Anthony
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Alisha"The life of a different man
17 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Good followup to chapter one. It took me a while to connect, and then I remembered Anthony's baling Stephano out of a gambling debt.
I would have thought Anthony to be more of a "player" when his eyes locked to Alisha's. You developed him solidly, though, after that and instilled some morals I'm sure are going to be later tested.
Only one question:
and returned to their secreated RV [Do you mean "secreted"?]
Good work, Alexis
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Good followup to chapter one. It took me a while to connect, and then I remembered Anthony's baling Stephano out of a gambling debt.
I would have thought Anthony to be more of a "player" when his eyes locked to Alisha's. You developed him solidly, though, after that and instilled some morals I'm sure are going to be later tested.
Only one question:
and returned to their secreated RV [Do you mean "secreted"?]
Good work, Alexis
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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I did indeed. Yes, Anthony's a player, but not with married women. Will he be tempted? Maybe! Alexis xxx
Comment from Tessa Kay
Love the changes you made.
Not surprised you got several sixes. The story is engaging and makes the reader want to know more.
All the best for future chapters
:)
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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Love the changes you made.
Not surprised you got several sixes. The story is engaging and makes the reader want to know more.
All the best for future chapters
:)
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Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Not only was it all useful, but immediately after using nearly all your great suggestions, I received four six star reviews, so I can't thank you enough. Fan Story needs more honest and helpful reviewers like you who take the time to write a detailed review. Thank you again. Alexis x
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Very welcome :)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Intriguing. I like it.
You're calling her Alisha, Elisha, and Lisa all this one post. Might want to do some editing.
I see you are using single quotes instead of standard double ones. Margaret does that too, and I find it annoying bec it's hard to read. I wish you'd stick to ["] standard quotes, but your story, your choice.
infadelities << infidelities, no A
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
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Intriguing. I like it.
You're calling her Alisha, Elisha, and Lisa all this one post. Might want to do some editing.
I see you are using single quotes instead of standard double ones. Margaret does that too, and I find it annoying bec it's hard to read. I wish you'd stick to ["] standard quotes, but your story, your choice.
infadelities << infidelities, no A
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
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Yes, it would help if I could remember what I decided to call her in the end. She started out as Lisa, someone suggested Elisha, and I ended calling her Alisha. Sadly, my internet connection here in France is pretty flakey, so making corrections and answering reviews is rather hit and miss! Re the single quotes, I don't have a choice here in the UK. Just like different spellings, single quotes are used here.
Alexis xxx
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Then how do you put a quote inside dialogue? For example: Joan said, "He told me himself. 'I would kill her if I could' were his exact words."
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I've never thought about it because that's the way it's always been, like driving on the left-hand aside of the road. It's now intuitive to have single quote marks as you've noticed with Margaret and other British writers. Annoying I know, but hard to change after years of doing it one way. As least script writing doesn't require any!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
'Where are you [guys]staying while you're here?'
'Well, if you [guys] want to join me here on the yacht,
I think using 'Guys' in these sentences to be out of character. He is a sophisticated man. 'Guys' sounds so "American" LOL
I think you have the makings of a great story Alexis.
Is it Elisha or Alisha? You have used both in the chapter.
Nancy
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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'Where are you [guys]staying while you're here?'
'Well, if you [guys] want to join me here on the yacht,
I think using 'Guys' in these sentences to be out of character. He is a sophisticated man. 'Guys' sounds so "American" LOL
I think you have the makings of a great story Alexis.
Is it Elisha or Alisha? You have used both in the chapter.
Nancy
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Good idea, Nancy, and I've changed it. My internet connection here in France is lousy, so making corrections and thanking people for reviews is spasmodic - sorry! Alexis xxx
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I am having those problems as well. I thought it was my computer.
Comment from Spitfire
Anthony is so likeable, but apparently he had some misfortunes that made him compassionate toward others now down on their luck.
Ricky was his right-hand man, and although his employee, was more of a friend. At least Anthony believed he was. He could rely on him to keep his ears to the ground and his lip buttoned, whatever the circumstances.
A little foreshadowing here, I suspect.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Anthony is so likeable, but apparently he had some misfortunes that made him compassionate toward others now down on their luck.
Ricky was his right-hand man, and although his employee, was more of a friend. At least Anthony believed he was. He could rely on him to keep his ears to the ground and his lip buttoned, whatever the circumstances.
A little foreshadowing here, I suspect.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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I suppose everyone's your 'friend' when you have lots of money - apart from the tax man! Hopefully Ricky will be the friend Anthony thinks he is. Alexis xxx
Comment from barkingdog
Living in an RV even one more night when a suite aboard Anthony's yacht awaited, had to be difficult. But to maintain their dignity, Michael and Elisha waited until tomorrow.
Fine characters, Alexis. I love the setting.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Living in an RV even one more night when a suite aboard Anthony's yacht awaited, had to be difficult. But to maintain their dignity, Michael and Elisha waited until tomorrow.
Fine characters, Alexis. I love the setting.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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The 'haves' and the 'have nots' always make for a good story, one way or the other, and I hope that will be the case here! Alexis xxx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, well, Elisha, a small, delicate, raven-haired fireball, whose beauty can put any man's testosterone to bubbling. Is just about to start pulling the dog' chains. Thanks for another fine read. :-)
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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
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Well, well, Elisha, a small, delicate, raven-haired fireball, whose beauty can put any man's testosterone to bubbling. Is just about to start pulling the dog' chains. Thanks for another fine read. :-)
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Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2015
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Lol, she might do if I could remember what I called her. She started out as Lisa, someone suggested Elisha, and I ended calling her Alisha. Sadly, my internet connection here in France is pretty flakey, so making corrections and answering reviews is rather hit and miss! Alexis xxx
