For Mum
A surprise33 total reviews
Comment from Carole Rosa
To the author of "For Mum". This is a nice little story, but I'm sure the longer version will be much more interesting. Good luck in the contest. Carole
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
  |
To the author of "For Mum". This is a nice little story, but I'm sure the longer version will be much more interesting. Good luck in the contest. Carole
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much. I am glad you liked it and I am indeed planning to write the full story.
Comment from mommerry
This was a story that needed to be longer or at the very least, the writer should have written about the search or the discovery or anything but the trip. There was nothing to build up suspense leading to the surprise.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
This was a story that needed to be longer or at the very least, the writer should have written about the search or the discovery or anything but the trip. There was nothing to build up suspense leading to the surprise.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
First, Thank you very much for your review. Second, I only had 80 words to play with for the Surprise contest so I did as best as I could.
But I am planning to write the whole story, starting soon.
Comment from BeasPeas
It sounds as if the first meeting with your mother was a success and I'm so glad. It would be interesting to read the full story when you do write it.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
It sounds as if the first meeting with your mother was a success and I'm so glad. It would be interesting to read the full story when you do write it.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much. I am glad you liked it.
Comment from joann r romei
wow, this was impactful, and so many people have this search when left by their biological birth parents. good luck in this contest, xo
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
wow, this was impactful, and so many people have this search when left by their biological birth parents. good luck in this contest, xo
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much for your encouraging review.
Comment from jpduck
I found this particularly enjoyable as I have an adopted son who did the same thing. I thought it was great that you made the surprise implicit rather than explicit.
A couple of suggestions:
Assuming your journey didn't start in California, I would suggest changing the last sentence of paragraph 1 to: 'Not that I would have known this journey was to end in California.'
I would also suggest you change the second paragraph to: 'Unknown to her, I had found my real mum, and now I was to see her.
These changes would still leave you under 80 words.
Adrian
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
I found this particularly enjoyable as I have an adopted son who did the same thing. I thought it was great that you made the surprise implicit rather than explicit.
A couple of suggestions:
Assuming your journey didn't start in California, I would suggest changing the last sentence of paragraph 1 to: 'Not that I would have known this journey was to end in California.'
I would also suggest you change the second paragraph to: 'Unknown to her, I had found my real mum, and now I was to see her.
These changes would still leave you under 80 words.
Adrian
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much for an encouraging review. I am looking in to your suggestions.
Comment from LIJ Red
I always imagined that if I stood in this situation, when I started talking the woman would panic, trying to shut me up before her jealous husband and the pitiless congregation learned of her youthful indiscretion with her big brother...you sure describe a real surprise, and do it clearly in few words. Excellent.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
I always imagined that if I stood in this situation, when I started talking the woman would panic, trying to shut me up before her jealous husband and the pitiless congregation learned of her youthful indiscretion with her big brother...you sure describe a real surprise, and do it clearly in few words. Excellent.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much for an excellent review. You made me laugh. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from TPAC
Indeed reunion of hearts are warming, filled with apprehensions, with all aspects of a surprise, writer charms occupy this write, a tender thinker, soft to their heart
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
Indeed reunion of hearts are warming, filled with apprehensions, with all aspects of a surprise, writer charms occupy this write, a tender thinker, soft to their heart
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you for your heart warming review.
Comment from GWinterwin
Good story in such few words, Must have been a ride that made your heart flutter to think about it. I would love reading the whole story some day.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
Good story in such few words, Must have been a ride that made your heart flutter to think about it. I would love reading the whole story some day.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much. You may just do as I am planning to write the full story.
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
First best wishes in the contest. I would love to read the whole story. While your short story is nice knowing that there is so much more to it leaves the reader hungry for all of it. I wish you the best always.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
First best wishes in the contest. I would love to read the whole story. While your short story is nice knowing that there is so much more to it leaves the reader hungry for all of it. I wish you the best always.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much. I am seriously thinking of writing the full story.
-
That would be lovely.
Darlene
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I'd love to read the full story. What did she say/do when you told her? Please write that! What a wonderful experience this must have been for both of you! :)
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
|
I'd love to read the full story. What did she say/do when you told her? Please write that! What a wonderful experience this must have been for both of you! :)
Comment Written 02-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much. Yes it turned out wonderful, and I am thinking of writing it.