A Very Different Christmas Day
Read notes first20 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Pat
_ This is heartwarming story from Penny's pov.
_ An excellent entry for the contest.
_ It's interesting the moments one remembers as child that can be small, but remembered in gigantic proportions later on.
<> Comma with dialogue tag
_ Christmas day. Daddy woke us and said(,) "we/We are going
<> Upper case after a dialogue tag
<> Upper case: girls/Girls
<> Upper case: we/We
_ seemed like an hour, Judy said, "we/We will let all of
_ to see her girls and said, "girls/Girls, Merry
_ Then dad said, "we/We only have two cakes,
_ Good luck in the contest.
* Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you and yours*
Cheers & Blessings...
Keep Smilin'...
Jacqueline<>Jackie<>Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
  |
Hi, Pat
_ This is heartwarming story from Penny's pov.
_ An excellent entry for the contest.
_ It's interesting the moments one remembers as child that can be small, but remembered in gigantic proportions later on.
<> Comma with dialogue tag
_ Christmas day. Daddy woke us and said(,) "we/We are going
<> Upper case after a dialogue tag
<> Upper case: girls/Girls
<> Upper case: we/We
_ seemed like an hour, Judy said, "we/We will let all of
_ to see her girls and said, "girls/Girls, Merry
_ Then dad said, "we/We only have two cakes,
_ Good luck in the contest.
* Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you and yours*
Cheers & Blessings...
Keep Smilin'...
Jacqueline<>Jackie<>Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thanks for the excellent review and the good proofing.
-
You're welcome. (*<*)
Have a great day!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a lovely Christmas story and a very nice entry into the competition. My daughter's first Christmas was spent in hospital and it was tough.
ask to speak to the nurse - asked.
Miss Judy, would we all - needs opening speech marks here.
"I will make sure the girls are quiet" - needs closing punctuation before closing speech marks.
returned the intensive care - change the for to.
GMG
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
Hi there,
This is a lovely Christmas story and a very nice entry into the competition. My daughter's first Christmas was spent in hospital and it was tough.
ask to speak to the nurse - asked.
Miss Judy, would we all - needs opening speech marks here.
"I will make sure the girls are quiet" - needs closing punctuation before closing speech marks.
returned the intensive care - change the for to.
GMG
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thanks for thee great review, For catching the problems , They have now ben corrected.
Comment from misscookie
What a wonderful Christmas story It could be a nice Christmas movie also.
The true meaning Of Christmas was shown in the compete story. Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
What a wonderful Christmas story It could be a nice Christmas movie also.
The true meaning Of Christmas was shown in the compete story. Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thanks Miss Cookie. Hope you did understand, I was writing this as if my daughter was telling the story about the Christmas day I was indeed was the mother in the story.
-
Yes I understood it was your daughter telling the story.
-
Good, some didn't, so that is why I asked.
-
You mean there are some people slower than me, WOW. LOL
Cookie
-
You are a pretty sharp Cookie. no pun intended. lol
-
Yeah, I have my mo0ments.
Just return from getting my new glasses. going to take a nap now.
Cookie
Comment from MelB
A very nice Christmas story. Even though mom was sick, it was nice that the whole family could get in to see her and spend Christmas with her. It's not where you spend Christmas, but the people you spend it with.
Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
A very nice Christmas story. Even though mom was sick, it was nice that the whole family could get in to see her and spend Christmas with her. It's not where you spend Christmas, but the people you spend it with.
Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Melissa, this was written by me in the voice of my daughter Penny, Her birthday is indeed Christmas day. I was the mother in the story and I was in the hospital with IV's running in my arm and an oxygen on me because they were dealing with a heart problem, Here I am today after having two heart attacks one in 2005 and one in 2008. I am still here and writing, so it seems evident God is not finished with me yet.
-
He is still using you! Praise God:)
Comment from OnyxSapphire78
What a wonderful story about a Christmas that was dear to you and your family. I enjoyed this very much. It sounds like you have a loving family that pitches in and helps one another in a time of need. The scene at the hospital with everyone gathered around mom was nice. This is a nice entry for the contest. Thank you for sharing. God Bless
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
What a wonderful story about a Christmas that was dear to you and your family. I enjoyed this very much. It sounds like you have a loving family that pitches in and helps one another in a time of need. The scene at the hospital with everyone gathered around mom was nice. This is a nice entry for the contest. Thank you for sharing. God Bless
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thank you Onyx for the nice review. The story is less than 1,000 words and the contest recommended it 2,000-3,500 words. I hope that the shortness of the story doesn't count against me in the contest.
Comment from livelylinda
Patricia: a lovely story, my dear. I remembered several incidences in my life triggered by this prose. I remembered "back in the day" how strict they were about visitors. You had to be 15 years of age to get in to see a loved one. I remember one of my many hospital stays, watching the concerned look on my daughter's face and the panicky look on my grandson's face while we waited in the emergency room while I was having chest pains. But, the joy in the air is always there at Christmas as we remember, pray and celebrate the birth of Jesus. God bless you and best wishes in the Christmas Story contest. Linda
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
Patricia: a lovely story, my dear. I remembered several incidences in my life triggered by this prose. I remembered "back in the day" how strict they were about visitors. You had to be 15 years of age to get in to see a loved one. I remember one of my many hospital stays, watching the concerned look on my daughter's face and the panicky look on my grandson's face while we waited in the emergency room while I was having chest pains. But, the joy in the air is always there at Christmas as we remember, pray and celebrate the birth of Jesus. God bless you and best wishes in the Christmas Story contest. Linda
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thank you Linda for the lovely review.
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a lovely, personal Christmas memory. You told it well.
Suggestions:
"Oh. No, is she okay?"
"Oh, no! Is she okay?"
Judy, turned about and ask one of her nurses
Judy, turned about and askED one of her nurses
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
This is a lovely, personal Christmas memory. You told it well.
Suggestions:
"Oh. No, is she okay?"
"Oh, no! Is she okay?"
Judy, turned about and ask one of her nurses
Judy, turned about and askED one of her nurses
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thanks for the nice review. I wanted to tell this story. Using the voice of my daughter Penny, seemed the way to handle the write.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a great memory about a sad occasion that turned positive in the end. I enjoyed reading it very much. You told the story in a way that the reader could 'feel' the pain of one in the hospital and the joy the family received from being able to be together on that special day. My younger sister is a Christmas baby. Mother always made sure that we had her birthday celebration in the afternoon after we enjoyed and celebrated Christmas.
I have a suggestion with this line
Also, we took the small fifteen inches, Christmas tree and decorated it with tiny ornaments.
Also, we took the small [fifteen inch Christmas tree . . .]
Also, "Oh. No, is she okay?"
"Oh, no!" Is she okay?"
Great story regardless of whether it is for a contest, too. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
What a great memory about a sad occasion that turned positive in the end. I enjoyed reading it very much. You told the story in a way that the reader could 'feel' the pain of one in the hospital and the joy the family received from being able to be together on that special day. My younger sister is a Christmas baby. Mother always made sure that we had her birthday celebration in the afternoon after we enjoyed and celebrated Christmas.
I have a suggestion with this line
Also, we took the small fifteen inches, Christmas tree and decorated it with tiny ornaments.
Also, we took the small [fifteen inch Christmas tree . . .]
Also, "Oh. No, is she okay?"
"Oh, no!" Is she okay?"
Great story regardless of whether it is for a contest, too. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thanks for the nice review and for the correction, it is fixed.
Comment from Joyce Long
What a beautiful story. Thank you so very much for sharing. Yes, to be away from home on a special holiday is very difficult. Our grandson is deployed. We did talk to him Thanksgiving, but no one is looking forward to Christmas without him, especially his wife and two children. We are doing our best.
This was a great story about being together at Christmas.
Joyce 11-27-15
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
What a beautiful story. Thank you so very much for sharing. Yes, to be away from home on a special holiday is very difficult. Our grandson is deployed. We did talk to him Thanksgiving, but no one is looking forward to Christmas without him, especially his wife and two children. We are doing our best.
This was a great story about being together at Christmas.
Joyce 11-27-15
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thanks for the review. I hope you son will return safely from his deployment.
Comment from Teri7
This is such a sweet story you have written. Is your birthday really on Christmas?
It you tell me and I forget just remember the MS acts up at times and I do forget. Just remind me please. Hugs, Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
|
This is such a sweet story you have written. Is your birthday really on Christmas?
It you tell me and I forget just remember the MS acts up at times and I do forget. Just remind me please. Hugs, Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
-
Thanks Teri, for the review. I wrote the story as a third person write, I wrote like it was my daughter writing the story and her birthday is indeed Christmas Day.
-
I didn't know. Hugs, Teri