Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Green"Poems /stories on Fanstory
26 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
An unusual but remarkably effective layout is used here with iambic octameters and no end rhyme. The rhyme being internal throughout. The four quatrains lend the poem a pleasantly compact appearance that would have been lost had it been set out, as it could have been, in rhyming couplets of iambic tetrameter.
The layout selected allows the poem to be considered in a single glance as a whole, a poetic "photograph" of the poet's feelings lying in the midst of this idyllic scene. That effect would have been lost in a meandering eight quatrains of tetrameters.
Less effective I felt was the rather too brilliant lime green background. something a little less in-your-face, more subdued I thought might have been appropriate.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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An unusual but remarkably effective layout is used here with iambic octameters and no end rhyme. The rhyme being internal throughout. The four quatrains lend the poem a pleasantly compact appearance that would have been lost had it been set out, as it could have been, in rhyming couplets of iambic tetrameter.
The layout selected allows the poem to be considered in a single glance as a whole, a poetic "photograph" of the poet's feelings lying in the midst of this idyllic scene. That effect would have been lost in a meandering eight quatrains of tetrameters.
Less effective I felt was the rather too brilliant lime green background. something a little less in-your-face, more subdued I thought might have been appropriate.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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Hi Pantygynt, Thank you for your review and guideance throughout this I understand Iambic otameter much better now and am pleased your thought my layout was effective. I had doubted the bright green background and have lessened it a bit but wanted to highlight the Green feel as much as possible so I did play around with other combinations but came back to this choice and hoped people would forgive my green accent for this. But I do understand what your mean so thanks for that. Much appreciate your time to read my work Cheers Christine😃
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really lovely, Christine. You captured the peace and tranquillity perfectly in your well written poem. Your rhyme and rhythm is superb, and flowed beautifully. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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That was really lovely, Christine. You captured the peace and tranquillity perfectly in your well written poem. Your rhyme and rhythm is superb, and flowed beautifully. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 02-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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Hi Sandra, Thanks you for your great review and kind words for this challenge poem I found this peaceful to write and enjoyed the satisfaction of trying to make it rhyme and flow. As always many Cheers Christinexx
Comment from aryr
This was super enjoyable. I could close my eyes and be there. You described everything so well. It brought my senses alive. Great job, thanks.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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This was super enjoyable. I could close my eyes and be there. You described everything so well. It brought my senses alive. Great job, thanks.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi aryr. Glad you enjoyed my challenge poem It was fun to write and I am pleased you found my theme stimulating to your senses that was my aim so Thanks you for your great review . have a lovely day Cheers Christine😃
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you are most welcome
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Chrissy. Lovely work, mate and it's great to see you posting. Ah, peace, I remember that! When I read this out loud I found myself whispering, if that makes any sense.
I used to have a "secret spot," years ago, where I would do just as you say here. Beautiful and serene work.
A very nice take on this challenge.
Delia says "Kumusta" (Hi)
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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G'day Chrissy. Lovely work, mate and it's great to see you posting. Ah, peace, I remember that! When I read this out loud I found myself whispering, if that makes any sense.
I used to have a "secret spot," years ago, where I would do just as you say here. Beautiful and serene work.
A very nice take on this challenge.
Delia says "Kumusta" (Hi)
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi Fez. Thanks for having a read and sending me your thoughts for this one . yes a secret spot is nice to have and they bring back fond memories. As always great to her from you and Kumusta back to everyone Cheers my friend Christine 😀😀
Comment from Leineco
What a wonderful scene you have painted Chrissy - and the cadence you
have established acts almost like a lullaby crooning :-)
How nice it would be to find such a place. . .but wait! I think I've mapped
a few in my time!! (They are quite magical & wonderful, aren't they :-)
There was a section in the middle where you slightly contorted the syntax,
so I thought I'd offer some thoughts on untwisting it :-)
re:
With eyes now closed and for a while let tranquil beauty me beguile.
No thoughts disturb my peaceful time this new found freedom now be mine
My cares and worries drift away my soul replenish as I lay.
you might find these small changes make the "sense" of it flow a little
better:
With eyes now closed and for a while let tranquil beauty just beguile.
No thoughts disturb my peaceful time now new found freedom's truly mine
My cares and worries drift away my soul's replenished as I lay.
:-) just thoughts to consider :-)
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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What a wonderful scene you have painted Chrissy - and the cadence you
have established acts almost like a lullaby crooning :-)
How nice it would be to find such a place. . .but wait! I think I've mapped
a few in my time!! (They are quite magical & wonderful, aren't they :-)
There was a section in the middle where you slightly contorted the syntax,
so I thought I'd offer some thoughts on untwisting it :-)
re:
With eyes now closed and for a while let tranquil beauty me beguile.
No thoughts disturb my peaceful time this new found freedom now be mine
My cares and worries drift away my soul replenish as I lay.
you might find these small changes make the "sense" of it flow a little
better:
With eyes now closed and for a while let tranquil beauty just beguile.
No thoughts disturb my peaceful time now new found freedom's truly mine
My cares and worries drift away my soul's replenished as I lay.
:-) just thoughts to consider :-)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi Leineco. Thank you for your review and helpful suggestions I have taken up your suggestion related to the last line I found this worked well and do appreciate your time to assist me. I will look up syntax and try and get a better understanding of this. I really just write as I think of the lines and flow not very technical I am afraid but I am learning all the time and do appreciate help . These image are great to do as I find each one gives me an opportunity to just compose my thoughts. and I do enjoy internal rhyme and syllable structure. Again thanks and have a lovely day Cheers Christine😃😃
Comment from misscookie
Your capture not only my attention from the first line to the last.
But your words truly touched my heart and soul.
I could just vision myself laying next to you just looking at the blue sky.
Hope you enjoyed my poem as well as I did yours.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Your capture not only my attention from the first line to the last.
But your words truly touched my heart and soul.
I could just vision myself laying next to you just looking at the blue sky.
Hope you enjoyed my poem as well as I did yours.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi Cookie. For your lovely six I thanks you very much, and for your support and reviews for my poetry I am truley honoured for your time taken to read and comment . It is always pleasing to hear from you So have a lovely day my friend Cheers Christine😃😃
Comment from royowen
A beautifully peaceful meander through imagination's ideal terrain. This conjures up thoughts of meadows and peaceful, mirror like ponds, that please the turbid soul. Some wonderful internal rhyme, a marvellous rambling verse that leaves one drawn in to the exuding of the poetic description of the artwork, well done, Christine, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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A beautifully peaceful meander through imagination's ideal terrain. This conjures up thoughts of meadows and peaceful, mirror like ponds, that please the turbid soul. Some wonderful internal rhyme, a marvellous rambling verse that leaves one drawn in to the exuding of the poetic description of the artwork, well done, Christine, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi Roy. Your lovely review gladdens my heart and I am pleased you liked this and your comments invoke what I tried to convey with my words for this image so Thank you so much for your suooprt and encouragement Cheers to you Roy Always Christine😃😃
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Most welcome Christine
Comment from rspoet
This is such a calm, soothing poem
written in octameter with internal rhyme
I've often stretched out just as you describe
in tranquil repose observing the sky, clouds
and all the wonders of nature
a sanctuary in green, a daydream
that replenishes and refreshes the spirit
Excellent match of poem to picture
Very nicely done
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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This is such a calm, soothing poem
written in octameter with internal rhyme
I've often stretched out just as you describe
in tranquil repose observing the sky, clouds
and all the wonders of nature
a sanctuary in green, a daydream
that replenishes and refreshes the spirit
Excellent match of poem to picture
Very nicely done
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi rspoet. I too enjoy stretching out and enjoying all the woderful things nature can offer and this image gave me the chance to do this. You review is very much appreciated and makes me happy to have written this . Your ongoing support is so lovely and I thanks you again May you have a great day Cheers Christine Oh for a patch of green
Comment from barkingdog
Hi, Chrissy.
I really enjoyed reading your well written poem.
Your iambic octameter is perfect and you've made excellent use or enjambment to enhance the flow. Perfect rhyming quatrains.
:) e
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi, Chrissy.
I really enjoyed reading your well written poem.
Your iambic octameter is perfect and you've made excellent use or enjambment to enhance the flow. Perfect rhyming quatrains.
:) e
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi barking dog. What a lovely comment for my challenge poem . I thank you very much and so pleased you thought my iambic octameter was perfect . I enjoy these challenges and try to do justice to the image. Cheers to you for reading and revieing my work . Have a great day Christine😃😃
Comment from Liilia
What a beautifully flowing and rhyming poem this is, rich with visuals and thoughts of serenity and peace. I can see6this poem put to music and listen to it when stressed but there are no lovely green meadows within miles. This poem brings comfort and beauty to whoever reads it wherever they may be, in my humble opinion. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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What a beautifully flowing and rhyming poem this is, rich with visuals and thoughts of serenity and peace. I can see6this poem put to music and listen to it when stressed but there are no lovely green meadows within miles. This poem brings comfort and beauty to whoever reads it wherever they may be, in my humble opinion. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi Liilia. You are very welcome to my little bit of green and Thank you very much for reading and sending me your comments. They are truly appreciated . Wow a song to this wouldn't that be grand. I am so pleased you though so and send you a big Cheer from me Christine😃😃