To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 66 "A Fickle Majesty's Rule"Free Verse Poetry
15 total reviews
Comment from Pyrrho
I imagine you had fun spinning this tale. I enjoyed it and stayed with you most of the way. It is Newton and the pebble, or was it a grain of sand? ... I forget. I am driven to write a passel here, but quit....
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I imagine you had fun spinning this tale. I enjoyed it and stayed with you most of the way. It is Newton and the pebble, or was it a grain of sand? ... I forget. I am driven to write a passel here, but quit....
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
Comment from Nicholas Ian Robertson
I enjoyed this read. Truly well written nice flow nice presentation. I have much to learn from such writers as yourself here.
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I enjoyed this read. Truly well written nice flow nice presentation. I have much to learn from such writers as yourself here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
Comment from Realist101
Geez, Mikey...this reminds me of Shakespeare. And this is also like a story too. Your form forces us to read this the way you are thinking it which is most effective. I love rain. And water. I'm a Pisces. A fish OUT of water. LOL. Nice work, and very best for your contest too! Susan
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Geez, Mikey...this reminds me of Shakespeare. And this is also like a story too. Your form forces us to read this the way you are thinking it which is most effective. I love rain. And water. I'm a Pisces. A fish OUT of water. LOL. Nice work, and very best for your contest too! Susan
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
Comment from tfawcus
Poseidon, the sleeping giant! What a masterful description of his gentler mood in:
'the roll of my waves
the slap against the sand
the churning as I mix with the shore
and the whoosh and echo of my presence'.
What I particularly like about this personification is the way you have rounded the character out and made it develop. This is so rare in the building of a metaphor.
Talking of metaphors, what could be more pleasing than this one?
' a friendly cloud to shield
but the sun squeezes and worries
it to tears'.
Your sequences of rhyme and internal rhyme have a rolling impetus which suggests the rising ire of the sea god as, with the help of the sun, he gathers the storm clouds:
'for I am wont to be so on a summer morn
torn will you be
forlorn should you be sworn'.
Clever ending supported by the cataclysmic picture. I would have preferred the shorter, more punchy 'but', however, that is a personal choice.
A nice follow up to your superb pair of sonnets, which I have read several times but am yet to review.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Poseidon, the sleeping giant! What a masterful description of his gentler mood in:
'the roll of my waves
the slap against the sand
the churning as I mix with the shore
and the whoosh and echo of my presence'.
What I particularly like about this personification is the way you have rounded the character out and made it develop. This is so rare in the building of a metaphor.
Talking of metaphors, what could be more pleasing than this one?
' a friendly cloud to shield
but the sun squeezes and worries
it to tears'.
Your sequences of rhyme and internal rhyme have a rolling impetus which suggests the rising ire of the sea god as, with the help of the sun, he gathers the storm clouds:
'for I am wont to be so on a summer morn
torn will you be
forlorn should you be sworn'.
Clever ending supported by the cataclysmic picture. I would have preferred the shorter, more punchy 'but', however, that is a personal choice.
A nice follow up to your superb pair of sonnets, which I have read several times but am yet to review.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
Comment from Gloria ....
Love the conceit of your magnificent poem, Mikey! The extended personification and metaphor that owns this poem. You have indeed invited us into a clearer understanding of what the ocean truly is up to (thinks). I shall never admire her thinking of her as serene. Mind you I never have thought the ocean as mild, so that was fun.
The ocean's contempt for the sun is evident and this is just brilliant phrasing:
and you join me, friend and companion
your smiles dance across me shimmering
I have never really considered waves as smiling, but now I shall never think of them in any other way.
This is a magnificent write of poetic genius. And the ending artwork tells of the deep foreboding power the ocean possesses should anyone cross her.
Exceptional all the way my dear. Best wishes to you in the contest.
Love you,
Gloria
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Love the conceit of your magnificent poem, Mikey! The extended personification and metaphor that owns this poem. You have indeed invited us into a clearer understanding of what the ocean truly is up to (thinks). I shall never admire her thinking of her as serene. Mind you I never have thought the ocean as mild, so that was fun.
The ocean's contempt for the sun is evident and this is just brilliant phrasing:
and you join me, friend and companion
your smiles dance across me shimmering
I have never really considered waves as smiling, but now I shall never think of them in any other way.
This is a magnificent write of poetic genius. And the ending artwork tells of the deep foreboding power the ocean possesses should anyone cross her.
Exceptional all the way my dear. Best wishes to you in the contest.
Love you,
Gloria
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015