Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Worth more than gold"Poems /stories on Fanstory
27 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
The changes in perspective in each cycle of this are most effective. One travels from the innocence of first love to the reminiscences over a path through life well-traveled. All-in-all, a delightful poem.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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The changes in perspective in each cycle of this are most effective. One travels from the innocence of first love to the reminiscences over a path through life well-traveled. All-in-all, a delightful poem.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Hi Tony . Thanks for your perspective on my poem and I am pleased you thought this a delightful poem and worthy of a review by you I do so appreciate your time and support. A challenging style not as easy as one first thought and I am still learning the requirements so that is always fun too. Many Cheers Christine
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a great Awdl Gynt. Fine job with the metre and rhymes and everlasting love is always a good theme.
Just a couple of suggestions:
can hold me close within his gaze isn't really a pure rhyme, and my guess is you can find one that still fits and works in concert with all your other pristine rhymes.
Also a couple of metre things that could use a tweak:
Memories sold to view has the emphasis on the wrong syllable and could be changed to my mem'ries sold to view. I'm not fond of elision, but sometimes it's just the thing.
And also:
friend family, everything might read better as:
my fam'ly friends and evrything.
Terrific job with your first one. I wrote a straight up Pantygynt much earlier this year and very much enjoyed the form because of its musicality with the tercet crescendo. Weeeeee.
Great job and best wishes to you in the contest. This a strong contender with a few tweaks.
Gloria
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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This is a great Awdl Gynt. Fine job with the metre and rhymes and everlasting love is always a good theme.
Just a couple of suggestions:
can hold me close within his gaze isn't really a pure rhyme, and my guess is you can find one that still fits and works in concert with all your other pristine rhymes.
Also a couple of metre things that could use a tweak:
Memories sold to view has the emphasis on the wrong syllable and could be changed to my mem'ries sold to view. I'm not fond of elision, but sometimes it's just the thing.
And also:
friend family, everything might read better as:
my fam'ly friends and evrything.
Terrific job with your first one. I wrote a straight up Pantygynt much earlier this year and very much enjoyed the form because of its musicality with the tercet crescendo. Weeeeee.
Great job and best wishes to you in the contest. This a strong contender with a few tweaks.
Gloria
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Hi Gloria. really appreciate your review and helpful suggestions. I have already changed a couple of these lines as suggested by the CEC so my poem could meet requirement so At this stage I will keep it as is but bear in mind your tips for next time so thanks heaps I always admire your work and thanful for your support of my work. I found this quite challenging and am still learning about stressed and unstressed syllable and wish I could find a really good site to check my work on but have had no luck and as Ia m Australian we dont use the suggested dictionary that this site uses so it make it a bit hard to comply at times. I did d however enjoy writing this and was pretty pleased with the lovely response so far. and have learnt quite a bit through the process As alway many Cheers Christine
Comment from RoostyNester
What a wonderful legacy! To grow old with few regrets! How many would envy this! All our lives we are given choices to make. When God leads, even though we stray, He will always lead us back to the right path! He gives us choices...but we make them! A wonderful life is one filled with happy memories! Your poem shows this! I loved your awdl gynt poem! Well done!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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What a wonderful legacy! To grow old with few regrets! How many would envy this! All our lives we are given choices to make. When God leads, even though we stray, He will always lead us back to the right path! He gives us choices...but we make them! A wonderful life is one filled with happy memories! Your poem shows this! I loved your awdl gynt poem! Well done!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi RoostyNester. Thank you very much for reading my poem I am glad you like this as I enjoyed writing it also I tried to follow all requirements it is tricky though trying to get the stressed and unstressed syllables in the right place . I do have a happy life and feel lucky with my lot Cheers Christine😃
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the first line to the last.
Your word touched me deeply
because those are the memories I feel is worth more then gold too.
Thank you for sharing there are some things money can't buy.
Cookie
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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You captured my attention from the first line to the last.
Your word touched me deeply
because those are the memories I feel is worth more then gold too.
Thank you for sharing there are some things money can't buy.
Cookie
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Cookie. Thanks again for your lovely words and support and I have lots of wonderful memories and no money can,t by these so thought I would try my first Auld Gynt poem quite challenging but fun to try. hope all is well with you Cheers Christine😃
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You're very welcome, all well with me so far this morning.
You have a nice day.
Cookie
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I think you have done a really good job of this Awdl Gynt poem, you are braver than I am. I love the style and your presentation is excellent. Your words, those are really lovely, you've more or less taken us through your life, and it seems you've had a really happy one, with lots of lovely memories. You wrote it in Awld Gynt's form so well, I can only say, well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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I think you have done a really good job of this Awdl Gynt poem, you are braver than I am. I love the style and your presentation is excellent. Your words, those are really lovely, you've more or less taken us through your life, and it seems you've had a really happy one, with lots of lovely memories. You wrote it in Awld Gynt's form so well, I can only say, well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Sandra, Thanks for your encouragement and this is not as easy as first thought but I had a go and still need to tweek a couple of lines to fit contest criteria. However I dont want to lose the meaning of my theme and yes I am very lucky in my life so it is always great to look back on how things have turned out. I always appreciate your comments as I love your work so Thanks again Cheers Christinexx😃
Comment from Dean Kuch
Awdl Gynt poem or no, Chrissy, I can tell you this much.
It's wonderfully well rhymed, beautifully expressed sentiments in poetry.
I wouldn't know an Awdl Gynt from an Addled Gent, but I DO know what I like and what moves me.
You can list this lovely, melancholy musing you've created in both aforementioned categories for me.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Awdl Gynt poem or no, Chrissy, I can tell you this much.
It's wonderfully well rhymed, beautifully expressed sentiments in poetry.
I wouldn't know an Awdl Gynt from an Addled Gent, but I DO know what I like and what moves me.
You can list this lovely, melancholy musing you've created in both aforementioned categories for me.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Dean, Thanks very much for having a read and I can tell you it was an interesting write trying to get all the rhymes etc in the right place ( still have to tweek a couple of lines for contest rules.) I'm not very good at working out what is a stressed or unstressed syllable in relation to metrical requirements I guess it is all in the learning though. Enjoyed the challenge and you words of encouragement make me happy Many Cheers for your support Christine😃
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You are more than welcome, Christine.
The poem read very well to me.
~Dean
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Cheers
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Chrissy. This is beautifully done. A touching poem of love and longevity. The form seems correct to me. Smooth and clear with good rhyming and content. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Chrissy. This is beautifully done. A touching poem of love and longevity. The form seems correct to me. Smooth and clear with good rhyming and content. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Marilyn. Thank you so much for such an honour for my first AuldGynt poem. I found this a challenge to get it to meet requirements and still learning . so your lovely comments are appreciated . Still have to just tweek 2 lines to change the stresses but content remains the same. ( The CEC are strict) But it is all in the learning and I am enjoying the challenge. Many Thanks for your wonderful review Have a great day Cheers Christine😀😀
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Hi Chrissy. I know what you mean as I entered, too. Had to fix a couple of things also. Interesting and fun form, but it was a challenge to work out. Good luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment from Irish Rain
Just lovely! A life well lived! Very few people can say that, and review their lives with no regrets, you have certainly been blessed....loved this....blessings....
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Just lovely! A life well lived! Very few people can say that, and review their lives with no regrets, you have certainly been blessed....loved this....blessings....
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Irish Rain . Thanks for your very nice review and rating I am so pleased and yes I have few regrets minor ones anyway and feel blessed to have had such a great life with dear friends ans wonderful family so this was easy to write in content, a challenge in requirement but fun to try Cheers Christine😃
Comment from Pantygynt
Technically, as far as the cross rhymes go you have this perfectly. Well done not many get it right first time, including me. Lol. I have said, and I created the form, that I have no objection to minor variations in meter, feminine endindgs, metrical substitutionsbut that was not included in the contest rules so you may find your two metric substitutions, below, are frowned upon.
"precious memories now so rare;" I have no objection to a metrical substitution but this line is catalectic trochaic -- DUM da, DUM da, DUM da, DUM.
As is this,
"family, friends, and my offspring" Actually I like this variation of the form on this penultimate line of the stanza
But I am not sure about this one "memories sold to view." Could be one too many.
Content is fine. This is a new form looking for the right content so anything goew for the moment. I think this is the first romantic one I've seen.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Technically, as far as the cross rhymes go you have this perfectly. Well done not many get it right first time, including me. Lol. I have said, and I created the form, that I have no objection to minor variations in meter, feminine endindgs, metrical substitutionsbut that was not included in the contest rules so you may find your two metric substitutions, below, are frowned upon.
"precious memories now so rare;" I have no objection to a metrical substitution but this line is catalectic trochaic -- DUM da, DUM da, DUM da, DUM.
As is this,
"family, friends, and my offspring" Actually I like this variation of the form on this penultimate line of the stanza
But I am not sure about this one "memories sold to view." Could be one too many.
Content is fine. This is a new form looking for the right content so anything goew for the moment. I think this is the first romantic one I've seen.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Panytgynt (Jim) Many thanks for reading and reviewing my Auld Gynt content entry and your feedback is much appreciated. I read a couple of examples and thought I would have a try and your words are encouraging so that is a good start.
I still struggle with the stressed and unstressed words and iambic meter da DUM da DUM etc a d usually go on how they sound to me perhaps it is my Aussie accent that teips me up and I try to get it right but still have to alter those lines you have commented on ( except memories sold to view That was Ok) I have made a change in the others bit stil not sure if they are right.
I spend most of my time using my fingers to count out the syllables LOL at least I exercise my joints Ha Ha
However I did enjoy this challenge and one day will get it perfect always happy to learn though
Thanks for your support Jim Cheers Christine
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Certainly national and regional accents impinge considerably on both rhyme and meter and when I am aware of a writer's origin I try to read their work aloud in that regional accent if I can. I haven't been exposed to Strine for many years so I must be a little rusty. Lol.
Comment from aryr
This was great reading and very enjoyable. I am by no means a poet but it looks like it fits the format. It was easy to read and to understand. It cover the span of life nicely. It sounds as if you were truly blessed, good job, thanks.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This was great reading and very enjoyable. I am by no means a poet but it looks like it fits the format. It was easy to read and to understand. It cover the span of life nicely. It sounds as if you were truly blessed, good job, thanks.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi aryr. I am pleased you found my poem enjoyable and yes I am blessed with a good life and friends and family who indulge my poetry. I found this challenging but enjoyable to write and Thank You very much for reading and reviewing this entry Cheers Christine
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You are so very welcome.
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Cheers ++