Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "So lonely"Words to pass on to my children
15 total reviews
Comment from William Ross
I think you did well on your first sonnet, good rhyme and rhythm flows and reads well, meter may be off a bit, but a great job and read. good luck on this and have a great day.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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I think you did well on your first sonnet, good rhyme and rhythm flows and reads well, meter may be off a bit, but a great job and read. good luck on this and have a great day.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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Thanks William I have change it a little
Comment from Bucketlist
I don' t know if a second review is allowed,but here goes........"Birds needs were her joy she often has said " ....suggestion to change to
Birds' needs were her joy she often said
"She wishes so much for them to appear " change to She wished so much for them to appear.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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I don' t know if a second review is allowed,but here goes........"Birds needs were her joy she often has said " ....suggestion to change to
Birds' needs were her joy she often said
"She wishes so much for them to appear " change to She wished so much for them to appear.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much for your excellent review and comments I appreciate it and I have taken your advice.
Comment from Max. Velocity
This is a stone cold tragic snapshot of giving life your all and having it sum up to nothing but staring out the window feeding birds, waiting for death to release you from the slavery of loneliness.....is that what's in store for you and I?
Some clever rhymes, yonder and ponder with the half rhyme chatter and laughter for example, wrap this melancholic photograph into both a stark criticism of how blind we have become as a society and a heartfelt plea for empathy towards those that have served us well in their lives so we could live ours.
I wish you well with this in the contest and may God Bless you for being an empath.
Max
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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This is a stone cold tragic snapshot of giving life your all and having it sum up to nothing but staring out the window feeding birds, waiting for death to release you from the slavery of loneliness.....is that what's in store for you and I?
Some clever rhymes, yonder and ponder with the half rhyme chatter and laughter for example, wrap this melancholic photograph into both a stark criticism of how blind we have become as a society and a heartfelt plea for empathy towards those that have served us well in their lives so we could live ours.
I wish you well with this in the contest and may God Bless you for being an empath.
Max
Comment Written 21-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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Thanks so much for a lengthy review I appreciate. and the well wishes.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Too many times grown children, too busy with their own lives to even care, neglect the very parents who brought them into this world and raised them, when those same parents are old and need the children the most.
This poem depicts this theme well and should make for an interesting entry into this contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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Too many times grown children, too busy with their own lives to even care, neglect the very parents who brought them into this world and raised them, when those same parents are old and need the children the most.
This poem depicts this theme well and should make for an interesting entry into this contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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Thanks Brett for your encouraging review.
Comment from Sheik S. Peer
Unusual Sonnet in that it is about sadness rather then Love. The writer re-told an all too common story in a few short lines. unfortunately, some of the rhyming seemed forced. The photograph was stark and added to the atmosphere created by the words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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Unusual Sonnet in that it is about sadness rather then Love. The writer re-told an all too common story in a few short lines. unfortunately, some of the rhyming seemed forced. The photograph was stark and added to the atmosphere created by the words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016
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Yes it is sad but she is longing for love so I thought this would suffice, thanks for your comments and review.