The Gist
A tragedy that rhymes24 total reviews
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Clockwise, I am happy to hear from you again, even though your subject is rather grim. Unfortunately, it is the story of far too many men (and women too) who let selfish desires and emotions rule their lives until they feel that they are
Unredeemable. How well you put it "No God could ever care, you see, this soul's been charred by fire." and then offer a list of their transgressions as proof.
I just wish that they could drop to their knees and close their eyes so they can see!
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Dear Clockwise, I am happy to hear from you again, even though your subject is rather grim. Unfortunately, it is the story of far too many men (and women too) who let selfish desires and emotions rule their lives until they feel that they are
Unredeemable. How well you put it "No God could ever care, you see, this soul's been charred by fire." and then offer a list of their transgressions as proof.
I just wish that they could drop to their knees and close their eyes so they can see!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Pantygynt
This was so cleverly put together with some great rhyming variations on stressed an unstressed syllables. I felt it told the story of the average marriage, somewhat less than perfect in the end, rather beautifully.
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This was so cleverly put together with some great rhyming variations on stressed an unstressed syllables. I felt it told the story of the average marriage, somewhat less than perfect in the end, rather beautifully.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Roberta Lawrinsky
This poem is a heartbreaker. Must be hard to take the blame
for things going wrong as they did in this man's life. At least he's telling his story. Maybe at an A. A. meeting where empathic people listen.
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This poem is a heartbreaker. Must be hard to take the blame
for things going wrong as they did in this man's life. At least he's telling his story. Maybe at an A. A. meeting where empathic people listen.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
There are times in life when we do not appreciate just how good life and only when we give it all up to we realise, this is a sad tale, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
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There are times in life when we do not appreciate just how good life and only when we give it all up to we realise, this is a sad tale, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Xweetibird
Interesting! The rhythm and flow was really effective in taking you on a quick ride through a dissolving-and eventually dissolved- relationship. It also does a good job of conveying that sort of stuck-in-helplessness feeling, where you think "no matter what, it's never going to get better"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Interesting! The rhythm and flow was really effective in taking you on a quick ride through a dissolving-and eventually dissolved- relationship. It also does a good job of conveying that sort of stuck-in-helplessness feeling, where you think "no matter what, it's never going to get better"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
This is really good poetry, and yes, I got the gist. Such a shame that marriages that start with so much love and promise end in misery, divorce and downfall. It looks here it hit hard.
Good flow, rhymes, meter and message.
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This is really good poetry, and yes, I got the gist. Such a shame that marriages that start with so much love and promise end in misery, divorce and downfall. It looks here it hit hard.
Good flow, rhymes, meter and message.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Mia Twysted
That is such a sad story. To have all that love and to loss it. I was able feel the heart break as the story went on. It was easy to read and it lead me through all the way to the end.
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That is such a sad story. To have all that love and to loss it. I was able feel the heart break as the story went on. It was easy to read and it lead me through all the way to the end.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Powerful imagery in this heart-rending tale--boredom tore bond--anger broke wrist--fell among the trash--crumbled letter crushed--soul charred. Fine work! Cheers. LIZ
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Powerful imagery in this heart-rending tale--boredom tore bond--anger broke wrist--fell among the trash--crumbled letter crushed--soul charred. Fine work! Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
Comment from Zevona
Although the writing is excellent, the last stanza rings false to me. I don't think most people classify themselves in such tight categories as drunkard or liar, even if they are self-actualized and regret and/or reflect on their behavior. Perhaps that portion could be written in third person.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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Although the writing is excellent, the last stanza rings false to me. I don't think most people classify themselves in such tight categories as drunkard or liar, even if they are self-actualized and regret and/or reflect on their behavior. Perhaps that portion could be written in third person.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2017
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review this poem. I agree with your assessment of the last stanza. I don't think anyone is beyond redemption, although do I think some people feel that they are.
Comment from mfowler
I think I get the gist. The poem is a letter trying to explain why he has failed (as husband and father). It is a last desperate act before dying and in some way trying to get his story across. The poem flows so well that it reads terrifically out aloud. This is aided by deft metering and use of excellent rhyme. The repetition of 'gist' phrases is quite haunting and also adds to poem's intensity. A great read.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
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I think I get the gist. The poem is a letter trying to explain why he has failed (as husband and father). It is a last desperate act before dying and in some way trying to get his story across. The poem flows so well that it reads terrifically out aloud. This is aided by deft metering and use of excellent rhyme. The repetition of 'gist' phrases is quite haunting and also adds to poem's intensity. A great read.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
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Thank you for your time and kind review.
