2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Alone"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
22 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Yes, being alone is different from being lonely. I admired your use of the sedoka form to capture your reflections. The artwork and presentation are very effective in reinforcing your message. I relished the glow and peacefulness of the "Serenity Queen". Best wishes in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Yes, being alone is different from being lonely. I admired your use of the sedoka form to capture your reflections. The artwork and presentation are very effective in reinforcing your message. I relished the glow and peacefulness of the "Serenity Queen". Best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 27-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Thank you Joan :)
Comment from Bill Schott
This Sedoka, Alone, seems to contrast two experiences of being alone. It has good visual backup to support the feelings. Final line has only six syllables.
i
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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This Sedoka, Alone, seems to contrast two experiences of being alone. It has good visual backup to support the feelings. Final line has only six syllables.
i
Comment Written 27-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Thank you for catching that. I had 7 syllables= contented to be alone, but someone said it should be content so I fixed and forgot to count syllables again. I changed it to =she's content to be alone. Thank you for the review :)
Comment from Pantygynt
This sedoka very neatly expressess the subtle yet wide difference between being lonely and being alone.
I live alone - apart from my cat - in the wilds of the Welsh countryside and yet have seldome felt sad and lonely here. So I can identify with the second part of your Sedoka.
I have lived alone in a bed-sit in a house of bed-sits that stood in a street full of of people and for a while there I felt truly lonely never mind the multitude of people in my immediate vicinity. So I can also identify with the first part of your Sedoka.
You capture both aspects so well.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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This sedoka very neatly expressess the subtle yet wide difference between being lonely and being alone.
I live alone - apart from my cat - in the wilds of the Welsh countryside and yet have seldome felt sad and lonely here. So I can identify with the second part of your Sedoka.
I have lived alone in a bed-sit in a house of bed-sits that stood in a street full of of people and for a while there I felt truly lonely never mind the multitude of people in my immediate vicinity. So I can also identify with the first part of your Sedoka.
You capture both aspects so well.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt :) You live in Welsh, I heard is a beautiful country. I appreciate the excellent review.
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I live in Wales but I am not Welsh confusing isn't it. Yes beautiful but wet.
Comment from rama devi
Superb sedoka! I was just saying to someone how I love solitude and ALONE means ALL ONE. So, of course, I resonate with the second part--totally! Happily alone (and one with all).
Apt verb: smothers
While it is perfectly acceptable to use all caps on the first word of every line, i suggest using sentence style caps for smoother visual flow of the enjambment in these lines:
Serenity Queen
U(u)nwinds in peaceful silence
C(c)ontented to be alone
I stumble slightly on the use of contented instead of simply content. Sounds a bit forced to fit the syllable count. May I suggest some alternatives?
content with being alone
content to be just alone
content to be by herself
content being all alone
This is well presented with artistic style. Should do well in the contest. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Superb sedoka! I was just saying to someone how I love solitude and ALONE means ALL ONE. So, of course, I resonate with the second part--totally! Happily alone (and one with all).
Apt verb: smothers
While it is perfectly acceptable to use all caps on the first word of every line, i suggest using sentence style caps for smoother visual flow of the enjambment in these lines:
Serenity Queen
U(u)nwinds in peaceful silence
C(c)ontented to be alone
I stumble slightly on the use of contented instead of simply content. Sounds a bit forced to fit the syllable count. May I suggest some alternatives?
content with being alone
content to be just alone
content to be by herself
content being all alone
This is well presented with artistic style. Should do well in the contest. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 27-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Thank you rama devi, I appreciate the great review and helpful feedback. :)
Namaste
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Namaste! :)
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Lovely setting for your Sedoka and two quite different verses on the same theme of loneliness. - Darkness of body and soul - really sets the tone for this desperate woman and her complete opposite - contented to be alone - great read. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Lovely setting for your Sedoka and two quite different verses on the same theme of loneliness. - Darkness of body and soul - really sets the tone for this desperate woman and her complete opposite - contented to be alone - great read. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Thank you Pearl, I really appreciate your awesome review and the 6 stars :)
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello. Talk about enlightening. A warming image to accompany the divisions of how two people handle thier lonliness. The first, tempted with pills, the other, not happy, just content, perhaps patient that lonliness could be a blessing in disguise. Take care and cheers.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Hello. Talk about enlightening. A warming image to accompany the divisions of how two people handle thier lonliness. The first, tempted with pills, the other, not happy, just content, perhaps patient that lonliness could be a blessing in disguise. Take care and cheers.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Hello Benjamin. The point of this poem is two different views of time spent alone-one feels sorrow and loneliness, the other is joyful and welcomes serenity and solitude. Thank your the review.
Comment from Silent wind
I love everything about this poem. The subject and the presentation are well done. and the structure is perfect. Could not find faults. Good luck on the conteset
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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I love everything about this poem. The subject and the presentation are well done. and the structure is perfect. Could not find faults. Good luck on the conteset
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Wow, thank you so much for your exceptional review. I am glad you like it. :)
Comment from Javed05
I like this brief poem .................found it engaging for the reader......flows well......language used is great......creates good imagery.....has eastern touch .......thanks for sharing with us .....
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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I like this brief poem .................found it engaging for the reader......flows well......language used is great......creates good imagery.....has eastern touch .......thanks for sharing with us .....
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Thank you Javed :)
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery author, this is a wonderful entry for this particular competition, this is a very good but sad Sedoka, the content is excellent but the end result is bad, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Hi Mystery author, this is a wonderful entry for this particular competition, this is a very good but sad Sedoka, the content is excellent but the end result is bad, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Hello Eric, this sedoka is about being alone. It is dark and light, opposed. On one end you have depression and loneliness and the other end is joyful inner-peace enlightenment. It is suppose to be sad and happy.
Thank you for the review.
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I re-read your sedoka after your reply and I saw it in a different light my friend.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent sedoka poem, mystery writer, great imagery presented in the first stanza, which is my favorite, great artwork. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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this is an excellent sedoka poem, mystery writer, great imagery presented in the first stanza, which is my favorite, great artwork. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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thank you sweet wood jax :)