Selections For Book Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "I Think Maybe Autumn is Forever"possible selections for inclusion in book project
13 total reviews
Comment from Ima L. Ami
I love this poem, and it'd be okay if Autumn was forever! The words flit around much like an autumn leaf does when the wind picks it up and carries it through the sky in spite of its lack of wings. Easy pace with lines that transition smoothly. Great work :)
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I love this poem, and it'd be okay if Autumn was forever! The words flit around much like an autumn leaf does when the wind picks it up and carries it through the sky in spite of its lack of wings. Easy pace with lines that transition smoothly. Great work :)
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
Comment from rama devi
HI Mikey!
I love the word auburn. I think orange-ish is distracting, frankly, but it's a matter of taste.
Great pensive lines:
perhaps with purpose
but purpose
has no affect
when a stream's course
is set
Thoughtful:
even the power to
forge against
does not
allay what has to be
Well voiced:
once was a tree
and a leaf grew
green seemed immortal
and moist
The enjambment is a bit choppy but it reads fine read aloud. personally, I would have opted for sculpting cadences with punctuation in this poem, because of stanzas like the one above. But others, like the one below, flow fine without it:
the wind knew of tales
to be told
of seasons
famine in other lands
myths
now shown to be real
Unique voicing:
what of fear then
brittle frightens
and as the hold tightens
it snaps
for once to fly - dramatic line and spacing too.
FAVORITE LINES:
for want of wings
the sky remains a dream
some trees understand mercy
and strain to
cast a shadow over the water
I like the voicing and the open-avenue of interpretation in your closing lines:
thus a journey
in lieu of quiet contemplation
the world has waterfalls
and grand endless oceans
wish for them
and maybe
I like the startling lack of closure. I can 'feel' an implied ellipses inviting the reader to fill in the blank...
Bravo. A compelling write! Highly original.
Lovely presentation too.
Warmly, r d
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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HI Mikey!
I love the word auburn. I think orange-ish is distracting, frankly, but it's a matter of taste.
Great pensive lines:
perhaps with purpose
but purpose
has no affect
when a stream's course
is set
Thoughtful:
even the power to
forge against
does not
allay what has to be
Well voiced:
once was a tree
and a leaf grew
green seemed immortal
and moist
The enjambment is a bit choppy but it reads fine read aloud. personally, I would have opted for sculpting cadences with punctuation in this poem, because of stanzas like the one above. But others, like the one below, flow fine without it:
the wind knew of tales
to be told
of seasons
famine in other lands
myths
now shown to be real
Unique voicing:
what of fear then
brittle frightens
and as the hold tightens
it snaps
for once to fly - dramatic line and spacing too.
FAVORITE LINES:
for want of wings
the sky remains a dream
some trees understand mercy
and strain to
cast a shadow over the water
I like the voicing and the open-avenue of interpretation in your closing lines:
thus a journey
in lieu of quiet contemplation
the world has waterfalls
and grand endless oceans
wish for them
and maybe
I like the startling lack of closure. I can 'feel' an implied ellipses inviting the reader to fill in the blank...
Bravo. A compelling write! Highly original.
Lovely presentation too.
Warmly, r d
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written thoughtful poem. I find autumn the most pleasant of all the seasons and I will happily vote for autumn never to come to an end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
A very well-written thoughtful poem. I find autumn the most pleasant of all the seasons and I will happily vote for autumn never to come to an end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2016