Syria 2016
A Triolet for the contest45 total reviews
Comment from Treischel
A thought provoking socially based Triolet about how weapons from third parties escalate and extent conflicts. You make a very valid point. This form's repeats, drive it hone. A strong poetic observation.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
  |
A thought provoking socially based Triolet about how weapons from third parties escalate and extent conflicts. You make a very valid point. This form's repeats, drive it hone. A strong poetic observation.
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Thanks, Tom. Hard to find something worth repeating - unless it's a love song of course!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A very moving triolet Tony on this terrible waste of life and country. Some countries have a history of almost continuous war how do they live with it? Good luck with the contest.
cheers,
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
A very moving triolet Tony on this terrible waste of life and country. Some countries have a history of almost continuous war how do they live with it? Good luck with the contest.
cheers,
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Thank you, Pearl. It says much for the indestructible spirit of mankind that there are still people who survive all of this and go on to rebuild their lives. Tragically, with so many affected in this war, there will be few who have that chance.
Comment from closetpoetjester
Well I've not seen a Triolet of this calibur for some time Tony and I love the way you've put a serious subject through a Triolet workout and reiterated the facts that need attention.
I heard the Yanks have supplied artillery in a roundabout way to the ones they are bombing awhile back...seems kind of ironic and bloody pointless to me.
Anyway, your poem is poignant and leaves a residual effect and after taste that should have many striving for peace and an end to all this bloodshed and violence. We can only hope.
Well penned, as always, your meter is faultless.
Hugs P x
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
Well I've not seen a Triolet of this calibur for some time Tony and I love the way you've put a serious subject through a Triolet workout and reiterated the facts that need attention.
I heard the Yanks have supplied artillery in a roundabout way to the ones they are bombing awhile back...seems kind of ironic and bloody pointless to me.
Anyway, your poem is poignant and leaves a residual effect and after taste that should have many striving for peace and an end to all this bloodshed and violence. We can only hope.
Well penned, as always, your meter is faultless.
Hugs P x
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Thanks, P. I didn't want to labour the point here - but the Americans are heavily into the arms trade - along with several other nations. I find it ironic when they promote themselves as peacemakers. They've also got an uncanny knack of backing the wrong side to suit short-term self interest.
Comment from tony bronk
A very good, significant, poignant poem concerning Syria and its long time senseless bloodshed of the innocent, esp. the children. Excellent write. Tony Bronk Wisconsin
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
|
A very good, significant, poignant poem concerning Syria and its long time senseless bloodshed of the innocent, esp. the children. Excellent write. Tony Bronk Wisconsin
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
-
Thanks, Tony. It's a crazy world.
Comment from strandregs
Absolutely fabulous.
I feel you should put the word friends in parenthesis
or whatever it is you put this sort of thing in.
because they are not really friends.
evocative and appauling and belly upsetting.:-)) Z.
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
|
Absolutely fabulous.
I feel you should put the word friends in parenthesis
or whatever it is you put this sort of thing in.
because they are not really friends.
evocative and appauling and belly upsetting.:-)) Z.
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
-
Thanks, Z. I did consider putting 'friends' in parenthesis, but then decided that the oxymoron was stronger without.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Your Triolet poem and picture speak volumes, Tony! First, the picture, this innocent child's eyes draws the reader in and holds them, so that one is compelled to read what follows. Second, your poem ... "such waste of life, so many tears" (my fave line) ... this line tugs at the reader's heart to think of all the innocent people, such as this little one pictured, who have to endure horrible things on a daily basis.
Well done, Tony. Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
|
Your Triolet poem and picture speak volumes, Tony! First, the picture, this innocent child's eyes draws the reader in and holds them, so that one is compelled to read what follows. Second, your poem ... "such waste of life, so many tears" (my fave line) ... this line tugs at the reader's heart to think of all the innocent people, such as this little one pictured, who have to endure horrible things on a daily basis.
Well done, Tony. Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
-
Many thanks, Connie. The innocence of that particular refugee girl seemed the perfect foil to this poem, to drive home the point.
Comment from NJK62
Hello, Tony.
Because of weapons friends supplied,
this war's dragged on for five long years, ( I like the way this line ends in three stresses. It gives echoes and thereby gives emphasis to the length of the war.)
and countless innocents have died (the consonance of 'countless innocents' helps to convey the notion of unmerited suffering.)
because of weapons friends supplied. (The repetition is highly effective in making the statement more ironic each time we hear it. 'Friends' would not act in this way.)
The allies rage on either side; (The image of 'rage' suggest the violence but also resonates and echoes the reader's (and poet's) feelings at this situation.)
such waste of life, so many tears. (The caesura conveys the emotion of this liner: you almost hear the sob between its two parts.)
Because of weapons friends supplied,
this war's dragged on for five long years.
A direct, deceptively simple poem that conveys strongly the poet's o0utrage at the situation he describes. Thanks for sharing it with us. Nigel.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
Hello, Tony.
Because of weapons friends supplied,
this war's dragged on for five long years, ( I like the way this line ends in three stresses. It gives echoes and thereby gives emphasis to the length of the war.)
and countless innocents have died (the consonance of 'countless innocents' helps to convey the notion of unmerited suffering.)
because of weapons friends supplied. (The repetition is highly effective in making the statement more ironic each time we hear it. 'Friends' would not act in this way.)
The allies rage on either side; (The image of 'rage' suggest the violence but also resonates and echoes the reader's (and poet's) feelings at this situation.)
such waste of life, so many tears. (The caesura conveys the emotion of this liner: you almost hear the sob between its two parts.)
Because of weapons friends supplied,
this war's dragged on for five long years.
A direct, deceptively simple poem that conveys strongly the poet's o0utrage at the situation he describes. Thanks for sharing it with us. Nigel.
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Many thanks, Nigel, for reading so closely and offering this detailed and useful critique.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
I am against fighting of any kind and the feeding of hate and conflict between people. The providing of guns to these fighting factions seem senseless to me.
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
|
I am against fighting of any kind and the feeding of hate and conflict between people. The providing of guns to these fighting factions seem senseless to me.
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
-
Many thanks, Sandra. Senseless, indeed.
Comment from Aussie
Beautiful photo to compliment your story/poem. Pray for the innocents. Women and children, war isn't choosy in killing either. Man's inhumanity to man. Every country that will open their doors, we do in Australia; and still they come. Only God can put a stop to this horrific slaughter - what for? We say. XX
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
 |
Beautiful photo to compliment your story/poem. Pray for the innocents. Women and children, war isn't choosy in killing either. Man's inhumanity to man. Every country that will open their doors, we do in Australia; and still they come. Only God can put a stop to this horrific slaughter - what for? We say. XX
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
-
Thanks very much, Aussie, for your review and six stars. It is a crazy world. When one reads figures like this, the help that individual counties can give seems insignificant. But it isn't. Every life counts.
Comment from michaelcahill
Man oh man. Is that ever a devastating line. Because of the weapons friends supplied. For once I didn't have to scroll back to make sure I had it correctly. I won't forget it for a while. I doubt I'll run across a more effective line to repeat. A powerful piece and I'm guessing a certain finalist. Good luck with this. I really think it belongs in the placements. mikey
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
|
Man oh man. Is that ever a devastating line. Because of the weapons friends supplied. For once I didn't have to scroll back to make sure I had it correctly. I won't forget it for a while. I doubt I'll run across a more effective line to repeat. A powerful piece and I'm guessing a certain finalist. Good luck with this. I really think it belongs in the placements. mikey
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
-
Thanks, Mikey. Sometimes I do wonder at the craziness of this world. Wish I'd written something as good as Gloria's last!
-
Yep. She's awesome, isn't she? You're no slouch yourself, Tony. :))