Alouette, gentille alouette
An Alouette for the contest14 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Eloquent and meaningful poem, my friend. A super strong entry for this contest. Finely rhymed (though I usually try to avoid rhyming life and strife, it works fine here). Fine fluid flow and cadences...and superb poetic devices, especially the consonance of L and F and K and alliteration of B and S and W in first stanza.
*One spag suggestions here:
Clip wings of the child
lest he becomes wild
and sings(SING) the songs of the free.
LOVE THIS PART:
Bend him to your lies,
but still the song flies
with truth, that all men may see.
LOVE this rhyme pair:
A deep oubliette
won't make men forget
and this too:
for evil can't quell
the musical swell
Pitch perfect closing note:
of tunes that banish the dark.
In spite of that one spag...this is six-worthy with combined finesse in both craft and art (meaning). Bravo
This is deliciously lyrical and lovely to read aloud! Tongue candy and mind candy too.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Eloquent and meaningful poem, my friend. A super strong entry for this contest. Finely rhymed (though I usually try to avoid rhyming life and strife, it works fine here). Fine fluid flow and cadences...and superb poetic devices, especially the consonance of L and F and K and alliteration of B and S and W in first stanza.
*One spag suggestions here:
Clip wings of the child
lest he becomes wild
and sings(SING) the songs of the free.
LOVE THIS PART:
Bend him to your lies,
but still the song flies
with truth, that all men may see.
LOVE this rhyme pair:
A deep oubliette
won't make men forget
and this too:
for evil can't quell
the musical swell
Pitch perfect closing note:
of tunes that banish the dark.
In spite of that one spag...this is six-worthy with combined finesse in both craft and art (meaning). Bravo
This is deliciously lyrical and lovely to read aloud! Tongue candy and mind candy too.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Many thanks, RD, both for your review and the six stars. I had originally written 'lest he become wild / and sing the songs...' and then changed it. However, on reflection I think you are right. My schoolboy grammar is a bit rusty, but I think this is an instance of the future conditional, with 'should' or 'will' understood. Would you agree that both 'becomes' and 'sings' need changing?
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Yes! I meant to write that for becomes too but overlooked it somehow!
:-))
Comment from NJK62
Hello, Tony! You have produced another triumph that celebrates the value and enduring quality of song. You suggest that song's value lies in the fact that it can't be repressed ('still the song flies') and the best of song, like all art, captures enduring 'truths' (like your poetry!). The poem reminds us of the cruelty of those in power who seek to repress truth in the images of 'oubliette', 'pluck', 'bend', 'evil' and 'dark'. Furthermore, you remind us that it is 'truth' that sets us free through the images of freedom and imprisonment. (e.g. 'oubliette', 'clip the wings'). The form is exploited powerfully throughout, the seven syllable line with their suspended rhymes, giving particular emphasis to the key line in the poem. This must be a very strong entry for the competition. I wish you well. Nigel.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Hello, Tony! You have produced another triumph that celebrates the value and enduring quality of song. You suggest that song's value lies in the fact that it can't be repressed ('still the song flies') and the best of song, like all art, captures enduring 'truths' (like your poetry!). The poem reminds us of the cruelty of those in power who seek to repress truth in the images of 'oubliette', 'pluck', 'bend', 'evil' and 'dark'. Furthermore, you remind us that it is 'truth' that sets us free through the images of freedom and imprisonment. (e.g. 'oubliette', 'clip the wings'). The form is exploited powerfully throughout, the seven syllable line with their suspended rhymes, giving particular emphasis to the key line in the poem. This must be a very strong entry for the competition. I wish you well. Nigel.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you for reviewing this one, Nigel. Having been off-site for a while, I am more or less bankrupt in terms of members' cents. That being so, I am doubly appreciative that you dropped by to read and review. As always a penetrating analysis! Many thanks, too, for the six stars.
p.s. I'm pinning my hopes on $100 with just about the same degree of optimism that tempts me, occasionally, to buy a lottery ticket!
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You definitely deserve it!
Comment from I am Cat
("Little skylark, lovely little skylark,
Little skylark, I'll pluck your feathers off.")
Seriously? That's what we sang?????? Yikes! That's very.....
distasteful :( ug
lol
the first part of the first stanza, I was like.. NO! and then:
but songs have a life
beyond all the strife,
and hearts that are free still sing.
(I'm shouting... YES!)
same with the second... the first half... I'm... wtf?
the second:
Bend him to your lies,
but still the song flies
with truth, that all men may see.
(take that!) ;)
A deep oubliette
won't make men forget
the skies that once held a lark,
for evil can't quell
the musical swell
of tunes that banish the dark.
This last stanza is so wonderfully done... I have SO missed you and your poetry! And damn, if I'd have known that you were going to release a poem today... I would have held harder to those elusive sixes that seem to just slide out of my ever loving hands. :(
I'm so sad not to have one for this.. .I never would have thought I would have needed it for this form... I have never seen anyone write one that was profound.
well done Tony... you show, yet again, why you are a Master Wordsmith.
Amazing!
(that song... remind me not to teach it to the grandkids (if I ever get any) :(
lol
Welcome back and Happy Holidays
Cat
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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("Little skylark, lovely little skylark,
Little skylark, I'll pluck your feathers off.")
Seriously? That's what we sang?????? Yikes! That's very.....
distasteful :( ug
lol
the first part of the first stanza, I was like.. NO! and then:
but songs have a life
beyond all the strife,
and hearts that are free still sing.
(I'm shouting... YES!)
same with the second... the first half... I'm... wtf?
the second:
Bend him to your lies,
but still the song flies
with truth, that all men may see.
(take that!) ;)
A deep oubliette
won't make men forget
the skies that once held a lark,
for evil can't quell
the musical swell
of tunes that banish the dark.
This last stanza is so wonderfully done... I have SO missed you and your poetry! And damn, if I'd have known that you were going to release a poem today... I would have held harder to those elusive sixes that seem to just slide out of my ever loving hands. :(
I'm so sad not to have one for this.. .I never would have thought I would have needed it for this form... I have never seen anyone write one that was profound.
well done Tony... you show, yet again, why you are a Master Wordsmith.
Amazing!
(that song... remind me not to teach it to the grandkids (if I ever get any) :(
lol
Welcome back and Happy Holidays
Cat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Wow! Thank you, Cat! I hadn't really expected any reviews of this, putting it up without promotion. I hope you at least got a pump out of it! Yes, it's a pretty gruesome song in translation, as one gaily plucks off all the poor bird's body parts one by one. I'm only going to be on-site intermittently for the next few weeks, with so much else that needs doing at present. A very happy Christmas to you, too! Tony
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LOL, No, I didn't 'get' anything, Tony... I wasn't expecting anything. ;)
You'll have to read my prose piece, Pay It Forward, it explains it all... no need to review, it has all the reviews it needs... but it will explain everything to you. ;)
Merry Christmas Tony... thank you for all your support this year, I am very grateful. Hugs
Cat
Comment from HKay71
This is absoutely beautiful! So lyrical and profound. I love your imagery of how it's impossible to inprison a song . Simply gorgeous! I lookng forward to visiting your port to read more of your work.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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This is absoutely beautiful! So lyrical and profound. I love your imagery of how it's impossible to inprison a song . Simply gorgeous! I lookng forward to visiting your port to read more of your work.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Many thanks for this very kind review and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Tony