Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Living"Shorter stories
19 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
Bill, I think you have a great story here. But it's worth so much more than 100 words. This reads more like an outline than a story. A good story. A Job story.
Just one man's opinion.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Bill, I think you have a great story here. But it's worth so much more than 100 words. This reads more like an outline than a story. A good story. A Job story.
Just one man's opinion.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Lee, for the thorough and positive review. Bill
Comment from pbroussard209
yuck, lol, great imaginative story. I loved the gypsy theme, and the curse was a great twist. I don't think I would want to live forever, it sounds exhausting. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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yuck, lol, great imaginative story. I loved the gypsy theme, and the curse was a great twist. I don't think I would want to live forever, it sounds exhausting. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Yikes! Goodness knows what he
looks light after all the attempts
to kill himself off - very clever,
Bill.
Good luck with the contest.
Margaret
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Yikes! Goodness knows what he
looks light after all the attempts
to kill himself off - very clever,
Bill.
Good luck with the contest.
Margaret
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Margaret, for the thorough and positive review. Bill
Comment from Taffspride
You have met all of the contest requirements with this well written story.
Certainly the revulsion was when I read he retrieved his eyeball from the mirror. Ugh!!!
A good contender IMHO
Thanks for sharing, (and the sick feeling)
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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You have met all of the contest requirements with this well written story.
Certainly the revulsion was when I read he retrieved his eyeball from the mirror. Ugh!!!
A good contender IMHO
Thanks for sharing, (and the sick feeling)
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Ann, for the thorough and positive review. Bill
Comment from TAB_that's me
As if it weren't gruesome enough, you had to add the eyeball on the mirror part at the end. Good horror story and good luck in the contest.
Teresa
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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As if it weren't gruesome enough, you had to add the eyeball on the mirror part at the end. Good horror story and good luck in the contest.
Teresa
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Teresa, for the thorough and positive review. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hah-ha! Talk about losing your head over a situation! Poor Doug seemed to do just that in the case of the Gypsy curse that had been laid on him. Good thing he decided to keep an eye out for odd occurrences. Those Gypsy curses can be a real b!tch! Have you ever seen the films, "Drag Me to Hell", or "Thinner"? Case closed...
Yeah, it's good to know Doug had his head in the game. It never pays to go to pieces in situations like the one he'd found himself in. It only seems to make matters worse, and everything comes to a head much faster--if you catch my drift?
A great entry, Bill.
Good luck in the contest. ~Dean ;}
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Hah-ha! Talk about losing your head over a situation! Poor Doug seemed to do just that in the case of the Gypsy curse that had been laid on him. Good thing he decided to keep an eye out for odd occurrences. Those Gypsy curses can be a real b!tch! Have you ever seen the films, "Drag Me to Hell", or "Thinner"? Case closed...
Yeah, it's good to know Doug had his head in the game. It never pays to go to pieces in situations like the one he'd found himself in. It only seems to make matters worse, and everything comes to a head much faster--if you catch my drift?
A great entry, Bill.
Good luck in the contest. ~Dean ;}
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Dean, for giving this a look. My first draft was three times as long. I had Doug flying in his Stutz Lancefield (to set the timeframe in the 20's), his many attempts at suicide, and the horrid yet unfulfilling results of same. The short version keeps the eye humor in view though.
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Your welcome, Bill. J
Why not just post them both, the long & the shorter versions? Rename the longer version of the story: Living: The Extended Cut, and you'll get twice the reviews. Hey, it can be done. :}
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements wonderfully with a correct word count and horror theme. I just hate it when my body parts fly all around like that - this is very well penned and humorous in a morbid kind of way as it proves you are not going anywhere until it is your time to go. If he keeps on like this I wonder if he'll have anything left to bury LOL. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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This meets the contest requirements wonderfully with a correct word count and horror theme. I just hate it when my body parts fly all around like that - this is very well penned and humorous in a morbid kind of way as it proves you are not going anywhere until it is your time to go. If he keeps on like this I wonder if he'll have anything left to bury LOL. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, MA, for the positive and encouraging review. Bill
Comment from rama devi
Ha ha ha...What a gory sense of humor this has. I usually don't read horror genre but this was funny. Good flash style. Good swift pace. just a couple small nits:
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He remembered hitting the gypsy wagon with his Stutz,(no comma) as he had sped down the road.
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victim cursed Doug to "Live!". (no period)
Warmly, rd
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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Ha ha ha...What a gory sense of humor this has. I usually don't read horror genre but this was funny. Good flash style. Good swift pace. just a couple small nits:
*
He remembered hitting the gypsy wagon with his Stutz,(no comma) as he had sped down the road.
*
victim cursed Doug to "Live!". (no period)
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, rama divi, for the kind review. After slashing this down from 300 words to 100, I guess I missed that pesky comma. I was ready to defend the period, though I can see that the sentence structure makes the gypsy's curse seem more like dialog than narration. I've removed both marks. Happy day. Bill
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Happy day to you too! :) Warmly, rd
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Bill,
Where have you been hiding?
This was a good entry for the competition. very tightly told, as the 100 words demands.
A great variation on the gypsy curse. I enjoyed this very much.
Good luck in the contest
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Hi Bill,
Where have you been hiding?
This was a good entry for the competition. very tightly told, as the 100 words demands.
A great variation on the gypsy curse. I enjoyed this very much.
Good luck in the contest
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, gm, for the kind review. My wife had a kidney removed and I've been nursing her through recovery. Happy day. Bill