Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Best I Could Do"A collection of sonnets
28 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Positive post of poetic pie, my friend. Fine meter and rhyming.
I love how you made this pie poem about WAR! Awesome counterpoint in composition. Potent sonnet.Fine meter. Great rhyming. Sounds good read aloud, especially with all the alliteration, consonance and assonance, but the flow is hindered by spag, IMHO.
Spag suggestions:
With these two hands, I planted apple seeds
in barren ground,(no ,) all said would bear no fruit.
Undaunted(,) I attended to all needs,(no ,)
and marveled as these little gems took root.
Through winter's harshness I brought warmth to bear;(,)
providing shelter from the wind and frost.
Each branch set bravely out(,) though unaware
of what was there to find, or what the cost.
Awesome volta - note one spag:
But nations do not think in terms of me
or you, they think of them. So off to war,
abandoned to their fate my apple trees.
With hope I('d) left, I wished I'd given more.
Love the closing twist...a tree grew and bore fruit...and much deserved sweetness to balance the atrocity of war...
When I returned, I learned it's best to try.
It was no waste; I taste sweet apple pie.
Five stars in advance.
Great thematic depth with what could have otherwise been a mundane-baked poem!
Much love,
rd
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Positive post of poetic pie, my friend. Fine meter and rhyming.
I love how you made this pie poem about WAR! Awesome counterpoint in composition. Potent sonnet.Fine meter. Great rhyming. Sounds good read aloud, especially with all the alliteration, consonance and assonance, but the flow is hindered by spag, IMHO.
Spag suggestions:
With these two hands, I planted apple seeds
in barren ground,(no ,) all said would bear no fruit.
Undaunted(,) I attended to all needs,(no ,)
and marveled as these little gems took root.
Through winter's harshness I brought warmth to bear;(,)
providing shelter from the wind and frost.
Each branch set bravely out(,) though unaware
of what was there to find, or what the cost.
Awesome volta - note one spag:
But nations do not think in terms of me
or you, they think of them. So off to war,
abandoned to their fate my apple trees.
With hope I('d) left, I wished I'd given more.
Love the closing twist...a tree grew and bore fruit...and much deserved sweetness to balance the atrocity of war...
When I returned, I learned it's best to try.
It was no waste; I taste sweet apple pie.
Five stars in advance.
Great thematic depth with what could have otherwise been a mundane-baked poem!
Much love,
rd
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from robyn corum
Mikey,
This ended up being a story in a poem! And a nice story it was, since he made it home to eat his own apples in a pie. Nice! This was an unusual write for you - something bright and optimistic -- though you had to break the joy up long enough to send the lad off to war! hahahahaha
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Mikey,
This ended up being a story in a poem! And a nice story it was, since he made it home to eat his own apples in a pie. Nice! This was an unusual write for you - something bright and optimistic -- though you had to break the joy up long enough to send the lad off to war! hahahahaha
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, you managed to include the act of baking, Mike, so all's well that ends well.
As for your sonnet, it featured good iambic pentameter, it's very well rhymed, and it does tell a good story which, albeit a bit sad in the middle--like a tomato--came out smellin' sweet in the end.
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Well, you managed to include the act of baking, Mike, so all's well that ends well.
As for your sonnet, it featured good iambic pentameter, it's very well rhymed, and it does tell a good story which, albeit a bit sad in the middle--like a tomato--came out smellin' sweet in the end.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written sonnet, how else would everybody got their apple pies baked if someone did not think about planting the apple trees and the sweet potatoes or feed the turkey. LOL.
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A very well-written sonnet, how else would everybody got their apple pies baked if someone did not think about planting the apple trees and the sweet potatoes or feed the turkey. LOL.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, brother Mike,
a Beautiful sonnet about veterans of war. It's sad that the land a man fights for is left behind to dry and be neglected. Or so it seems.
I like the way you ended the poet. It made me feel proud to be an American, although I have not done anything to earn that pride, the way soldiers did and do. I would not be able to kill another person unless he/she was trying to hurt my children or someone else I love.
Good job sweetie pie, it's an excellent sonnet. I am proud of you.
gypsy
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Hello, brother Mike,
a Beautiful sonnet about veterans of war. It's sad that the land a man fights for is left behind to dry and be neglected. Or so it seems.
I like the way you ended the poet. It made me feel proud to be an American, although I have not done anything to earn that pride, the way soldiers did and do. I would not be able to kill another person unless he/she was trying to hurt my children or someone else I love.
Good job sweetie pie, it's an excellent sonnet. I am proud of you.
gypsy
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Michael,
I enjoyed your sonnet. It reads smoothly with great rhyme & attention to detail. I like the way it starts as one planting seeds but grows into a more purposeful poem. The young man did the best he could with the apple seeds. He protected them from all that tried to destroy them. Then he left to fight for freedom the best he could. Upon his return his trees were thriving.
This is a good story that builds from the simple to more complex. Your meter is super--I could hear it as I read it aloud.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
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Michael,
I enjoyed your sonnet. It reads smoothly with great rhyme & attention to detail. I like the way it starts as one planting seeds but grows into a more purposeful poem. The young man did the best he could with the apple seeds. He protected them from all that tried to destroy them. Then he left to fight for freedom the best he could. Upon his return his trees were thriving.
This is a good story that builds from the simple to more complex. Your meter is super--I could hear it as I read it aloud.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from Pearl Edwards
And from such a piddling little tree comes a scrumptious looking apple pie, some years later. Good tale of the tenacious apple tree mikey. Your sonnet reads and flows so smoothly, nicely done.
cheers,
valda
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And from such a piddling little tree comes a scrumptious looking apple pie, some years later. Good tale of the tenacious apple tree mikey. Your sonnet reads and flows so smoothly, nicely done.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
Comment from JennaG
I loved the story of the apple seeds and how they grew into trees and thrived despite the odds. A wonderfully written sonnet and a very uplifting and inspiring message. I'm enjoying reading all these sonnets...and getting hungry for pie for some reason. LOL :)
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I loved the story of the apple seeds and how they grew into trees and thrived despite the odds. A wonderfully written sonnet and a very uplifting and inspiring message. I'm enjoying reading all these sonnets...and getting hungry for pie for some reason. LOL :)
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Mikey: clever poem about the seeds and harvest. It's time for USA to be planted by the word to grow fruit! I voted! The elections are interesting with the states in many colors. We can't control the race. I'm been baking pies, bread and cookies.
I have 10,000 words so far on day five on my NaNoWriMo Novel in a month challenge. Still figuring out how the bad guy is bad to the good guy. I went to a grave site to walk and look at names for characters. So much to know. TIPS?
flylikeaneagle
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Mikey: clever poem about the seeds and harvest. It's time for USA to be planted by the word to grow fruit! I voted! The elections are interesting with the states in many colors. We can't control the race. I'm been baking pies, bread and cookies.
I have 10,000 words so far on day five on my NaNoWriMo Novel in a month challenge. Still figuring out how the bad guy is bad to the good guy. I went to a grave site to walk and look at names for characters. So much to know. TIPS?
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
Comment from ciliverde
Good for you!! It IS positive, although I was worried when you went off to war...it could have gone bad in a hurry. You did well with this one, it sounds as though your trees flourished in your absence, and the pie tasted upon coming home - fantastic! it's a simple thing, but as someone said, quite profound ;)
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Good for you!! It IS positive, although I was worried when you went off to war...it could have gone bad in a hurry. You did well with this one, it sounds as though your trees flourished in your absence, and the pie tasted upon coming home - fantastic! it's a simple thing, but as someone said, quite profound ;)
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
