2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "haiku (where green trees)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
21 total reviews
Comment from SilentNinja2930
Great job! I love the descriptive detail and emotion. You made me feel like I was actually standing amidst the trees under the hot sun.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Great job! I love the descriptive detail and emotion. You made me feel like I was actually standing amidst the trees under the hot sun.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you SilentNinja :)
Comment from Pantygynt
Ok, this ticks all the haiku boxes including gerunds - that's a new one - last time I heard that word was at school in the latin lesson and I wasn't paying attention then. Is that the same as a present participle. That's got an -ing ending. So we fall back on judging it on the satori line which is what usually happens allother things being equal and adding up to lessthan 17.
Sorry but this one doesn't do much for me. I'm not sure it even actually unites the two earlier lines and it hasn't got enough of what your not expecting to make me go ah hah!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Ok, this ticks all the haiku boxes including gerunds - that's a new one - last time I heard that word was at school in the latin lesson and I wasn't paying attention then. Is that the same as a present participle. That's got an -ing ending. So we fall back on judging it on the satori line which is what usually happens allother things being equal and adding up to lessthan 17.
Sorry but this one doesn't do much for me. I'm not sure it even actually unites the two earlier lines and it hasn't got enough of what your not expecting to make me go ah hah!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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you are entitled to your opinion
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, great imagery presented about the trees touching the sky in the distance and then going around a curve and blinded by the sunlight. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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this is an excellent write, mystery writer, great imagery presented about the trees touching the sky in the distance and then going around a curve and blinded by the sunlight. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you Lady sweetwoodjax :)
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Very good. You chose the right blinding background for this one. The words are very descriptive, this is what I like about the Haiku, you should be able to write one and the words are the picture as well. You succeeded in this. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Very good. You chose the right blinding background for this one. The words are very descriptive, this is what I like about the Haiku, you should be able to write one and the words are the picture as well. You succeeded in this. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you Sandra :)
Comment from kiwisteveh
You create an interesting effect by beginning your haiku with the relative pronoun 'where'. It leaves the reader waiting for a conclusion that they must supply themselves.
Good images, kiss and hot eastern sky (your kigo?) and a strong satori line.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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You create an interesting effect by beginning your haiku with the relative pronoun 'where'. It leaves the reader waiting for a conclusion that they must supply themselves.
Good images, kiss and hot eastern sky (your kigo?) and a strong satori line.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you Steve :) Yes, the hot eastern sky is my kigo.
Comment from royowen
This is a fine entry in this haiku any subject contest. The narrative is very striking, it's very well written, it sort of leaps out at one, when reading, it is refreshingly ominous in its perception, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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This is a fine entry in this haiku any subject contest. The narrative is very striking, it's very well written, it sort of leaps out at one, when reading, it is refreshingly ominous in its perception, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you Roy :)
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Most welcome
Comment from Leineco
it's an interesting use of the haiku form - - - doing exactly what haiku is meant to do. . .make the reader pause and ponder. I enjoyed the slight subterfuge :-)
The use of eastern sky was a clever way to evoke the drama of sunrise, and thus the blinding as day makes its grand entrance.
Nicely done!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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it's an interesting use of the haiku form - - - doing exactly what haiku is meant to do. . .make the reader pause and ponder. I enjoyed the slight subterfuge :-)
The use of eastern sky was a clever way to evoke the drama of sunrise, and thus the blinding as day makes its grand entrance.
Nicely done!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you Leineco :)
Comment from Judgement Dave
An interesting haiku that's perfectly formed.
Considered in isolation, for me, the middle line captures an almost sensual feeling of the Mediterranean (or similar environments).
Good luck in the voting.
Cheers
JD
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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An interesting haiku that's perfectly formed.
Considered in isolation, for me, the middle line captures an almost sensual feeling of the Mediterranean (or similar environments).
Good luck in the voting.
Cheers
JD
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Interesting that you get a feeling of Mediterranean... that is where I am from.
Thank you :) for the review.
Comment from rspoet
This is a good haiku for the contest
syllables are good
Concrete images in the trees and the sky
good grammatical connection
seasonal reference
Very good satori line
You may have to think about the word "kiss"
it may be seen as personification (can a tree kiss?)
Just a thought to consider
Well done
Good luck
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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This is a good haiku for the contest
syllables are good
Concrete images in the trees and the sky
good grammatical connection
seasonal reference
Very good satori line
You may have to think about the word "kiss"
it may be seen as personification (can a tree kiss?)
Just a thought to consider
Well done
Good luck
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you, I will have to think about the kiss thing. First I had touch but that would be the same. Thanks!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I liked this one a lot. It contains very striking imagery. An impressive picture painted.
Wishing you the best of luck in the competition. This should do well.
GMG
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Hi there,
I liked this one a lot. It contains very striking imagery. An impressive picture painted.
Wishing you the best of luck in the competition. This should do well.
GMG
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
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Thank you giraffmang :)