Comment from Block

Excellent

I really liked how strong your metaphor are. The way you described the ocean and the ripples makes you feel like you are there with the memories of your past. I think the poem was lovely written and also written with passion from the heart. When we write with passion it really makes the reader feel one the writer is feeling. Very good job.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. The very best of advice you give. I couldn't agree more. Thank you, mikey

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

This promenade of poignant pondering is a perfect prologue to a book of poetry. I might rename the book to match this title, as it's the prick of life's thorns that spur us to artistic creation. (Sorry for the alliteration. I couldn't resist.) :D Nancy

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015

I loved the alliteration right away. :))
I also love the idea of changing the title and have done just that. Thank you so much. mikey

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

Michael: what a great format for you to write freely. I like the observations about the stars and the roses. You paint a great photo with words of love and pain. Remember your precious family and the joys of your life. Great poem for us all to know you better. I love the red roses, too.

I stained my deck yesterday during our Indian Summer. I remembered when my mom and I painted the deck for the first time 12 years ago. I will be traveling 7 hours each way to see Mom in the nursing home. She had a kidney infection and fainted by not eating or drinking enough. Now, she shares a room in a home that is not her own. We will share stories and play go fish.

God bless you, Michael, as you help people with your big heart.
flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015

So pleased you enjoyed this. Those kidney infections can make you WEAK! I know, I had one a few years ago. Wow, I'd be breathless after a few steps. I'm smiling thinking of the fierce game of Go Fish that will ensue. Blessings to you and your mom. A safe journey. mikey

Comment from nancyrabbrose

Exceptional

That is a "wow!!!" poem. It is magnificent. You should feel very proud of yourself. I You line: "I note that each star counts me failing reality" is AMAZINGLY PROFOUND. IT AS IF YOU HAVE MADE A DELICIOUS CAKE AND WITH THAT LINE PUT THE PERFECT ICING ON IT. Thank you for sharing this poem with the world.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

I love the second verse
I love the imagery of moon on water
Love that glimmer
Well penned I like the red font on a black background
God bless

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

Comment from harmony13

Excellent

Excellent Poem! The poem flows and connects well. The author's words are strong, descriptive and thought provoking.
The reader pondered on the words of this poem. The color
theme compliments the theme of this poem.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

Comment from nomi338

Exceptional

This is such a wonderful and majestic poem. There is so much going on in this work. Failure to get into it and to ponder all the points it makes is to only skim the surface and miss some wonderful points. Right away I considered that all around us planets, stars, galaxies exist, orbit and do whatever their thing is and most of rarely if ever even bother to look up and consider them and our relationship to them. Here on earth life, animal, vegetation. The elements? All sorts of life go on around us and some of us only consider that small part of life that immediately affects us and that is all. What a waste that is. Yes, I got that and so much more from this brilliant poetic work.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

Comment from Manic Mike

Exceptional

Well I'm not gonna lie I don't exactly know how to critique this, it is quite beyond my skill, so I hope you appreciate my 6 stars I'm giving you and a huge bow to your awesomeness.

I will say this is the style that I am aspiring for. I haven't seen to many poems on here that inspire me quite like this one does. I know I'm supposed to be critiquing you, but I would be truly grateful if you told me what some writers and poets that you like...

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015

I couldn't ask for a better critique. Thank you very much. It is good to hear that someone likes something another author does, that's one of the main reason we all post things, just to find out that very thing. :)
There's great authors running around all over here. Ravenblack is one of the best. His style is sparse with no wasted words, but amazingly thought provoking. I am Cat writes a lot like me, plus she's a great gal and a lot of fun to talk to.
A couple things on your writing. You have great content. I noted that right away in reading a couple of your pieces. The presentation doesn't show it off to its best effectiveness though.
You want to control the eyes of your reader and have him pause where you want and consider things as you wish.
For example:

Passively observing
the future
filtering through translucent tunnels
of unbroken time
escaping frantically
into the past winds of nostalgia,
transmuting from possibility
to fact
vague thoughts to brilliant ideas
flight to destination
love to marriage
lust to orgasm
birth to
death.

This is one of yours. I liked the words and thoughts. But it draws more attention and contemplation presented like this. Of course, I just broke it up where I would do it, you would do it as you like. I can't indent or use the whole page in this format here, that you can do when posting or editing. I'd also indent some of the lines perhaps and maybe have certain words highlighted by placing them alone. You'll see if you look over some of my work. By the way, not everyone likes that. Hahaha. There's some real structure enthusiasts here. They think everything must be a sonnet or rhyming quatrains or whatever.
BUT ... I do recommend learning all of these forms and all of the poetic devices available to you. I am ten times better than I was two years ago and learning how to write a sonnet, haiku, nonet, haibun etc. and use rhyme, meter, alliteration, personification and all of the poetic devices available has made my free verse way better.
Just some blathering to answer your question. It is alleged that I ramble on and on at times. Go figure. Thanks again for the encouraging words. Hope some of this helps. mikey

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015

Oh, forgot ... I changed "fuck" to "lust". That's optional. I don't object to "fuck", I like the word myself. But, keep in mind that you may lose a great deal of your audience with that one word. Your choice, but you don't want the reader to come away thinking, "He said 'fuck' ..." No biggie. :))

reply by Manic Mike on 20-Oct-2015

Wow, thank you so much this is really helpful...I think I might start editing some of my material before I post too many more things..I'll definitely check out the other poets you mentioned...I'm having serious trouble with format on this website, but I suppose I could just do it by eye....And your right I should learn the rules before I break them....This was the best critique I've gotten, thank you so much for your time....Rambling is good haha

reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015

Remember. We ALL had the same trouble with the stupid editor. No worries, you'll get it. :))

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

This persons thoughts are as meandering as his walk. It seems he has been away from home a long time and finally realizes it is time to return the what he seems to have run away from.

You have good imagery, metaphor and some alliteration. It is nice how you used the constellations to describe thing you might have missed in life.

God luck in the contest

Keep writing

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

Comment from beizanten

Excellent

interesting but what does disingenuous mean. Good imaginary especially one with the Orion star and the bear but it isn't beautifully describe. I feel the tone is lacking until the rose stanza that is very good and heartbreakingly beautiful...before that it just came with a feeling of blank.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015