Miscellaneous stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "By Siding Spring"Fiction and non-fiction prose
16 total reviews
Comment from ~Dovey
Ohhh... and so it begins. I'm excited to read what will come next. This is an awesome 'hook' into your story. You left the reader with a sense of anticipation and enough curiosity that we'll be throwing things at you if you don't crank some chapters out, soon! ;) Good luck in the contest, Craig.
Kim
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Ohhh... and so it begins. I'm excited to read what will come next. This is an awesome 'hook' into your story. You left the reader with a sense of anticipation and enough curiosity that we'll be throwing things at you if you don't crank some chapters out, soon! ;) Good luck in the contest, Craig.
Kim
Comment Written 16-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Thanks for the lovely comments and the good wishes Kim. Much appreciated, as always :)
Craig
Comment from --Turtle.
Things I thought as the thoughts came:
This was a compelling novel snap-shot, the title could be stronger, perhaps; love the use of occupations to give grounding of the characters without too much details on them.... a supernatural? mystery... engaging thriller, like the potential of rising body counts, it ups the stakes with the curiosity of changing the course of humanity.... a little weird that history would be altered, gives a sense of possible time travel involved, instead of 'ghosts'; husband and wife duo could be fun... instead of singles hooking up... guy gets the girl setup. tee-hee, unless the husband bites the dust and the teacher gets the girl.
Great format/flow of information, to build up. concisely written. Solid use of strong verbs and enough adjectives to pepper the tone without inundating the snappy need of a book brief.
The only thing I paused on as a tricky sentence.
Six hours drive away,
The drive was six hours
That's a six-hour drive.
Six hours of driving
Maybe it should be:
A six-hour drive away?
I actually don't know... it might be correct as is. I just paused to think about it and couldn't come to a conclusion of certainty either way. tricky phrase, that one.
I think the title of the novel could use work, but the compelling stable snap shot was super well written.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Things I thought as the thoughts came:
This was a compelling novel snap-shot, the title could be stronger, perhaps; love the use of occupations to give grounding of the characters without too much details on them.... a supernatural? mystery... engaging thriller, like the potential of rising body counts, it ups the stakes with the curiosity of changing the course of humanity.... a little weird that history would be altered, gives a sense of possible time travel involved, instead of 'ghosts'; husband and wife duo could be fun... instead of singles hooking up... guy gets the girl setup. tee-hee, unless the husband bites the dust and the teacher gets the girl.
Great format/flow of information, to build up. concisely written. Solid use of strong verbs and enough adjectives to pepper the tone without inundating the snappy need of a book brief.
The only thing I paused on as a tricky sentence.
Six hours drive away,
The drive was six hours
That's a six-hour drive.
Six hours of driving
Maybe it should be:
A six-hour drive away?
I actually don't know... it might be correct as is. I just paused to think about it and couldn't come to a conclusion of certainty either way. tricky phrase, that one.
I think the title of the novel could use work, but the compelling stable snap shot was super well written.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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I'll definitely give the title a fair bit of thought, since it definitely has the potential to make or break a novel. I was hoping the one offered might be taken as "understated", but who am I kidding? ;-) Perhaps "The Ghosts of Siding Springs" (not that it would have to involve literal ghosts)? I don't know, I will wrestle with it some.
I've changed the "six hours" thing as you suggested.
Thanks for the invaluable input, and the lovely review, Turtle.
Craig
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
now this sounds like a corker of a read. Right up my street. you did a great job enticing the reader in with enough breadcrumbs but not too much.
Nice work.
GMG
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Hi there,
now this sounds like a corker of a read. Right up my street. you did a great job enticing the reader in with enough breadcrumbs but not too much.
Nice work.
GMG
Comment Written 16-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Thanks for the kind review, GMG. Glad it sounds like something you'd like to read.
Craig
Comment from Liberty Justice
Awesome! You are such a teaser. Your story took off like a cannon, filled with strange anticipatiin from a weird phone call. Highly suspenceful waiting to hear more! liberty justice
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Awesome! You are such a teaser. Your story took off like a cannon, filled with strange anticipatiin from a weird phone call. Highly suspenceful waiting to hear more! liberty justice
Comment Written 16-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Thanks so much for the great review Liberty Justice.I hope not to disappoint! Much appreciated.
Craig
Comment from Eric1
Hi C D Richards, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, you have certainly grabbed my attention and I would read the book based on this, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Hi C D Richards, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, you have certainly grabbed my attention and I would read the book based on this, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Thanks very much for the good wishes Eric, and for the complimentary comments too. Both are much appreciated!
Craig
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You are really welcome my friend.
Comment from I am Cat
Ooooo, I wish o had a six to award this. You've grabbed my attention!
I'm ready for the novel is it finished?
Lol
The only objection I have is to the word "whilst" yet I realize it's a cultural thing I don't recognize nor accept it as a "real" and acceptable word! Lol
(How very closed minded of me, eh? I'd never rate down for it, I just really find it sort of pretentious. Why not just say, while?)
Lol
At any rate, it's fine, I'm just hitching. I love this and it's definitely six worthy I just don't have one dammit!
Now go write it so I can buy and read it!
Lol
Well done!
Cat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Ooooo, I wish o had a six to award this. You've grabbed my attention!
I'm ready for the novel is it finished?
Lol
The only objection I have is to the word "whilst" yet I realize it's a cultural thing I don't recognize nor accept it as a "real" and acceptable word! Lol
(How very closed minded of me, eh? I'd never rate down for it, I just really find it sort of pretentious. Why not just say, while?)
Lol
At any rate, it's fine, I'm just hitching. I love this and it's definitely six worthy I just don't have one dammit!
Now go write it so I can buy and read it!
Lol
Well done!
Cat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2015
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Thanks so much, Cat, for the lovely review. Whilst I find nothing wrong with the offending word (*wink*), I've changed it, just for you hehe
Your encouraging words are greatly appreciated (verily!).
Craig
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LOL, well, aren't you amazing! ;) Just for little old me? LOL
mwah! thanks Craig. I feel so special. lol