Comment from Dav54

Excellent

Great poem! The emotion comes across very clearly! Even though it was free verse (which I like), the structure you provided works exceptionally well! The lines, "I could never do anything right" were spaced perfectly--very powerful!

I wonder if the period that ends "When he beat me." is intentional. It might be more effective if there were not any punctuation there? (But leave the lines and spacing as you have them--it's great!) And speaking of powerful, the last line really hits home.

Love the poem. Thanks for posting it!

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2016

Thank you Dav54. I originally wrote it without punctuation. But then put it in. I liked it with punctuation better. Go figure.

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

There are worse kinds but that is quite enough for me. A powerful bit of free verse. Hypocrisy is - well don't do as I do, do as I say. It sucks. Free verse does anger pretty well, it keeps it raw and doesn't prettify it. I am sorry tyo hear about your sad past, but well. It's over now.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2016

Thank you Pantygynt. Yes, childhood is definitely in the rear view mirror.

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

This is well written emotional piece. That certainly is hypocrisy. I like the two columns of writing though for effect you could put all the good one side and all the bad of the other. Just a suggestion but it is great as it is.

teresa

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 Comment Written 19-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2016

Thank you Teresa. I thought about that, but didn't like the balance.