Magic Orange Line
Grown ups never uderstand life16 total reviews
Comment from doggymad
This was a great write. I love the life you give to the magic orange line. Oh for the innocence of youth when anything was possible.
This is a true original best of luck in the contest
Freda
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This was a great write. I love the life you give to the magic orange line. Oh for the innocence of youth when anything was possible.
This is a true original best of luck in the contest
Freda
Comment Written 09-Sep-2015
Comment from scd41
Comparing the childhood with the present can raise emotions. You have used the writing prompt to express your memories in a novel way. The line 'Each line was quiet and well behaved. The naughty little line could not be resurrected.' Speaks volumes.
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Comparing the childhood with the present can raise emotions. You have used the writing prompt to express your memories in a novel way. The line 'Each line was quiet and well behaved. The naughty little line could not be resurrected.' Speaks volumes.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2015
Comment from Eigle Rull
My friend, this was a very well written post. The tale of the little orange line is a good one. I'll bet many have that same vision of their youth. It was interesting and held my attention. The ending was very good. Best wishes, my friend.
Always with respect,
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My friend, this was a very well written post. The tale of the little orange line is a good one. I'll bet many have that same vision of their youth. It was interesting and held my attention. The ending was very good. Best wishes, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
Comment from robyn corum
This is the beginning of a truly unique and wonderful story -- forgive me, please, for being sooooo horribly blunt and rude? But I wonder if you may have headed off in the wrong direction toward the end?
Of course, each writer sees things in their own head, and it very well may be that I am simply missing the mark completely! (Dumb me - I do that a lot!) Please consider my thoughts below - then use them or chuck them as you like! *smile*
Thanks for sharing your obvious talent and imagination!
1.) disappears out of my peripheral vision every time I think (I've) got it.
2.) If somebody stopped me in time the other day, took my crayon and paper away, the magic orange line would still be alive.
--> seems like the problem would be more like someone DID take the ingredients to MAKE MAGIC away to me... different ideas, I guess....hmmm
3.)If only in my memory.
--> this seems to suggest that the line DOES NOT exist in your memory anymore, but this story proves that it does. Revise?
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This is the beginning of a truly unique and wonderful story -- forgive me, please, for being sooooo horribly blunt and rude? But I wonder if you may have headed off in the wrong direction toward the end?
Of course, each writer sees things in their own head, and it very well may be that I am simply missing the mark completely! (Dumb me - I do that a lot!) Please consider my thoughts below - then use them or chuck them as you like! *smile*
Thanks for sharing your obvious talent and imagination!
1.) disappears out of my peripheral vision every time I think (I've) got it.
2.) If somebody stopped me in time the other day, took my crayon and paper away, the magic orange line would still be alive.
--> seems like the problem would be more like someone DID take the ingredients to MAKE MAGIC away to me... different ideas, I guess....hmmm
3.)If only in my memory.
--> this seems to suggest that the line DOES NOT exist in your memory anymore, but this story proves that it does. Revise?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
Comment from Mark Valentine
What an imaginative take on the prompt. Losing the magic of childhood, and trying to keep it alive, are favorite themes of mine. Your "Why didn't somebody stop me"? approach to this theme, and the metaphor of the magic line, find another way of approching this theme and making it poignant. Well done!
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What an imaginative take on the prompt. Losing the magic of childhood, and trying to keep it alive, are favorite themes of mine. Your "Why didn't somebody stop me"? approach to this theme, and the metaphor of the magic line, find another way of approching this theme and making it poignant. Well done!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
Comment from Tessa Kay
Very interesting concept. There are many things that are better not repeated later in life, because they just lead to disappointment. Try the cartwheel you did when you were 15 at 50 and you'll pull a muscle at least. Ah well.
All the best in the contest. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Very interesting concept. There are many things that are better not repeated later in life, because they just lead to disappointment. Try the cartwheel you did when you were 15 at 50 and you'll pull a muscle at least. Ah well.
All the best in the contest. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
