Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Hahaha! You certainly put a twist on this much adored love story. I'm not sure how you got Carmen in there? Didn't she have her own opera to star in? No matter, this was a fun story twist where the girls ditched Romeo for their own private fun.

Best wishes in this contest. You have terrific iambic pentameter. Good rhymes - I especially liked your life and knife combo. So many folks like the life and strife combo, but I don't. Nice turn in the first sonnet using the "yet" word. Excellent turn in the second sonnet with a unique and smooth result. Good closing couplets for both sonnets.

Best wishes in the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

Thanks so much, Joy, for the thorough and thoughtful review. I guess Romeo should have taken heed of the old saying "be careful what you wish for". Much appreciated, Craig

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A well written double sonnet how Romeo and Juliet would handle unfaithfulness. Before Romeo have a chance Juliet took the prize he had his eyes on for hersekf. Hahahaha

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

Thank you, Sandra, for the kind comments. Much appreciated. Craig

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

It looks as though Juliet got the last laugh. "What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander", as they say! Delightfully constructed sonnets, each with a smooth turn in the third stanza, and a clever connection between the two to drive home the humour. I thoroughly enjoyed these. The sonnet is as its best, I think, when it contains a little barb in its tail!

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

Thanks so much for the lovely review. Glad you enjoyed :) Craig

Comment from scd41

Excellent

What an interesting twist to an innocuous request made by Romeo! In the double sonnets, the humor got doubled when Juliet gave back more than what Romeo was expecting. Even the readers were not expecting this fabulous punch line.

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

Thanks for the kind remarks, which are much appreciated. Craig

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

I like this poem. So, Romeo got shafted because of a girl. I bet Shakespeare didn't see that coming lol. Great take on a classic story. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

Thanks for the kind words, and good wishes. Much appreciated. Craig

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

LOL - What a clever write this is. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

You maintained the rhythm throughout and each stanza was strong, although I have to say the next to last is my favorite. Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

Thanks, Lou, for the fun review. Much appreciated, Craig

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Hahaha...

Well, I suppose Romeo should have left well enough alone and simply been satisfied with the womanly wiles and sexual favors of either Juliette or Carmen, rather than wishing, and ultimately asking, for a me'nage a' trois. His greed for lust has earned him nothing more than a dual performance, yet though I'm quite sure it will be a grand dual performance indeed, it's one Romeo is going to be spectator of--on the outside looking in--rather than an active participant.

Excellent sonnets, Craig, on both counts...

Bravo.

~Dean

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

LOL Dean - I'm afraid he got more than he bargained for - he's been banned. Not even a spectator sport ;-) Thanks for the great review.

Craig

Comment from lightink

Excellent

WOW! I need to pick up my jaw from the floor... You did not! They did not! She did not! Just wow!
It started out as an innocent little piece but the first turn brought an absolutely devilish twist to it! The closing couplet left me speechless for a little while!
What a punch line! With PERFECT wording, I would add! It's lofty, romantic - very Shakespearean - then, it turned into the best satire ever! You might have a winning piece here!

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016

I'm afraid I did - they did. I guess I must have been in a bit of a devilish mood this morning ;-)

Thanks. lightink, for the lovely review. It was the kind of reaction I was hoping for.

Much appreciated!

Craig

Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Craig,

Well, you are a brave one! I actually enjoyed reading your
double sonnet. I'm not really a fan of the form, so I can't
comment other to say that it was a smooth read with wit
and creativity...unforced rhymes and I really like the
approach you took with this.

Linda

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016

Thanks, Linda. I have no shame, I'll try almost anything once :) I'm glad you liked it, even though, as you say, you aren't really into sonnets. Much appreciated! Craig

Comment from PoemsOfDD

Excellent

CD Richards, I think you have done an excellent job writing this sonnet. You have stuck to the guidelines and painted a very solid picture giving two peoples perspective of their relationship. Romeo and Juliet of course :-)
You have rhymed this sonnet perfectly and added wit to it which is right up my alley. If you don't mind me saying,
I only have one comment which is just my personal opinion. Because of the way it is written and starts off at the beginning with "...thou art..." my mind pictured back in that Shakespearean era. However, when I read Juliet's perspective on where she met Carmen - at the "store" it ruined the Shakespearean atmosphere. The word 'store' seemed out of place to me. Apart from that I really enjoyed this read. I thought it cleverly thought out with a wicked modern day twist or is that tryst? I say modern day but maybe that sort of thing happened a lot back in those days :-) Thanks for a very fine read ~ DD

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016

Thank you, PoemsofDD, for the insightful review. I have to accept your criticism regarding the use of "store". It seemed a little incongruous to me, but I'm sure they had something similar in Shakespeare's time. Market, perhaps? But that doesn't scan. I'll give it some thought and see what I can come up with. Much appreciated - Craig

reply by the author on 06-Apr-2016

OK, sorted I think. Thanks again for the tip :)

reply by PoemsOfDD on 06-Apr-2016

Hi Craig, just throwing another option at you -
"We met at the market place t'other day"
Food for thought ~DD