyway a most endearing story that evokes strong emotive connection.
Love it,
Ange
Comment Written 12-Dec-2016
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
AAAAAWWWWW
So sad but you did use all that we learned over the past little bit.
Told in one POV and yet, interaction of words and thoughts.
Very nice, though sad
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AAAAAWWWWW
So sad but you did use all that we learned over the past little bit.
Told in one POV and yet, interaction of words and thoughts.
Very nice, though sad
Comment Written 11-Dec-2016
Comment from sandy montgomery
Good job. Interesting to choice of giraffes as the last living creature. It would be interesting in a longer form. The message comes through your piece though. Thank you for sharing your work.
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Good job. Interesting to choice of giraffes as the last living creature. It would be interesting in a longer form. The message comes through your piece though. Thank you for sharing your work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2016