Life's Observations and Reflections
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "White Shores"This is my prologue for the NaPoWriMo 2016 (30 Poe
13 total reviews
Comment from royowen
A very sweetly composed work, and a great entry in this repetition poetry contest. Nice repetition in the first line of each stanza. Articulate presentation, nicely scanned and fluid narrative, with abcb rhyming, well done, good luck, blessings. Roy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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A very sweetly composed work, and a great entry in this repetition poetry contest. Nice repetition in the first line of each stanza. Articulate presentation, nicely scanned and fluid narrative, with abcb rhyming, well done, good luck, blessings. Roy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much, Roy, for your kind and generous review. Warmest regards :o)
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Most welcome
Comment from William Ross
This is good the white shores are calling me, good job on this repetition poem for the prompt Great job and rhyme . good luck on this and have a nice day
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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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This is good the white shores are calling me, good job on this repetition poem for the prompt Great job and rhyme . good luck on this and have a nice day
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much, William, for your kind and generous review. Warmest regards :o)
Comment from NJK62
This is an excellent poem. The repetition is a strongest feature and successfully evokes a sense of longing and the comfort of reminiscence. Furthermore, the beauty of the memories are enhanced by some judicious use of alliteration (e.g. 'soft silken sand') and through some imaginative and apt imagery. In the case of the latter I particularly liked 'own rhythm we swayed'; it captures the harmony of the relationship and happiness with its connotations of dancing. You might, however, like to look at the repetition of 'sand' in lines 2 and 3 of stanza 2: it spoils the flow. This is a small point, however, in an other wise excellent poem. Thanks for sharing it with us. Nigel.
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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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This is an excellent poem. The repetition is a strongest feature and successfully evokes a sense of longing and the comfort of reminiscence. Furthermore, the beauty of the memories are enhanced by some judicious use of alliteration (e.g. 'soft silken sand') and through some imaginative and apt imagery. In the case of the latter I particularly liked 'own rhythm we swayed'; it captures the harmony of the relationship and happiness with its connotations of dancing. You might, however, like to look at the repetition of 'sand' in lines 2 and 3 of stanza 2: it spoils the flow. This is a small point, however, in an other wise excellent poem. Thanks for sharing it with us. Nigel.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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Hi Nigel. thank you so much for your wonderful review and your constructive criticism, which was very helpful. You know how it is, you change a line here and there... and miss that duplication. I have now changed stanza 2, and have made lines 2 and 3:
Back to its soft silken sand
Where barefoot we kicked some shells with our toes
Thank you again, and warmest regards. :o)
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Glad my comment was helpful. Nigel.